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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to looking after friends kids

195 replies

egginthebun · 19/09/2016 14:57

A friend has an interview, now if she gets the job she'll need someone to pick her two kids up from school and keep them till she's finished work. She's asked me to do it. I've had to say no and she isn't too happy! I have two of my own, one 13 and one 7. My 13 yr old walks home from school, I pick my 7 year old up. Her kids are 3 and 7. I really don't want to be burdened with someone else's kids every day after school. I use my very small car to pick youngest up and would need another two car seats which wouldn't fit in my car for a start. We sometimes go out after school and I wouldn't have room for 4 kids in car. Her 7 yr old is a spoilt brat and is really mean to my 7 yr old so that's another reason I don't want to do it! I explained the situation to my friend about having no room in car but she said we could just walk then it would be no problem! I don't want to walk! AIBU to say no? I'm starting to feel like the worse friend ever!

OP posts:
fitzbilly · 19/09/2016 15:00

Of course Ynbu. Fine as a one off to help a friend out, but not as a regular arrangement!

She needs to pay for that sort of child care!

Stillunexpected · 19/09/2016 15:00

A "friend" would offer to look after someone's children for the occasional afternoon or two, not every day after school! She is being massively unreasonable to ask! If she gets the job, then she will need to do what most working parents do and employ a childminder or use after-school club. Do not get guilted into doing this!

talulahbelle · 19/09/2016 15:00

No of course not! Her children, her job to sort out their childcare.

You could, as a very generous friend and only if it worked for you, offer to be an emergency contact in case of sickness. That's the most I would offer though.

Diamogs · 19/09/2016 15:02

You probably know this OP but YANBU

IamWendy · 19/09/2016 15:05

Stay firm op, don't wibble on this......you'll regret it.

DixieWishbone · 19/09/2016 15:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 19/09/2016 15:10

It's not just the journey so don't get bogged down in that part of it. It's having them round. If the 7 year olds don't get on it's a non-runner anyway. What happens if one of your two starts an after school club?
The gap in ages means your two are at different schools so there could be days when you have to ferry your eldest somewhere and dragging the other two is just too much of a handful.

You don't mention if she's promised payment so I hope it's not a "You'll be collecting your children anyway so it's not like there are problems with minding my two" argument.

5Foot5 · 19/09/2016 15:11

Why on earth would you even think YWBU? Your "friend" has a massive cheek. Do not be guilt tripped in to this

willconcern · 19/09/2016 15:12

No. She is taking the piss. Big time! She should sort afterschool care, just like other working parents.

gandalf456 · 19/09/2016 15:13

She can ask if she wants but you're entitled to say no. It's too big an ask for everyday for reasons above and not wanting to is a good enough reason.

RedSauceAndJellyJuice · 19/09/2016 15:21

Oh my god no , just no

leaveittothediva · 19/09/2016 15:23

Absolutely no way. No, is a fully sentence, you don't owe her an explanation. I'm allergic to people who want children looked after, you do it once, and suddenly it's like a full time job. I learned my lesson the hard way.

ayeokthen · 19/09/2016 15:26

How rude to be upset about you saying no. It's a lot to expect someone to take on, every day and long term.

BeMorePanda · 19/09/2016 15:28

she needs a childminder or after school club, like every other working parent.

ImAMorningPerson · 19/09/2016 15:29

I had a "friend" burdening me with her friend daughter ALL the time as our kids are in the same class. She took the piss for a couple of years but seems to have moved on to another "friend" now to pick up the daughter.

Don't get a job if you can't do the hours, it's simple!

AmeliaJack · 19/09/2016 15:30

She wants you to do homework, snacks, and supervision for a 3 year old every day? Even if her kids were delightful that's not on.

Keep saying no.

Mycatsabastard · 19/09/2016 15:30

Don't do it. I suggest you look up local CM in your area and send her a list.

This is beyond being a friend, this is asking for free childcare on a longterm/permanent basis.

I have done this for a friend, it was fine. But I offered. That's the huge difference. And the dc in question was in my dd's class and they were good friends. At no point would I take on dc my dc didn't get on with. Recipe for disaster.

And what would happen in the school holidays? Would you be expected to have both of them all day every day?

Seriously just say no.

icouldabeenacontender · 19/09/2016 15:30

I have a feeling in my waters that this will be a unanimous YANBU.
She's got a bloody cheek asking you and even more cheek trying to press you when you said no.

BigbyWolf · 19/09/2016 15:31

Good god no, yanbu! I wouldn't do that for all the tea in China. Your friend is being incredibly cheeky! Don't do it!

icouldabeenacontender · 19/09/2016 15:31

Gosh yes, I didn't even think about school holidays.

expatinscotland · 19/09/2016 15:31

'I explained the situation to my friend about having no room in car but she said we could just walk then it would be no problem! I don't want to walk! AIBU to say no? I'm starting to feel like the worse friend ever!'

WTAF?!!! NO. Just fucking NO. I want you to get this through your head, OP: your 'friend' is a pisstaking cow. Not only is her request a total pisstake, but then she refused to take NO for an answer and keeps harping on you to provide her kids with free care.

You feel like the worst friend ever? Really? What about your son, would you seriously subject him to a kid who's mean and nasty to him, every day, for this pisstaking cow of a person who cares not a jot about your or your life, but only about manipulating you to serve her own ends?

Your son is first. Your life is first. Time with your family is first.

'NO, you need to arrange childcare. I'm not available for childcare.' She tells you you are a bad friend, you tell her how disappointed you are that she doesn't seem to take no for an answer.

oldlaundbooth · 19/09/2016 15:32

So she basically wants free childcare every night after school?

Tell her it's 5 pounds per hour, per child.

That'll learn her.

These people! Shock

AChickenCalledKorma · 19/09/2016 15:33

A friend and neighbour asked me to do this a few years ago. I just said I didn't want to make that sort of commitment because I want to focus on my own kids after school. Thankfully, the friend in question was quite reasonable and didn't make an issue of it.

There's no way on earth you should be taking on a 3yo unless it's something you are doing as a business (i.e. childminder). You wouldn't be able to focus on your own kids - especially the 13yo who will have totally different needs. So just say no, you don't want to. Don't make excuses about the car. Just keep saying no. If she's cross, it's her problem (and I'm sure she knows that, really).

oldlaundbooth · 19/09/2016 15:33

FWIW, this woman isn't really a friend. Thye don't take to the piss.

eatsleephockeyrepeat · 19/09/2016 15:33

YANBU, but seeing as I think this thread's going to be a whitewash and I love a bit of contention sometimes may I propose you reconsider walking the school run? With your own kids of course.

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