School runs arent that difficult?

[Mildinsanity]

AIBU?
My DP and I work full time with a 1.5hr commute eith way so DCs dad comes and does the childcare/ school runs etc.

End of last term I recieved a letter from the school saying the DCs are repeatedly late in and if it continues they will make a report to the welfare people.

I spoke to DCs dad and he apologised and said it wont happen again and he'll ensure they get there on time.

Which brings us to today, I have a very rare day off work (own buisness so DP and I schedules are usually jam packed to try and make ends meet) and DCs dad says he will still do the school run.
He arrives at 7am as usual and gets the kids up so I can try and get some rest.
8.50 and they have only just left (school starts at 8.50 and its a 10 minute walk).

Now it could be they are having a particulary bad morning but I dont believe thats the case.

I went downstairs to hurry them up at 8.30 because I know they should be ready and leaving and they werent even dressed ready, I hurried them to get dressed as they were apparently ignoring their dad but he didnt seem all that bothered to encorage them as he was outside with a fag.

If this is what it is like everyday no wonder they are late, he just doesnt seem bothered and says they wont listen to him.
I think its his job as a parent (he doesnt work btw) to make them listen and ensure they leave on time.

AIBU to think it doesnt take nearly 2 hours to get 4 DCs (3,6,7,8) ready for school?

[Justalittlelemondrizzle]

Two hours is ridiculous! How can it take that long.
Always have lunches, uniforms, bags etc ready the night before ready to go in the morning. All they have to do is eat breakfast and get ready.
We used to live 5 mins from school. Now we live a 10 minute drive away. The game closes at 9am, we must leave the house by 8.40 at the very latest. If they haven't finished their breakfast by a certain time (I give them plenty of time) they have leave it, get dressed and then finish it in the car.
They know the score and know what's expected from them.
Once I woke up at 8.40 having slept through my alarm. And we still made it to school by 9am. Just.
Your ex is setting them up for an adult life of lateness. Not a good thing for a parent to teach their child.
You need to have a serious talk with him. If things don't improve you need to make other arrangements. I think a cm will be your best option, and he can bloody well pay for it.

[Ohyesiam]

Mrsprawntail, please go into why, she seems reasonable to me

[converseandjeans]

YANBU to expect the father to contribute in this way. Really he should be picking them up from school too.
It would be unfair on the children to get up much earlier - we get up at 7ish and have to be out by 7.50. I lay everything out the night before and all that has to be done is eat/get dressed and brush teeth.
Admittedly getting 4 out would be more of a challenge, but if that is the only task of the day then it's hardly exhausting. Many people do this and then go on to do a day at work.
I'm amazed that he doesn't want to do much with them on a Saturday if you're working.
As others have said the kids need to be given more responsibility - there is no other choice. The older ones won't want to be persistently late - it's embarrassing for them. So get them on board if poss.
It's not like he's even doing the things a SAHP would do - I don't expect he gets involved in washing their uniforms, tidying their rooms, ferrying them to activities, food shopping etc...
Sadly you may have to lower your expectations of him - it sounds unlikely he will raise his game. Good luck!

[CauliflowerSqueeze]

Of course she shouldn't pay him.
Of course she shouldn't have to get a babysitter.
Of course she shouldn't get up miles earlier and do it for him
Of course she isn't being unreasonable.

Bet if he was told he could have a million pounds if he got them to school on time he'd manage.

Their dad comes over to sort them and walk with them for ten minutes a day as his contribution. It's not generous of him it's normal. How else are they going to get there? On their magic carpet?

[Bogeyface]

Bet if he was told he could have a million pounds if he got them to school on time he'd manage.

Yeah I bet he would! Which sadly shows how little he cares about his kids.

[Ohyesiam]

Manumission, you day " unusual " like it's a disease. There are people who have way weirder lives than this. Not every ex is the enemy. It could be seen as an enlightened way to live.

[lukeymom]

It's about being organized.With 4 kids you should have all their clothes and bags ready the night before. Tell them not to mess about each morning and that it's important they get there on time.

I only have two kids and the oldest who is 8 panics every morning incase he is late. He shouts at me to hurry up and cries sometimes.He is rarely late. Yet I see some kids going into school around 9.15am.

[PickAChew]

Ever heard of the phrase herding cats, OP?

And if it's so easy, why did you need him to do it rather than give the kids the rare treat of you - their mum - taking them to school?

[DorcasthePuffin]

Have you actually read the thread, PickAChew?

