in thinking that DPs mother is trying to punish me for being pregnant

[phugop]

Currently 24wks pregnant and DP’s mother is far from pleased about the news. DP’s family are extremely traditional and are very much against having children before marriage. We have only been together for 2 years and whilst we do both want to get married in the future, we are prioritising buying a house together at the moment instead. I fell pregnant unexpectedly but we are both genuinely happy and feel very much ready for a baby.

Ever since we announced the news to DP’s family I have had to put up with snide remarks from his mother regarding how disappointed she is that we are not married and how embarrassing it is for her that I am ruining the family tradition by ‘letting myself get pregnant so early on’, how we do not own a home so have no stability for the baby etc. These comments have always been made when we are alone and never in the earshot of other family members or DP Whilst I have felt like punching her in the face, I’ve tried my best to appear bright and unfazed by them in the hope that she’ll see that her nasty words will not get a reaction from me.

Over the last few weeks though I’m sure she is getting even worse. On the day of our 20wk scan she decides to call DP an hour before we are supposed to be at our appointment desperately requesting that DP go over to her house within the next hour to help her load some very heavy bags into her car so that she could get to the tip before it closed. Of course DP didn’t go, but she specifically knew the time and date of our scan and I honestly feel like she hoped DP might go and I’d be left on my own for the scan. The final straw is today, she has just told me that she has organised a large family party and the venue has all been booked on the very day I am due to give birth!!!! She called to tell me that she wouldn’t be inviting me as she’s sure I’ll be too uncomfortable but that she hopes I will ‘allow’ DP to still come along as it’s important to her that he is there!

I am absolutely fuming. DP just does not get it either as she has told him that she’s ecstatic about the pregnancy and happy for us both. He’s had the nerve to ask me whether I am letting my hormones get to me as he’s sure that she wouldn’t ever say anything to hurt me and perhaps I took it wrong! AIBU here or does it sound like she’s a vindictive nasty cow who is out to get me?

Your MIL sound like my FIL, he was one of thouse prim and proper types. Work. marriage, kids, woman stay at home kind of thing. Me and DH had 2 Kids befor we got married. He said that I let myself get pregnant. Safe to say he did not like my reply of "I really remember your son being the one doing that". Never spoke a word to me since.

I'd stay as far away from the poisonous twat as humanly possibly.

I know it's not PC, but the next time she mentions marriage can't you just say 'You need to speak to your son, I'd love to get married but he hasn't asked me!'. Might not be true but who cares if it shuts her up for a while?

Record the woman in action so dp can see first hand what a manipulative nasty mother he has

Lots of tinkly laughs and passive aggressive comments are being suggested. I think that it is best to be direct. Call her out on it next time and tell her that type of comment is hurtful. No big deal. Then say to your DP that she is nasty to you and you don't want to see her anymore. If you have the stomach for it when she does it next time, explain properly that these comments hurt your feelings, you will not accept them any longer and will have to reduce contact if they continue. Getting into a passive aggressive stand off with her seems very risky. She is clearly a master of it. Are you really going to win - or just make things worse?

Luna I love your response, OP should definitely use it!

Luna he hasn't actually spoken to you since??

Kind of out of context but I remember my Ex MiL planning her 70th birthday party, deciding the venue and guest list.... However my ex-h had to send out the invites etc and then when she turned up on the evening it was a WONERFUL SURPRISE !!!! I could barely sit there and let her 'wonderful son' my husband at the time take the praise - after she had planned it all - witch as she was - I never liked her 😂😂😂

I think its poor of your DP to defend his mother and blame your hormones that's crap and not acknowledging the problem. With regard to her party its unlikely you will deliver on your due date, so I would turn up with big bump proudly on display and totally steal the limelight! This will really piss her off as you will be getting all the attention, even more so is baby has been born. Even though you haven't been invited she can hardly throw you out and I would go just to rain on her parade.

post how it goes. Don't take any shit. You can be as nice as pie but get her to repeat stuff or parrot fashion everything to your partner in front of her.

Looking forward to an update on this one!! Best of luck taking her down, phugop!

Total innocence, tinkly laugh all the way!

Spot on advice - and if you need any instruction on how to do a tinkly laugh, watch Father Ted - the episode where he had to judge the "Miss Lovely Girl" competition.

Maybe her memory's playing up?
She seems to not remember dates that are important to her son, which is a bit worrying!

"letting myself get pregnant"

i take it this woman has forgot her son possesses fertile sexual organs and it takes two to tango?

She is being very short sighted. After all once the baby is born she'll no doubt want to play the doting grandmother and she'll need you on side. Looking forward to an update after Fridays showdown dinner.

You do not take crap from this woman, you treat her, how she treats you. You tell your dp what goes on. You put her in the shit, she deserves it!You have to let her know that you will not be treated like that.

Good luck with bringing her to task op, what a toxic harridan.

From personal experience if you let it go she will get worse. These hateful hags never stop. Talk to DP and explain what she is doing and that he must talk to her. My bully did not get a rise from me but then started on the kids. Please don't go down that road it's toxic.

Im quite jaded at MIL threads here because more often than not I have a lot of sympathy for them - but this takes the biscuit...what a nasty horrible woman. Im a bit concerned though that your DP make not be as supportive as you should be and I agree with people who are saying if you let this go she will only get worse.

Go to the party. Ensure you give birth on the buffet table.

Christ, what a sad, desiccated, unbalanced old cunt.

Godspeed to you in dealing with this and of course, it goes without saying, you are not being even remotely unreasonable. Nor would you be if you knocked her block off imo.

If you have had the baby and take her/him with you to the party, I guarantee she'll parade it around like her very own.

Oranges nails it - literally, if you just say to her "I feel really hurt by that comment" it gives her nowhere to run.

You're not being PA
You're not "making a scene"
You're just telling her how her words make you feel.

Now doing that will probably result in some BS reaction from her ("oh I didn't mean it like that/I was only kidding") but she'll know that her shitty attitude has been called out on.

Hopefully it'll put her gas at a peep. Not to sound like an observer at the guillotine but will you let us know how your meal goes. We are all invested in that massive cow getting her just desserts x

mrszc Him and the MIL got divorced (he cheated on her) as soon as he was found out he soon to have disappeared. Was 2 years ago now.

** as soon as he signed the papers he seemed to have disappeared.

Stupid phone keyboard