School runs arent that difficult?

[Mildinsanity]

AIBU?
My DP and I work full time with a 1.5hr commute eith way so DCs dad comes and does the childcare/ school runs etc.

End of last term I recieved a letter from the school saying the DCs are repeatedly late in and if it continues they will make a report to the welfare people.

I spoke to DCs dad and he apologised and said it wont happen again and he'll ensure they get there on time.

Which brings us to today, I have a very rare day off work (own buisness so DP and I schedules are usually jam packed to try and make ends meet) and DCs dad says he will still do the school run.
He arrives at 7am as usual and gets the kids up so I can try and get some rest.
8.50 and they have only just left (school starts at 8.50 and its a 10 minute walk).

Now it could be they are having a particulary bad morning but I dont believe thats the case.

I went downstairs to hurry them up at 8.30 because I know they should be ready and leaving and they werent even dressed ready, I hurried them to get dressed as they were apparently ignoring their dad but he didnt seem all that bothered to encorage them as he was outside with a fag.

If this is what it is like everyday no wonder they are late, he just doesnt seem bothered and says they wont listen to him.
I think its his job as a parent (he doesnt work btw) to make them listen and ensure they leave on time.

AIBU to think it doesnt take nearly 2 hours to get 4 DCs (3,6,7,8) ready for school?

[user1471544305]

Hey your kids alarm clocks and teach them that they have to start getting ready when it goes off, then when the next alarm goes off they have to do teeth and hair and when the last one goes off they have to leave the house. Routine your kids need a routine and you need to train them take a week taking them yourself and try the clocks.

[PunkrockerGirl]

Selfimproved
Not odd at all love. Nothing wrong with a break time snack when the dc have been up since 6 (and they had breakfast before they left). You're the one saying that there's nothing wrong sending your kids in to school with their breakfast to eat at break. Bravo for doing a better job than the rest of us with our pampered, over eating apple fed children
And bravo to you for deliberately misinterpreting my post. I can only say how it was for my dc. It sounds like I touched a nerve, you're the one who mentioned 'pampered kids'. Sometimes the cap fits .....

[Benedikte2]

I detect her the same mindset which expresses how wonderful a father is if he does something a mother is expected to do as a matter of course! The OP is and has struggled to support her children with no visible support from their father and when he is asked (and agrees) to do one task to help he fails miserably and people rush to find excuses and say the OP should be doing more to help him!
I think the OP should lay it on the line and tell him he has two options -- either to pull his head in and get the children to school on time or get a job and pay for a childminder. Two hours a day of contact with his children getting them dressed and ready for school is hardly comparable with what be expected of him in full time employment.
I hope your hard work results in a very successful business OP.
Good luck

[Maireadplastic]

Get them dressed first before everything else. Then it doesn't matter what happens, they will be ready.

[rockcake]

YANBU! it's not that hard if you can be bothered to get a grip on the basics of life and bring kids up the same way. Plenty of parents manage school run in addition to work, home matters and hobbies etc, without thinking twice fgs.....

[NNChangeAgain]

Ex has a very limited set of sanctions at his disposal if the DC misbehave without OP agreeing to support him.

YY, this is what I was trying, badly, to explain upthread. The parent doing the school run is the NRP. From the DCs point of view, he arrives every morning when mum and stepdad leave, then rushes them to get ready to leave themselves. Anyone who thinks a child will behave in the same way in that situation as they will with their RP knows very little about DCs.

And what options are available to the Dad? His only recourse is to get "heavy" with them; he can't penalise them by removing privileges such as TV, games etc - they're not given by him to take away.

[redskytonight]

I'd be interested to know how much OP has ready for her ex.

There is a world of difference to arriving to uniform laid out, bags packed etc. And arriving to not being able to find uniform, no idea where Fred's reading book is.

I too have had a child that dragged their feet in the morning, but that dramatically improved when I instituted a rule that every minute of phaffing = 1 less minute of TV viewing. Ex has a very limited set of sanctions at his disposal if the DC misbehave without OP agreeing to support him.

[worldsworstchildren]

Sounds to me like he's almost doing it on purpose so that eventually you'll tell him not to bother.

[Dieu]

I can see both sides. He should absolutely be capable of executing a successful school run, especially as you are the earner.
However, I think you need to be on the same page with regard to the kids, and both speak to them about the mornings. Also, if their stuff is organised the night before, it shouldn't be that difficult. Does he have to do packed lunches etc in the morning as well, or is it just a case of dressing and breakfast?

