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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to looking after friends kids

195 replies

egginthebun · 19/09/2016 14:57

A friend has an interview, now if she gets the job she'll need someone to pick her two kids up from school and keep them till she's finished work. She's asked me to do it. I've had to say no and she isn't too happy! I have two of my own, one 13 and one 7. My 13 yr old walks home from school, I pick my 7 year old up. Her kids are 3 and 7. I really don't want to be burdened with someone else's kids every day after school. I use my very small car to pick youngest up and would need another two car seats which wouldn't fit in my car for a start. We sometimes go out after school and I wouldn't have room for 4 kids in car. Her 7 yr old is a spoilt brat and is really mean to my 7 yr old so that's another reason I don't want to do it! I explained the situation to my friend about having no room in car but she said we could just walk then it would be no problem! I don't want to walk! AIBU to say no? I'm starting to feel like the worse friend ever!

OP posts:
228agreenend · 19/09/2016 20:39

As others have said, she is being very cheeky and you are not the worst friend.

When will,the job finish? people rarely finish on time, and if you know someone is looking after your kids, then why rush. And then there's the odd meeting, or overtime etc. A 5 pm finish could easily mean she wouldn't get to you until 6pm. Not to mention holidays and inset days etc.

Also, what happens if your children are ill (not wishing them I'll) and you can't do,the school run?

She should look for jobs that fit around her children or get a childminder.

JellyBelli · 19/09/2016 20:43

I wish I had that much face! the things I would do Grin

roundandroundthehouses · 19/09/2016 20:51

So she wanted you (past tense as you ain't doing it) to:

  • Walk from school with three children, including a small one, every day, even if it's pissing it down
  • Subject your son to the company of someone who's nasty to him, every day after school
  • Say goodbye to your own post-school plans as you're now supervising a three year old
  • Have any post-school arrangements (clubs, park trips, dentist appointments, all the usual things that people do) completely buggered up, as you can't transport all the children in your car
  • Unclear what her plans were for school holidays

All so that she can earn money. And now she's trying to give you a guilt trip. Feck that.

myusernamewastaken · 19/09/2016 21:47

I got caught out with an arrangement like this a few years ago....like the poster above says....dental appts etc become a real pain in the arse...dont do it op you will regret it !!!

tomtomthepipersson · 19/09/2016 22:31

Don't do it. I did it as favours and that bad enough. To have her children from 7.00am and drop them to school. School pick ups including feeding them. It all got too much as they never even invited mine over for a play. I said No. Three times in a row and they haven't asked since and she had found a new 'friend' . Some people are takers

rollonthesummer · 19/09/2016 22:37

No no no! In the words of Zammo....

HarryPottersMagicWand · 19/09/2016 22:45

She will do you a favour if she stops talking to you! What a piss taking cow she is!

umizoomi · 19/09/2016 22:53

No, she needs to pay for childcare like everyone else.

But your excuse about the car is rubbish even the smallest cars would fit an adult and 4 kids unless it's a two seater

You should just say no.

Permanentlyexhausted · 19/09/2016 23:10

Yanbu.

I agree with umizoomi though. The car excuse was rubbish. By using it you implied that the only thing stopping you from helping her was the size of your car, inviting her to solve the problem for you (which she did by suggesting you walked).

SocksRock · 19/09/2016 23:18

I have my friends twins after school one day a week for 45 minutes. She pays me. She asked me if I could do two days - we tried it and it was too much so I said I couldn't do it any more.

Guess what - she was TOTALLY FINE becuase she's actually a friend and knew I was doing a flipping massive favour. The twins still come once as week and all is well. She has found other care for the other day.

Oh, and I offered to have the girls in the first place, she didn't ask. They get on very well with all three of my children and are beautifully behaved.

That's how the real world does it.

I work as well, and fork out significant amounts of money for holiday childcare. We suck it up becuase that's what children cost.

zad716 · 20/09/2016 07:20

*But your excuse about the car is rubbish even the smallest cars would fit an adult and 4 kids unless it's a two seater "

Not true. There are many cars (even some quite large ones) that could not take 4 kids because they only have two seat/seats belts in the rear or do not have the room to have 3 car seats in the rear. Unless of course you are suggesting carrying them unrestrained and/or without car seats

But it is a rubbish excuse as its solvable.

Original poster
egginthebun · 20/09/2016 07:21

My car only has 4 seat belts, so it wasn't really a rubbish excuse, it was one of many genuine reasons! It was the first thing that popped into my head when she asked though!

OP posts:
IamWendy · 20/09/2016 07:37

Well, you can't possibly do it now.... You'd have to admit it to us and face a thorough dressing down for being weak!!!!
The wicked part of me thinks you should tell her you have shin splints or some injury and can't walk to see what solution she comes up with!

Original poster
egginthebun · 20/09/2016 07:40

Haha I wouldn't dare back track now! I'm not doing it!

OP posts:
AmeliaJack · 20/09/2016 07:57

umizoomi if the OP has something like a Mini then she would only be able to take 3 children.

Ilovewillow · 20/09/2016 08:08

No YANBU - she is being really off to even suggest it, it's far too much to expect someone to do! At most if you are feeling generous I would offer 1 day a week or emergency contact!

Original poster
egginthebun · 20/09/2016 09:27

AmeliaJack it's a fiat 500 which is even smaller than a mini! And yes I can only carry 3 passengers, so that really was a genuine reason! Even if I had a big seven seater I'd have still said no, its just the size of my car was the first thing to spring to mind! My time with my own DC comes first. I work weekends so week days after school is our family time!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 20/09/2016 12:51

'Haha I wouldn't dare back track now! I'm not doing it!'

Seriously, I really hope it was a no-brainer for you. Her kid is nasty to your son. Who would even consider subjecting their child to someone like this in their own home? Much less take on a 3-year-old?

She falls out with you and it's no loss at all.

Aeroflotgirl · 20/09/2016 13:01

Oh gosh yes it is a tiny car, mabey two at the back realistically. The front this woman has is even bigger than Buckingham Palace, or even the Whitehouse. What a bloody cheek, and to get annoyed at you. Thank god if she's not talking to you, one less thing to think about. I bet she wasen't going to pay you either!

Starlight234 · 20/09/2016 13:15

I am a CM ..I am paid to look after my DS best mate...I am also good friends with mum but she pays if it is work related.

I have a rule I am happy to help as a favour however if it is regular they have to pay.

PumpkinPie9 · 20/09/2016 17:31

I am always happy to help people in an emergency or do childcare swaps/lift swaps but i do not do regular childcare free or paid and have said no to two people recently. It's enough hassle sorting my own kids out without having responsibility for other kids handed over.

PumpkinPie9 · 20/09/2016 17:33

And i probably annoyed both people i said no to. I care not

PumpkinPie9 · 20/09/2016 17:34

I will make an exception for grandchildren though in the future if i am able to.

Katherine2626 · 20/09/2016 17:38

Another one with a sense of entitlement! Why is she going for a job that will mean she cannot look after her own young children? It's only worth it if it is a fantastic, well paid job, and if that's the case - she can afford the after school child care. It is her problem, and doesn't need to become yours. Having someone else's children every day will alter your home dynamics enormously.

Soozikinzi · 20/09/2016 17:52

YANBU that is a ridiculous request end of.

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