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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School runs arent that difficult?

281 replies

Mildinsanity · 05/10/2016 09:22

AIBU?
My DP and I work full time with a 1.5hr commute eith way so DCs dad comes and does the childcare/ school runs etc.

End of last term I recieved a letter from the school saying the DCs are repeatedly late in and if it continues they will make a report to the welfare people.

I spoke to DCs dad and he apologised and said it wont happen again and he'll ensure they get there on time.

Which brings us to today, I have a very rare day off work (own buisness so DP and I schedules are usually jam packed to try and make ends meet) and DCs dad says he will still do the school run.
He arrives at 7am as usual and gets the kids up so I can try and get some rest.
8.50 and they have only just left (school starts at 8.50 and its a 10 minute walk).

Now it could be they are having a particulary bad morning but I dont believe thats the case.

I went downstairs to hurry them up at 8.30 because I know they should be ready and leaving and they werent even dressed ready, I hurried them to get dressed as they were apparently ignoring their dad but he didnt seem all that bothered to encorage them as he was outside with a fag.

If this is what it is like everyday no wonder they are late, he just doesnt seem bothered and says they wont listen to him.
I think its his job as a parent (he doesnt work btw) to make them listen and ensure they leave on time.

AIBU to think it doesnt take nearly 2 hours to get 4 DCs (3,6,7,8) ready for school?

OP posts:
awesomeness · 06/10/2016 17:52

think you need to swallow it and pay for childcare or do it yourself, your kids education and welfare is more important and they must of been late most mornings for them to consider reporting it

MaQueen · 06/10/2016 18:02

Some people are highly organised and very efficient. Other people faff...

When I used to do the school run I always ensured uniform was laid out the night before, packed lunch ready in the fridge, school bag packed and by the backdoor.

So never, ever had any problems with the school run and can't ever remember bring late? During all this time, I was usually working too.

In contrast I have a friend, didn't work, and yet was invariably always, always late doing the school run. Chances are her DC wouldn't have their PE kit or lunch box, half the time. She is lovely, but a hopeless faffer...

101waystoworry · 06/10/2016 18:14

No Yanbu, I am a single mother of two (a 5 year old and a 3 year old) and have always done school run (no father involved) now granted I live 5 minutes from the school but I manage perfectly fine! I get up about half 7 Monday-Wednesday and within an hour the children are both dressed and have had their breakfast etc and are walking out of the door. Thursday and Friday we get up at 7:15 and are out of the door at 7:50 for breakfast club!

Selfimproved · 06/10/2016 18:20

It takes me 1.5 hours to get myself and three kids ready. Clothes laid out night before, snack bags ready. My eldest manages to get himself ready with a bit of prompting from me and half the time manages to do his piano scales too. We are never late.

It is also the hardest and most stressful part of my day. Any problem work throws at me is a piece of cake after that!

Craigie · 06/10/2016 18:35

We're an hour from getting up to leaving the door. I make porridge and their snacks, give them breakfast then go and have a shower & get dressed. My boys dress themselves & pack the snack I've made and any PE kit they need. We leave at 8am on the dot every day. Your ex sounds like one of life's procrastinators! Stick a rocket up his arse.

ample · 06/10/2016 18:36

I have a 10yo who loves to sleep no matter what time bedtime was the night before, so getting her up and out the door in the mornings take real effort on her part - and for me to not pull my hair out.
We have never been late for school.

needsahalo · 06/10/2016 19:08

YABU. Don't underestimate the sheer level of faffing that goes on

Really? I'm a single parent and can get 3 children out the door on time, every time. There is no faffing. We get dressed. We eat. We brush teeth, wash, do hair, put on shoes. Whilst they watch 10 minutes of TV, I do my make-up and hair. My eldest -12- has made a bowl of cereal for us all since he was 8. We are at school by 7:30 for breakfast club. My job requires me to be at work on time. The roof over our heads depends on it. Faffing or no faffing, learning to do as you are told and being on time is an essential in life.

megletthesecond · 06/10/2016 19:29

Everything is organised the night before here. The kids still run riot and almost make us late though. I hate mornings and shout a lot, better to shout than lose my job though.

falange · 06/10/2016 19:33

YANBU. It's not that hard. I had 2 to drop off at different schools 4 miles from home and we were only ever late twice because of rta's (not ours). But I was going to work straight afterwards and couldn't be late myself which I suspect is a great incentive. I'd be having strong words with your children if he says they don't take any notice of him. If no improvement a child minder may be necessary.

Sara107 · 06/10/2016 20:07

I hope you have a good chat with your ex, OP. Of course he should be doing this, as he isn't contributing financially otherwise. On the plus side he's obviously fairly motivated if he is regularly turning up at 7 am every day. Maybe he just hasn't fully realised the consequences of being a bit late to school. It sounds like only 10 mins or so, maybe he thinks that doesn't really matter, it's not like they're actually missing anything. Hopefully just showing him the letter from school will sharpen up his time keeping!

Jojofjo44 · 06/10/2016 20:21

Does your ex also do the after school as well? Or yourself? Some men lack organisational skills without direction, my partner included. I have to give him step by step instructions to do or he gets muddled and frustrated. Perhaps you need to show him how to do it.

DixieNormas · 06/10/2016 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

monstiebags · 06/10/2016 20:37

School runs are difficult. Doing it once in a blue moon is not the same as the slog every day - depends on the children of course but mine was always easily distracted and seemed to take hours to get dressed and eat breakfast. By half term, I was desperate for days when we could just take our time and get ready at a pace that suited us. having said that I do think that men don't have the same regard for rules about time keeping and would make the decision that the supreme effort required to be on time is just not worth it.

