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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be really upset by this comment from one of DH's friends over lunch?

109 replies

39up · 18/09/2016 18:24

"When I first met you I wondered what [my DH] was thinking. But look at you now? Looks like he's got the last laugh"

I was a size 20 when DH and I got together. I'm now a size 12. But I'm still the same person. I didn't think I looked that awful when I was bigger - I just lost weight for health reasons. I am really upset at the thought that people I liked were judging me that way.

And now I'm pregnant.

Will they start thinking DH has lost his mind again?

DH thinks it was a very clumsy compliment but I feel horrible.

OP posts:
ImissGrannyW · 18/09/2016 18:28

eurrrgh! What a vile thing to think, let alone say. Absolutely disgusting, and none of his business.

Congrats on your pregnancy Flowers

MelanieCheeks · 18/09/2016 18:29

I think it was a clumsy compliment. What else could it be?

ImYourMama · 18/09/2016 18:29

DH's 'friend' is an insecure wanker. Congratulations on your pregnancy

MrsSpenserGregson · 18/09/2016 18:30

Urgh what a twat

(the friend, not you OP!)

StarlingMurmuration · 18/09/2016 18:30

It was a clumsy compliment. By an insensitive dickhead.

DoveBlue · 18/09/2016 18:31

YANBU that was nasty and unnecessary comment.

  1. No one asked his opinion
  2. Your DH loves you for you not what size you are
  3. You were beautiful at size 20 and beautiful at size 12. He's still a jerk no matter what he does

Congrats on the pregnancy and please rock your bump! Bumps are beautiful

Nishky · 18/09/2016 18:33

Clumsy compliment? On what planet is that a compliment.

I have gone from a 20 to a 12 and that would really hurt me.

Chinks123 · 18/09/2016 18:33

It was a backhanded compliment. Saying you look good now but not then basically. He sounds very insecure and shallow.

Nishky · 18/09/2016 18:33

Oh yes. Congratulations on the pregnancy.

ChatterNatterer · 18/09/2016 18:34

Should have replied 'the first time I met you I wondered what DH was thinking - x years later I'm still not sure' all with a huge smile!

MothersGrim · 18/09/2016 18:35

I love it when people let slip nasty clumsy comments like that. I think it's a nice way of clearing out some mental baggage so I can put more emotional effort into people who are nice.

ClopySow · 18/09/2016 18:35

Fucking arsehole.

A few guys who had basically ignored me growing up tried it on with me when i lost weight in my twenties. I didn't find it flattering, i just thought they were shallow.

Original poster
39up · 18/09/2016 18:36

I just didn't feel complimented. I honestly wanted to burst into tears on the spot. I feel awful about seeing him again now. I probably will, but I am not happy.

He is pretty looks obsessed - spends hours at the gym, always posting his latest weight lifting stats or whatever on FB.

OP posts:
LoveYouSweetheart · 18/09/2016 18:36

I think that comment was very rude, don't worry about anyone else.

Congratulations on your pregnancy Flowers

Onenerfwarfrombreakdown · 18/09/2016 18:37

Rude, superficial tosspot. Ignore.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

fastdaytears · 18/09/2016 18:39

Ugh. I never understand how people think this is ok. They'll say "you used to be blah blah but now you're loads less blah blah". I'M THE SAME PERSON! I find comments about my old self just as hurtful!

jellycat1 · 18/09/2016 18:41

He sounds thick as two short planks. As I'm sure would any woman he dated be. Many congrats on your pregnancy. You're about to have an amazing new chapter in life. Put him straight out of your mind and avoid seeing him where possible on the basis that life's way to short to hang around with vacuous knobs like that

squoosh · 18/09/2016 18:41

Doesn't sound like a clumsy compliment to me.

Sounds deliberately hurtful. 'Ok so she looks good now but let's bring her back down to earth by reminding her how big she used to be'.

LaContessaDiPlump · 18/09/2016 18:41

What a rude thing to say! The awful thing is that he probably assumes you must revile overweight people now just as much as he does, despite having once been one of them. I went from size 18 to 12 myself and would be emphatically unimpressed by such a remark.

"You look great!" is a compliment. "Wow, I used to think you looked shit but now you look great!" is not.

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 18/09/2016 18:44

I love it when people let slip nasty clumsy comments like that. I think it's a nice way of clearing out some mental baggage so I can put more emotional effort into people who are nice.

^^ This.

Times a million.

Sadly we rarely have a witty retort on the tongue when these side swiping comments happen.

Congrats on your pregnancy!

mumofthemonsters808 · 18/09/2016 18:44

Awful, I wish people would think before they opened their mouth, I don't know why people do this, it's nothing whatsoever to do with him what size you are.But for your own sanity let it go, he's a dickhead and always will be, no matter how hard he try's to pump his chest, probably better pumping his brain.

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 18/09/2016 18:45

(But next time he calls shout to your husband "love it's your friend whatshisname who hated me, but now likes me because I'm thin" before you pass over the phone)

Squeegle · 18/09/2016 18:47

He sounds like a dipstick to me. But I don't think he meant it to be harmful. He's obviously obsessed with the body beautiful to a crazy degree.

TaterTots · 18/09/2016 18:48

If he's one of these gym obsessives then looks are probably all that matters to him. Maybe in a twisted way he thought he was complimenting you - the reality is very different. I think I'd have wanted to punch him once I got over the shock!

Rachel0Greep · 18/09/2016 18:48

Sh1t thing to say. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Congrats on your pregnancy. Flowers

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