...to be really upset by this comment from one of DH's friends over lunch?

[39up]

"When I first met you I wondered what [my DH] was thinking. But look at you now? Looks like he's got the last laugh"

I was a size 20 when DH and I got together. I'm now a size 12. But I'm still the same person. I didn't think I looked that awful when I was bigger - I just lost weight for health reasons. I am really upset at the thought that people I liked were judging me that way.

And now I'm pregnant.

Will they start thinking DH has lost his mind again?

DH thinks it was a very clumsy compliment but I feel horrible.

[Mycraneisfixed]

It was a very clumsy compliment. I'm a size 20 and dream of the days many years ago when I was a size 12. So good for you on managing to lose the weight and having a husband who loves you for yourself. And congratulations on the pregnancy

[StillSmallVoice]

Ignore the stupid comment. You have a lovely bloke who loves you for you and who you are and I hope you can be joyful in that knowledge. (Mind you - big applause if you were trying to lose the weight)

[CousinCharlotte]

What a rude knobhead.

[HelenaDove]

What a shallow twunt.


Ive had this too from a couple of blokes. Ive gone from a size 28 to a 14. Ive had a bloke who used to shout insults in the street ask me out.

Another one said "i remember when you were HUUUUGE and you were always walking along the street stuffing your face with chocolate. You look great. Much better than you did"

And i have had a WOMAN poke my belly and say "I cant believe the NHS wont help you with this bit of loose skin."

I havent even bloody asked them to and its only a slight belly overhang.

Shallow blokes like these are tossers.

[TheLastHeatwave]

Losing weight does often show the shallow toss pots up.

I'd be way more fucked off with your DH for trying to insist that it was a compliment.

I'm not prescribing this course of action, but my cousin's husband recently decked a (now ex) mate of his for saying pretty much the same thing...whilst the guy was sitting on the floor rubbing his sore chin, my cousin's husband said something like 'My wife is beautiful inside & out. I don't give a fuck what the scales say - why would I? Yes I'm lucky, because she's fantastic, unlike you, you utter cunt. Don't bother getting in touch'

My cousin lost the weight on lighter life, she took it too far and now looks extremely gaunt, worryingly thin. She's pregnant & already talking about getting back on LL as soon after the birth as possible. We are ALL worried about her, the mate knew this too. Bastard.

[Johno85]

I think you sound amazing and should be really bloody proud of losing so much weight. Insecure people say insecure things. Congrats on your pregnancy and don't let a shallow person's opinion change that self-love that you have x

[HelenaDove]

LastHeatwave it sounds like that comment is what was known as the "trigger"

I wish your cousin the very best and hope she will be ok



What an utter cunt that bloke was

[LellyMcKelly]

He is a rude, ignorant, self obsessed, asshat with the social skills of an armpit. His comment tells you everything you need to know about him, and says nothing bad about you. It's not worth worrying for a single second what that lump of insecure Limburger thinks about you. It's more important what you think about yourself.

[Cherryskypie]

When you lose a lot of weight it is really depressing because you realise loads of people were judging you every time you walked out of your front door. So many people suddenly want to chat who used to blank you. It also highlights the very, very few people who treat you exactly the same way they always did. I didn't realise how nice they were.

[GDarling]

Take it as a big compliment, not everyone is eloquent with words, I guess he is just saying that you look great now and he didn't think so before, after all, many women let themselves go after a few years of marriage and babies, you're obviously looking better than he remembers, people judge... too small, too big, too noisy, too quiet, etc etc, it's obviously a nice surprise to him, you're probably a very heathy, good looking pregnant mum to be... And he is jealous that he hasn't got a gorgeous woman on his arm...Enjoy

[Seeyouontheotherside]

I agree with guarding, it's normally the other way around, men marry attractive women who become less attractive over time because they let themselves go so his point was that your husband was lucky because you became more attractive.

And we all judge on looks. Appearance tells the world whether you are sick/healthy/active/inactive/eat too much/too little/moderately/eat crap/healthy.....and a healthy weight does make you more attractive. I really don't understand why people get so offended by that obvious fact.