[sailorcherries]

Again, why is the blame solely on the ex? He has done the school run for 4 months (say June/July and September/October for talking sake). By July the children had been placed on a system where it flagged up constant tardiness: that does not happen just from ex taking over in June, that is a long time coming and therefore not sole fault of ex.

Op was also in the house one morning and sat for 1.5 hours while she knew her children were behind schedule and done bugger all until 20 minutes before school started, then left it again. If she were so concerned she'd have gotten dressed and sorted the situation herself, but no, heaven forbid it interrupted her lie in.

Yes he may be their dad, yes he may not work but that doesn't mean that after 2 months before summer and 2 months after he'll have cracked the morning routine and discipline, especially since op has stated he hasn't been very prevalent in their life.

There's more here than meets the eye and it seems like op wants a scape goat.

[Ginseng1]

Yanbu at all I'd be furious it's the least their dad can do is get them to fricking school on time! I know it's tough getting kids out the door as do you since u did it on your own for long enough but you do it cos u have to. Can't believe people on here suggesting u do it yourself / pay a childminder when he not working n doesn't contribute a penny to their upkeep!!

[Glittered]

Instead of going for a rest then if you are concerned why didn't you help them get ready too
Either that or they are late again

[Jennybug17]

I struggle some mornings getting my LO ready and I only have one at the moment! We have been late once but it doesn't leave me without a frazzled head.

It doesn't matter who is doing the school run, if someone offered to take my daughter and school was threatening to report me to welfare for her being constantly late, I would be finding someone else to do it. Or at least asking why, it's ok to be late some days, things don't always go to plan, but I wouldn't be stood around smoking whilst my child was sat with one sock on.

We aren't superwomen, I am already sacrificing money by reducing my working hours to do the school run myself as no one else can.

[NoFucksImAQueen]

I'd ask the headteacher to speak directly to him.,maybe it'll shame him into trying harder.
I have 3 dc 5, 2 and 10mo and the school run involves a drive. We are often a few mins late as in sneaking in through the office but there for registration. It is hard but it sounds like he's not even trying

[Gyderlily]

-Beezie- even my 3 year old dresses her self unsupervised IF you can turn it in to a game and make her think it's her idea.(unfortunately this is rare and if she gets any inkling you want/need her to do this it will not be done) Eldest has done so since at least 4.

[Gyderlily]

YANB ... I do only have 2 dc, 3 &6 but we have long run dropping school first then nursery, by 8.30 by which time we've done 2.5 miles with an often uncooperative 3 year old in a scooter, before this when dc1 was at nursery we had to get a bus 3 miles as when we moved all local places were full, bus stop is a fair walk. We have never been late!
Get up at 7, I still need to find and iron clothes (need to start doing that the night before) and leave 7.55 at latest. Mine are both major faffers too.

[Beeziekn33ze]

Don't any of the OP's children dress themselves without supervision?\

[Selfimproved]

Hi again punk my kids can eat an apple and a cereal bar without a teachers help! If they couldn't I'd be worried.

Most kids have something to eat at playtime.

Bravo for doing a better job than the rest of us with our pampered, over fed apple eating children. Oh wait, I re read your post to check I wasn't being abrupt unnecessarily and have realised that your kids also had a piece of fruit for play. Yet somehow mine are making the teacher lives harder? You must see that's odd.

[DorcasthePuffin]

A bully?



Has MN been invaded tonight?

[avamiah]

DorcasthePuffin,
Sounds like your a bit of a Bully did PickAChew hit a raw nerve?
I'd say so.

[DorcasthePuffin]

Have you actually read the thread, PickAChew?

Sounds like you are judging OP because you think the school run should be her responsibility, not his. Sounds like you disapprove of working mothers who don't take their kids to school - do you feel the same about working fathers?

[PickAChew]

Ever heard of the phrase herding cats, OP?

And if it's so easy, why did you need him to do it rather than give the kids the rare treat of you - their mum - taking them to school?

[lukeymom]

It's about being organized.With 4 kids you should have all their clothes and bags ready the night before. Tell them not to mess about each morning and that it's important they get there on time.

I only have two kids and the oldest who is 8 panics every morning incase he is late. He shouts at me to hurry up and cries sometimes.He is rarely late. Yet I see some kids going into school around 9.15am.

[Ohyesiam]

Manumission, you day " unusual " like it's a disease. There are people who have way weirder lives than this. Not every ex is the enemy. It could be seen as an enlightened way to live.

[Bogeyface]

Bet if he was told he could have a million pounds if he got them to school on time he'd manage.

Yeah I bet he would! Which sadly shows how little he cares about his kids.