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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to looking after friends kids

195 replies

egginthebun · 19/09/2016 14:57

A friend has an interview, now if she gets the job she'll need someone to pick her two kids up from school and keep them till she's finished work. She's asked me to do it. I've had to say no and she isn't too happy! I have two of my own, one 13 and one 7. My 13 yr old walks home from school, I pick my 7 year old up. Her kids are 3 and 7. I really don't want to be burdened with someone else's kids every day after school. I use my very small car to pick youngest up and would need another two car seats which wouldn't fit in my car for a start. We sometimes go out after school and I wouldn't have room for 4 kids in car. Her 7 yr old is a spoilt brat and is really mean to my 7 yr old so that's another reason I don't want to do it! I explained the situation to my friend about having no room in car but she said we could just walk then it would be no problem! I don't want to walk! AIBU to say no? I'm starting to feel like the worse friend ever!

OP posts:
TrulyFubar · 20/09/2016 17:58

I once had a 'friend' who wanted me to care for her infant son from 7am - 6pm 5 days a week FOR FREE on top of my own 3 DC. We'd just got our youngest at school full time so I costed my services (£1 p/h) and asked for a fold-up buggy so I could use the bus with her baby. She hasn't spoken to me since! I took that as a) a no and b) evidence of how little she valued me and my health (I'd had a Pulmonary Embolism which I hadn't recovered from completely at the time). Her husband passed away more recently & I attended the funeral and sent her a condolence card with a long, personal message & my contact details. Heard nothing. Oh well.

Jessikita · 20/09/2016 18:02

Why can't she just use a childminder. As a one off favour that would be fine but to commit to look after 2 kids every night after school no way! The only way I'd do it is if the childminder was ill.

Jojofjo44 · 20/09/2016 18:04

How long have you been friends for? And how did you meet? Do you suspect that she is only friends with you because you have a car and able/willing to make life easier for her by shipping her about? She sounds like she wouldn't be seen for dust if you had nothing to offer her.

Isitjustmeorisiteveryoneelse · 20/09/2016 18:08

Cheeky mare! 'You can just walk' can you?! And she can jog on. No, YANBU. Alternatively, you could say that you've been thinking of setting up an After School childminding business and she can be your first paying client.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 20/09/2016 18:12

My friend picks up my DD once a week from school and has for about 90mins and I pay her petrol money for doing it. I havent got any other childcare available and i'd have had a huge sanction from the JC if I turned the job down. Not ideal but luckily its only one day a week.

Mmest75 · 20/09/2016 18:12

She's kidding?!
She has to pay like everyone else. Of course as a one off or to help out when she needs a favour ...!
YANBU

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 20/09/2016 18:14

Oh and YANBU. Every day is too much and you havent the room.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 20/09/2016 18:19

Im in exactly the same sitiation like your friend and wouldnt dream of asking my friends! We used after school club and then a sitter from 6pm (not every day). If it's a weekend it's a sitter too although a of friends offered to have ny DC for a few hours. I still use the sitter not to bundle them for a whole day .

Janey50 · 20/09/2016 18:22

Another example of entitled behaviour.

Janey50 · 20/09/2016 18:24

egginthebun - sorry,should have clarified,entitled behaviour from your 'friend',not you!

Hippee · 20/09/2016 18:38

Just looked it up and apparently "Family members (i.e. grandparents, aunts, sisters, half-brothers etc) do not have to be registered. Any non-blood friends who look after your children must be registered if they look after your child for longer than two hours a day, at any time up until 6pm." So if it's over 2 hours a day it isn't legal anyway.

MrsKoala · 20/09/2016 18:39

Are you friends on fb? If so wait for the passive aggressive meme about women supporting each other or some other such bullshit.

My sister had this. She worked nights so she could be home in the day for her dc, they are 11 so during the hols pretty self sufficient while she snoozes. One of her friends decided to stop doing nights and got a better paid day job. But expected my sister to look after her much younger dc for free in the holidays. She didn't even ask, just texted 'I shall be dropping x round at 8am tomo for the holidays'.

My sister could earn more doing day times, but has made this sacrifice for a reason. This woman seems to want the perks of a day time better paying job but none of the draw backs.

Sparklyglitter · 20/09/2016 18:43

No Way! Don't feel bad, there's no way I would ask anyone to do that or expect to be asked! I would absolutely help out on the odd occasion I've even had my friend's child for two weeks as a stop gap...But WTF! NO!

expatinscotland · 20/09/2016 18:47

Please tell me your sister told her NO, MrsK. 'I shall be dropping . . . ' 'No, you will not. I'm not available for childcare. You need to make other arrangements.'

grendel · 20/09/2016 18:47

Actually Hippee there is a specific exemption from Ofsted registration for looking after the children of friends. You can look after them for as long as you like if no payment of any kind takes place; and for up to THREE hours per day if some payment is made. 'Some payment' means a contribution towards expenses, but payment for your actual services as a childminder is not allowed unless you are a properly registered childminder.

rollonthesummer · 20/09/2016 18:53

I hope your sister said no!

LowMaintenance101 · 20/09/2016 19:16

Jinxxx - 😂😂😂😂 I love that.

tofutti · 20/09/2016 19:20

TrulyFubar

I costed my services (£1 p/h)

That's so cheap! You're a better person than me, I would have wanted the going rate. Can't believe she didn't even want to pay that. Says it all really, about her.

Munchingmummy · 20/09/2016 19:36

mrs k - I'm genuinely intrigued as to what happened with your sister. Please share!!

You can't tell us half a story like that and leave us hanging...

MrsKoala · 20/09/2016 19:48

She eventually did say no and they fell out. But it took a while. There were a few others on tea nightshirt that she did it to as well. So would text them all saying 'school hols, which 2 days/week do you want dc' and expect them to rota it between them.

What really got sis was their dc were at different schools so had slightly different hols and inset days. One of those days my sis had the dc while hers were at school, it then emerged that the woman's dh was off work too but wanted to go fishing. They expected my sister, who had been up all night doing a nightshift, to look after the dc rather than their own father because 'it was his day off and he wanted to unwind'. They didn't even try to hide it, just said it as tho that was completely understandable. It boggles my mind.

Munchingmummy · 20/09/2016 19:51

Omg!! That's awful. I have worked night shifts myself and I just don't know how anyone can think that ok?

StealthPolarBear · 20/09/2016 19:52

Ah but he's a man you see. He'll have had a stressful job.

expatinscotland · 20/09/2016 20:10

'They expected my sister, who had been up all night doing a nightshift, to look after the dc rather than their own father because 'it was his day off and he wanted to unwind'. They didn't even try to hide it, just said it as tho that was completely understandable. It boggles my mind.'

REALLY hope everyone told her NO.

Jojofjo44 · 20/09/2016 20:16

Mrs k omg! Thats unbelievable, some people have no shame! If she hadn't listened I would have made sure all the doors and windows were locked and ignored the door! The cheek!

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 20/09/2016 20:17

'They expected my sister, who had been up all night doing a nightshift, to look after the dc rather than their own father because 'it was his day off and he wanted to unwind'. They didn't even try to hide it, just said it as tho that was completely understandable. It boggles my mind.'

Fuck me! I have seen some cheekyfuckery before put that wins "Entitled fuckwit of the century"