Sounds like you are judging OP because you think the school run should be her responsibility, not his. Sounds like you disapprove of working mothers who don't take their kids to school - do you feel the same about working fathers?

[avamiah]

DorcasthePuffin,
Sounds like your a bit of a Bully did PickAChew hit a raw nerve?
I'd say so.

[DorcasthePuffin]

A bully?



Has MN been invaded tonight?

[Selfimproved]

Hi again punk my kids can eat an apple and a cereal bar without a teachers help! If they couldn't I'd be worried.

Most kids have something to eat at playtime.

Bravo for doing a better job than the rest of us with our pampered, over fed apple eating children. Oh wait, I re read your post to check I wasn't being abrupt unnecessarily and have realised that your kids also had a piece of fruit for play. Yet somehow mine are making the teacher lives harder? You must see that's odd.

[Beeziekn33ze]

Don't any of the OP's children dress themselves without supervision?\

[Gyderlily]

YANB ... I do only have 2 dc, 3 &6 but we have long run dropping school first then nursery, by 8.30 by which time we've done 2.5 miles with an often uncooperative 3 year old in a scooter, before this when dc1 was at nursery we had to get a bus 3 miles as when we moved all local places were full, bus stop is a fair walk. We have never been late!
Get up at 7, I still need to find and iron clothes (need to start doing that the night before) and leave 7.55 at latest. Mine are both major faffers too.

[Gyderlily]

-Beezie- even my 3 year old dresses her self unsupervised IF you can turn it in to a game and make her think it's her idea.(unfortunately this is rare and if she gets any inkling you want/need her to do this it will not be done) Eldest has done so since at least 4.

[NoFucksImAQueen]

I'd ask the headteacher to speak directly to him.,maybe it'll shame him into trying harder.
I have 3 dc 5, 2 and 10mo and the school run involves a drive. We are often a few mins late as in sneaking in through the office but there for registration. It is hard but it sounds like he's not even trying

[Jennybug17]

I struggle some mornings getting my LO ready and I only have one at the moment! We have been late once but it doesn't leave me without a frazzled head.

It doesn't matter who is doing the school run, if someone offered to take my daughter and school was threatening to report me to welfare for her being constantly late, I would be finding someone else to do it. Or at least asking why, it's ok to be late some days, things don't always go to plan, but I wouldn't be stood around smoking whilst my child was sat with one sock on.

We aren't superwomen, I am already sacrificing money by reducing my working hours to do the school run myself as no one else can.

[Glittered]

Instead of going for a rest then if you are concerned why didn't you help them get ready too
Either that or they are late again

[Ginseng1]

Yanbu at all I'd be furious it's the least their dad can do is get them to fricking school on time! I know it's tough getting kids out the door as do you since u did it on your own for long enough but you do it cos u have to. Can't believe people on here suggesting u do it yourself / pay a childminder when he not working n doesn't contribute a penny to their upkeep!!

[sailorcherries]

Again, why is the blame solely on the ex? He has done the school run for 4 months (say June/July and September/October for talking sake). By July the children had been placed on a system where it flagged up constant tardiness: that does not happen just from ex taking over in June, that is a long time coming and therefore not sole fault of ex.

Op was also in the house one morning and sat for 1.5 hours while she knew her children were behind schedule and done bugger all until 20 minutes before school started, then left it again. If she were so concerned she'd have gotten dressed and sorted the situation herself, but no, heaven forbid it interrupted her lie in.

Yes he may be their dad, yes he may not work but that doesn't mean that after 2 months before summer and 2 months after he'll have cracked the morning routine and discipline, especially since op has stated he hasn't been very prevalent in their life.

There's more here than meets the eye and it seems like op wants a scape goat.

[Dieu]

I can see both sides. He should absolutely be capable of executing a successful school run, especially as you are the earner.
However, I think you need to be on the same page with regard to the kids, and both speak to them about the mornings. Also, if their stuff is organised the night before, it shouldn't be that difficult. Does he have to do packed lunches etc in the morning as well, or is it just a case of dressing and breakfast?

[worldsworstchildren]

Sounds to me like he's almost doing it on purpose so that eventually you'll tell him not to bother.

[redskytonight]

I'd be interested to know how much OP has ready for her ex.

There is a world of difference to arriving to uniform laid out, bags packed etc. And arriving to not being able to find uniform, no idea where Fred's reading book is.

I too have had a child that dragged their feet in the morning, but that dramatically improved when I instituted a rule that every minute of phaffing = 1 less minute of TV viewing. Ex has a very limited set of sanctions at his disposal if the DC misbehave without OP agreeing to support him.