[WanderingTrolley1]

He sounds like a prize knobhead. Pity him.

[TheLastHeatwave]

Helena. Thank you 💐 We are so very worried about her. Our hope is that being a Mum, against some medical odds, will be her focus for a while and that she will gradually accept being a healthy weight & eating with her baby/child & not going back to LL.

[HelenaDove]

Gdarling. Seeyou. Its quite obvious you both think the same way as the man mentioned in the OP.

The mother of an ex colleugue of mine is very overweight due to a thyroid problem and a condition with a complicated name . Her husband is madly in love with her and worships the ground she walks on.

She loved the dress in Frozen so he went and got one specially made for her as a surprise. Hes 16 years younger than her.

No doubt if you saw her in the street though you would think she had "let herself go"

[MrJones1977]

I'd be pissed off by a comment like that, maybe your DH's friend is socially inept. If there is ever a next time then I recommend fighting fire with fire. Obviously don't be catty/bitchy but make a seemingly 'innocent' comment to make him a butt of the joke

[RunningLulu]

My mil used to say similar things about me. I used to ignore her but then flipped and unashamedly listed all of my positives in the rudest way possible. She now knows not to make any comments about me.

[mammamic]

What HelenaDove said

I've had this both ways and I usually just let it go. I also used to get the wide eyed amazement when people met my boyfriends/husband as they were visibly shocked that such a 'non perfect' female could manage to get such an amazing boyfriend/husband.

Sometimes it amused me, other times it upset me. Older and wiser, I realise that it make f@ck all difference to my life. I do file it though - and if I'm in the mood and the opportunity is there, I get my reply (of sorts) in, years later sometimes.

I would have been upset though that my DH didn't say anything - though mine wouldn't have either...

[SooBee61]

One of those little boys who like to put women down. There's millions of 'em! Don't let the AH bother you.

[NewPotatoes]

Take it as a big compliment, not everyone is eloquent with words

Seriously gdarling? You think it's the lack of eloquence the OP isn't thrilled with, rather than the fact that the 'friend' thinks it's OK to express his bafflement as to how his friend started going out with - horror of horrors! a fat woman?

[Mrskeats]

He clearly has no class and I don't buy the backhanded compliment for 2 seconds either.
The implication that people's weight somehow determines their worth would make me furious and he would have had a sharp answer from me along the lines of 'I could lose weight but apparently you will always be rude'
If he was your guest I give up. Why do people have no manners these days'
Congratulations on your pregnancy too

[Gramgram]

Just thank your lucky stars that your DH isn't like him. Pity any woman who gets with him. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

[Member251061]

That's awful! Rude, nasty little man. Don't worry - at least your husband isn't as stupid or shallow as his friend.

[Mamafaery]

He might have thought he was complimenting you, but you're quite right to feel insulted. I'm a size 18 and have been a 24. I started losing weight for health reasons (mostly I get too sweaty and my knees hurt). I was just as beautiful at a size 24 as I am at an 18 and will be as I get smaller.

What a shallow disgusting prick.

[NothingIsOK]

I'm sad about how many posters would excuse that as a clumsy compliment. All that does is make it hard for people in the receiving end to say that it made them feel awful. Like when things are passed of as just joking.

I've had similar, although not so brutal. People saying gosh you've lost loads of weight and look fabulous. A couple of times I've challenged it, because what it means is really, gosh, didn't you look shit when you were heavier.

[SkyLucy]

Ah OP, he's a twat, and I'm sure your DH would agree! I lost weight last year and am very sensitive about the fact that I was bigger before - I would be heartbroken if someone mentioned it in that way!

I'm pg too and very conscious that I'm getting 'big' again. Remember though, it's supposed to happen! Embrace it, confident in the knowledge your body is truly amazing, and if/when you want to, you can lose weight again after the pregnancy, because you've done it before.

Take care, and write off that 'friend' as shallow and stupid.