PunkrockerGirl · 06/10/2016 20:47

"snack bag"
What fresh hell is this? Mine had breakfast, a packed lunch and tea in the evening. The world seems to revolve around snacks these days, I just dont get it.
And the word "snack" grinds my teeth. Just bleugh.

Selfimproved · 06/10/2016 21:00

Punkrockergirl sorry my snacks damaged your teeth. Mine can barely eat breakfast at 7am (when they would have to eat it to enable me to get to work). They eat it at morning play, it's essential a 'breakfast bag' if that makes it more acceptable. No the school doesn't have a breakfast club.

Oliversmumsarmy · 06/10/2016 21:05

But would it be so easy if you had to go into someone else's house, where you cant organise anything the night before. You cant raise your voice or try to do any chivvying because your ex is listening to everything.

VinoTime · 06/10/2016 21:28

I think we can all relate to belting our way to the gates late due to DC's faffing about or the other 1000 possible things that can potentially go wrong in the mornings before the school run. However, being continuously late, to my mind at least, means there is a definite problem with a lack of organisation, general time keeping and ability to parent effectively.

My 9 year old is one of the worlds worst in the mornings at times. Easily distracted, slow, wants to play instead of getting ready, etc. Drives me round the bend. But it is my responsibility as a parent to make sure I factor all of that in and allow enough time in the mornings between waking her up and getting her through the school gates. We cannot leave the house any later than 8:30 or else that one mile walk is done at roadrunner pace and is stressful as hell. So I wake her up at 7, leave her plenty of time to get dressed, make sure she eats a decent breakfast at the table and I don't allow any screen time whatsoever in the mornings - it just distracts her and turns her into a zombie with selective hearing. As soon as breakfast is finished, she needs to do toilet, teeth and get her hair done. She then needs to make sure her coat, school bag (which is packed the night before), lunchbox (which I make up first thing in the morning for her) and shoes are at the door ready for when we leave. As soon as all of that is done, she can play or read to her hearts content.

Shoes, coats, bags, lead for the dog, etc start going on at 8:25. It's like a military operation but we have it nailed. I appreciate I'm doing this for one child, not four, but you take responsibility for however many children you have and crack on. Getting them to school on time is part of the parenting deal, hard as I know it can be. Everyone has off days. None of us are perfect and shit does happen, especially when there are kids in the picture. But for a school to threaten to report constant lateness means they are late a lot. It's disruptive as hell for your children, every other child in their class and their teachers.

Your ex can smoke as many fags as he wants on the walk home once he has the children through the gate on time. YANBU.

sailorcherries · 06/10/2016 22:06

A few things strike me as odd, OP done the school run for 4 years up until 4 months ago and at the end of last term she received a letter for constant lateness. Now, going by the new term start dates and the amount of time OP stated Ex has had control in the mornings, your looking at only a small amount of actual school runs - possibly since June? How the hell can it suddenly flag up for constant tardiness in that small amount of time? I'm a teacher and know it doesn't happen that suddenly, so doesn't tie in with the way systems work. They would need to have been late a fair few times before ex took charge for it to have this affect.

Also, ex apparently isn't very interested and suddenly had taken on the care of 4 children (yes his own), in someone else's home, after not having those responsibilities. Someone cannot just walk in to that role and breeze through it.

Lastly, he may be their father but if he did not do these morning runs then OP would either not be woring or forking out a small fortune for alternative childcare. If she is unhappy with the arrangements then she has that option, as do all parents separated or together.

P.s. you had a day off and still had someone else care for the children. Most people would do the school run and then have me time after. They would not sit until 20 minutes before school starts (after someone being there for 1.5 hours) before noticing things weren't right and only stepping in then, nor would they continue to let it go to pot and actually watch their children be late and do bugger all: you had over an hour to grt dressed, take control and take the kids if you wanted.

Rattusn · 06/10/2016 22:17

I found it hardest to be on time with a newborn in the mix. Everybody dressed and ready to go and suddenly the baby would do an explosive poo necessitating a bath and a complete change of clothes.

Mrsprawntail · 06/10/2016 22:47

I assume this is a joke? YAB massively U. Can't even be bothered going into why.

pollymere · 06/10/2016 22:49

He needs a routine with them. There is no point being there by seven if they're not dressed and breakfast eaten by eight. I know kids faff but once they have a routine it makes a difference. It is a matter for Educational Welfare and you could be found at fault as you've chosen him to get them ready for school.

Bogeyface · 06/10/2016 22:53

YANBU

At one point I was doing the school run with 5 kids, one of whom was a newborn and they were on time everyday.

There is a difference between kids playing up and not cooperating and him leaving them to it while he stands outside and has a fag.

However, as he clearly doesnt give a toss, I think that you may need to find an alternative because it isnt fair on the kids to be late every day or you to have to deal with the fallout if he doesnt pull his socks up.

DixieNormas · 06/10/2016 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ohyesiam · 06/10/2016 22:56

Because she goes to work early

PunkrockerGirl · 06/10/2016 22:57

Selfimproved your snacks didn't damage my teeth as you well know.
There was no option for eating breakfast at morning play when my dc were small, it just wasn't allowed nor should it be Bloody helI, teacher's lives are hard enough without having to monitor which children are having breakfast and which are just having a snack Hmm I do shift work and when dc were small they had breakfast well before 7am or went without and they had a piece of fruit for playtime. They soon learnt that it was a long time till lunch (and breakfast clubs weren't a thing in those days) so it was better to eat breakfast. This constant need for snacks, unless there's a genuine medical need, just baffles me. Why is this generation of children so much hungrier and unable to go between meals without eating? What's changed? Genuinely interested.