Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU and PFB about this?

196 replies

AnonymousArmadillo · 29/09/2016 06:26

I have NC for this as possibly a bit outing but I promise I am a regular poster.

So my DP has suggested going for a few days to his parents house with DD. I'm working so can't go too.

I have only left DD overnight on one occasion before but she was still with DP so I didn't stress insesintly that much. But I just get this feeling that if DP goes up there, MIL will suggest he goes for a night on the town with his dad and brother (she has suggested that he go up and do this many times and I think she may take the opportunity when I'm not there to guilt trip DP) and leave DD with her. She has never had DD overnight before and DD can be a bit funny about bedtimes if its not me someone different and it can leave her really inconsolably upset. She is only 2. I am worried that if they go, this will happen and MIL won't know how to calm her down because she's never had to before.

AIBU PFB about this? Willing to accept and have a feeling that I am.

OP posts:
confusedandemployed · 29/09/2016 06:27

Age 2? Yes a bit I reckon 😊

DragonMamma · 29/09/2016 06:29

Yes. You're being pfb I'm afraid.

ChickenSalad · 29/09/2016 06:29

YABU. About time other people were allowed to do bedtimes- you may be pleasantly surprised and it will be a positive thing in the long run.

NovemberInDailyFailLand · 29/09/2016 06:29

Well, your MIL has managed at least one child, so I'm sure she'll cope fine.

Ultimately your choice, though.

Bagina · 29/09/2016 06:29

Yes. Enjoy the break.

DonaldStott · 29/09/2016 06:31

Just a little bit sorry. I thought you were going to say she was 6 months old or something. Whats the worst that could happen? Dd wont go to bed so granny gets her up and lets her fall asleep on the couch. I consider myself a bit pfb (dd is 7 now and I a still like this Grin) but even I could have coped with that.

TheLaundryLady · 29/09/2016 06:33

Yes YABU - your mil has raised DC herself. She may do things differently to you but that's ok.
It's great that she wants to spend quality time with her DGD

user1474781546 · 29/09/2016 06:35

My kids didn't have a sleepover ( with anyone) until they were 5 years old. And that was with their gran.
I don't think you are being pfb at all- it's just you you operate as a parent.

Trust you instincts. There is no right or wrong. If you feel she is too young then don't do it.

Original poster
AnonymousArmadillo · 29/09/2016 06:35

Ok. Blush I thought I might be. I have been this way since she was born. Leaving her to go back to work was beyond unbareable. I cried all the way there.

OP posts:
katemess12 · 29/09/2016 06:36

Yes, YABU.

Your MIL will find a way to settle her, I'm sure. But you may be worrying about nothing anyway. Your DP may not go out, and, if he does, he may wait until after DD is asleep.

Duckyneedsaclean · 29/09/2016 06:36

Very pfb I'm afraid. Take a deep breath a let go!

Original poster
AnonymousArmadillo · 29/09/2016 06:40

Just realised from my first post...

Insesintly should be crossed out not italics

Stupid phone not knowing what I wanted even though that's not what I typed in autocorrecting. Grin

OP posts:
katemess12 · 29/09/2016 06:42

Let her go with DP and enjoy the break, OP. She'll be fine. Smile

Original poster
AnonymousArmadillo · 29/09/2016 06:50

Thank you for tearing me apart. Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
AnonymousArmadillo · 29/09/2016 06:51

*not tearing

It's too early...

OP posts:
Ausernotanumber · 29/09/2016 06:58

Do you mean Incessantly?

Yabu she's 2. She will be fine.

Original poster
AnonymousArmadillo · 29/09/2016 06:59

Yeah probably do mean that. Grin

OP posts:
dylsmimi · 29/09/2016 07:01

Can your dp do bedtime before he goes out? That may make you feel better? Then it's only if she woke that your mil would need to go to her.
It's hard leaving them I know but your dd and mil will have a lovely time together and just think of the lovely long lie in you can have! And the peaceful morning not jealous after being up since 5 and now have a grumpy 3yr old too

SaucyJack · 29/09/2016 07:06

Yep, another YABU. Sorry.

Remember your DP doesn't need your permission to leave his DD with his mum anyway.

Original poster
AnonymousArmadillo · 29/09/2016 07:07

Unfortunately no lie in. He will be going midweek so I will have to be up for work the next day. Sad He has a week off from work the week after half term annoyingly. Not the week of half term when I would be off as well.

OP posts:
dylsmimi · 29/09/2016 07:09

Never mind about the lie in Sad but at least a more peaceful morning than getting a toddler ready too!
I have always found that my dc settle better and are much more well behaved with grandparents than me (although that could be grandparent rose tinted glasses!) I think she - and you- will be fine. She is old enough to communicate what she needs so try not to worry

Original poster
AnonymousArmadillo · 29/09/2016 07:12

I know he doesn't need my permission. But I had been thinking about asking him with big puppy dog eyes not to leave her but I won't now.

OP posts:
blueturtle6 · 29/09/2016 07:12

Suggest he goes for two nights, first night he's there whilst she settles dd to bed, if all goes well he goes out next night. At 2 you are pfb, if we had had the opportunity my dd would've have a sleep over with gran by now and she's 1.

Cel982 · 29/09/2016 07:13

YANBU. You know your daughter best. I've never left my 2-year-old overnight, and I'd have similar concerns - she will fall asleep eventually for people other than me, but if she wakes in the night and I'm not there she's inconsolable.

I hate the accepted wisdom that leaving your child overnight is some sort of milestone that you and she need to get over. You'll know when she's ready.

WatchingFromTheWings · 29/09/2016 07:15

My kids always behaved better for other people at sleepovers, even at that age. You will probably find she's perfectly fine.

Enjoy the time to yourself, even if you are still in work you're child free in the evenings and over night!