...to be really upset by this comment from one of DH's friends over lunch?

[39up]

"When I first met you I wondered what [my DH] was thinking. But look at you now? Looks like he's got the last laugh"

I was a size 20 when DH and I got together. I'm now a size 12. But I'm still the same person. I didn't think I looked that awful when I was bigger - I just lost weight for health reasons. I am really upset at the thought that people I liked were judging me that way.

And now I'm pregnant.

Will they start thinking DH has lost his mind again?

DH thinks it was a very clumsy compliment but I feel horrible.

[Stormtreader]

Sounds like he meant "I am a very shallow person. When you were larger you were not acceptable for me to be seen with, but you have now slimmed down to a weight acceptable to me. You may now bask in the light of my acceptance!"

He'd probably be astonished to find out that even with all his gym-going, you are utterly indifferent to his opinion of you. Actually, he'd probably be baffled to find out that he is not your secret crush.

[happybee1]

Sounds like an idiot. Years ago, one of my friends used to get people saying to her you'd be really pretty if you were slimmer!
I went out with somebody in my late twenties who used to say to people about me, she was really attractive when she was younger!! Insecure idiots the lot of them making themselves feel better by making other people feel bad. Congrats and enjoy your pregnancy, try and forget about his comment x

[scampimom]

I remember bumping into a former colleague a few years back, and the first thing she said to me was "Ooh in't you got fat!"

Much younger then so all I could muster was a stammering, "oh well yes, I suppose so". Nowadays I'd have informed her that it was because every time I'd shagged her husband, he gave me a biscuit.

Ah, l'esprit d'escalier.

[Kitten3]

He's a dick. End of story.

Don't you mind what he said in the least- upsetting yourself over the small mindedness of others is a waste of time and energy.
Glory in your pregnancy and weight gain/loss and delete his comments from your memory.

[goose1964]

I agree that he's as deep as a puddle, but given you're pregnant (congratulations) you may be a bit more sensitive than usual, which he should know if he was a decent human being.

[TheNewWife]

Congrats on your pregnancy!
My DH also has a dickhead friend, I do my utmost to ignore his snide remarks about me being 19 years younger than my DH.
Unfortunately, we can hear a hundred compliments but one put down sticks with us far more.
The guy sounds very vain and shallow, try not to take it to heart ((hugs))

[ManaFleet]

The idea that you are attractive or not depending on shape is barmy. You are you whatever wrapping you come in. Sounds like he's obsessed with his own body image and thinks everyone is the same. It irritates the hell out of me when people talk about my weight as though it's open for public discussion.

Either that or he's 'negging' by giving you what looks like a compliment but is actually an insult - a way of undermining your confidence apparently.

Either way, I'd tell him to fuck off. A lighthearted comment ("Was that supposed to be a compliment? You're not good at talking to people are you?") should give him something to think about. On the offchance that he was being genuine, it might give him pause.

Congratulations! Love your bump, it's absolutely glorious and to be celebrated.

[KoalaDownUnder]

Cannot believe that anyone is so astonishingly rude. What a horrible person he is!

Reminds me of one of my friend's husband's mates. On finding out that they were dating, he said 'What do you call that? A sympathy fuck??'

Hope he felt suitably mortified when they ended up getting married!

[AGenie]

Is there any possibility that he is now totally kicking himself for having blurted out something stupid? Maybe he has crappy social skills.

[Raasay]

I lost a considerably amount of weight. It was amazing how many people revealed themselves to be as shallow as a bird bath.

Add him to your "not worth my time" list. I wouldn't be rushing to invite him back...

[Beeziekn33ze]

Sorry people get these remarks, they reveal a lot about the twunts who make them!
OP Sure you're lovely whatever the number in the back of your clothes! That goes for all of us, even me (I hope!). Ignore their appearance-obsessed ignorance. Enjoy your pregnancy 💐

[Janey50]

How bloody rude.

[SpookyPotato]

Knackerednursey I can't believe she showed you her surprised reaction What a cow.

[Cherrysoup]

My bil did this when he hadn't seen me for a while, up and down look and an amazed comment about how good I looked. Depressing, but people do judge on appearances, it's human nature.

[Knackerednursey]

Husband of a 'friend' of mine apparently told her that I 'used to be really good looking'. She seemed genuinely amazed Probably true before I aged and put on 3 stone...it's not something you say to people is it?

[Daydream007]

A very clumsy compliment from someone with no tact. An insultiment! She sounds very superficial!

[SpookyPotato]

cherry Absolutely, sometimes you don't realise how much people judge and behave differently around fat people until you've lost the weight.
ladyrattles Yes.. I put the weight back on and felt far worse than when I was previously fat, as I know knew what people were thinking.

[SpookyPotato]

I think he meant it as a compliment but it doesn't feel like one, it's really insulting. As if your husband should have not been interested in you. He sounds like he bases everything on looks.
I remember when I was a student, my friends mates came round for some drinks. I hadn't seen them since I was size 18 and I was now a size 10. I noticed they were more chatty with me and were inviting me on their night out. I said no I'm tired and went upstairs.. Then heard them talking to each other saying "Wow she looked like nothing before, barely registered her existence and look at her now... before I would've needed 10 pints at least but I'd go in sober now!"
They called up to me after asking again if I wanted to go out, I enjoyed saying no
It didn't feel like a compliment..

[HelenaDove]

"Men are very visual people"


There seems to be a lot more excuses for mens behaviour trotted out on MN now than there was when i joined 5 years ago.

[ALOndon]

Sounds like a dick obsessed with image. Clumsy attempt at compliment. Ignore. He clearly has no clue about women.....congrats on baby !!! X

[frozenfairy123]

As hard as it sounds try not ignore the negative and take the positive- as in he thinks u look fab now! Men are very visual people. Ok he is a dick and should have thought about how hurtful his comment was.

Enjoy your pregnancy! Xxx

[foursillybeans]

That's a horrible thing to say and he sounds like a pratt. I would also say you might be feeling more sensitive to comments due to hormones. That doesn't make it a nice thing to say though. Ignore, move on and enjoy your lovely little baby growing inside of you.

[MistressPage]

Unfortunately losing a lot of weight means people sort of think it's ok to make really personal comments. I lost 9 stone and while I got lots of support and encouragement, At work in particular I also got lots of personal enquiries from people I didn't feel knew me well enough, and lots of uninvited and really quite rude remarks (albeit unintentionally) about the before me. My sister was the only one who nailed it and said "I get really cross when people say rude things about how you were, because you're still the same person and people forget that"

[SlimCheesy2]

And congrats on your pregnancy.

[SlimCheesy2]

I hate that phrase 'women let themselves go'.

That's all.