...to be really upset by this comment from one of DH's friends over lunch?

[39up]

"When I first met you I wondered what [my DH] was thinking. But look at you now? Looks like he's got the last laugh"

I was a size 20 when DH and I got together. I'm now a size 12. But I'm still the same person. I didn't think I looked that awful when I was bigger - I just lost weight for health reasons. I am really upset at the thought that people I liked were judging me that way.

And now I'm pregnant.

Will they start thinking DH has lost his mind again?

DH thinks it was a very clumsy compliment but I feel horrible.

[Howlongtillbedtime]

I would be upset about what he said but I would also be a bit sad that my dh didn't say something to him and tried to make excuses for him .

I am not saying he should have had a huge row or anything but he should have said something .

[Lovemylittlebear]

What a bell end - take no notice - as long as you are happy in yourself and so is your DH superficial people can NOB OFF x

[ALaughAMinute]

He meant it as a complement albeit rather clumsy. I can understand why you feel hurt but think you should try and forgive him and let it go.

[Fadingmemory]

Clumsy doesn't begin to describe the remark that was made to you. Forget him/her as a tactless, unintelligent, insensitive creature. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

[Memoires]

He's a shallow twat. You don't need to consider him at all as a worthwhile judge of anything, so though it was hurtful, he is so pointless you can dismiss what he said.

What matters is that your dh loved you then and loves you now, and you love him. I bet there are a lot of people around you who are far more worth than this idiot.

[Floggingmolly]

I'd be more upset at my DH minimising it as a "clumsy compliment", than the fact that the ignorant arsehole actually said it.
What if you find it hard to shift the baby weight? I did, all three times
How will his comment look then? Will he commiserate with your DH for being "unlucky" again?

[powershowerforanhour]

If I was feeling particularly militant that day I'd be deliberately obtuse, pretend not to get it and force them to explain.
"You wondered what DH was thinking? Sorry I don't understand"
"I just didn't...never mind"
"No, tell me...why did you wonder that?"
"You used to be...different"
"Different how? I don't think I've really changed....OH! YOU MEAN FAT. I USED TO BE FAT. Is that right? You wondered what DH could have been thinking, going out with somebody FAT?"
Use the F word as much as possible and if you can't help crying, so much the better.
And if he tries to smooth things over by telling you not to worry, in his manly opinion you are now acceptably slim and therefore fuckable then he can fuck off.
TBH in reality I'd probably just have been dumbstruck (in a WTF...did he...yes he did! way) and the conversation would have moved on.

[outcrops]

I went from 18 to 12 and had from one of DH's friends "careful, DH will go off you as he clearly likes them fat".

[Catsick36]

Yanbu, a very barbed comment. There is nothing about that meant to make you feel good. All they had to say was you look great. I've gone from a 22 to a 12. Move on from that prick.

You look great, congratulations on the baby.

[TheCatsBiscuits]

This is one of those rare situations where 'did you mean to be so rude?' actually applies perfectly, since it's calling out a covert piece of breathtaking fuckwittery which the fuckwit is trying to disguise as a 'compliment'.

The tool.

[TheCatsBiscuits]

Also, bear in mind you had the option of losing weight if you wanted to. He, sadly, cannot go to FuckWitWatchers to lose his total fuckwittery, safely and as a complete lifestyle change.

[RachelRagged]

The emphasis on women's weight is vile .
Ignore the twat OP , its his problem not yours . Congratulations on your pregnancy too

[annandale]

I had one of these. Mother of a friend, at the friend's wedding. 'Annandale, you look wonderful! I'm so glad because [friend] said you'd really BALLOONED a couple of years ago'. Left me gasping. Incredible that people think it's ok to say this sort of thing. Wish I'd said 'Oh yes, you're both obsessed with weight aren't you? I remember [friend] coming to university, she looked terribly scrawny, we were so worried about her. Of course she looks fabulous now she lives away from him and has put on a couple of stone.' But I didn't because I have actual manners.

He's a tosser.

[PenelopeChipShop]

Urgh!! I can definitely see why you're upset by his insensitive comment but it honestly says more about him than about you.

Fortunately your DH loves you either way. And congratulations on your pregnancy! Please don't give him too much head space X

[FoxesSitOnBoxes]

What an absolute dick. I am sure he has no idea that what he said was rude even.
A friend of a friend tells me how great I look whenever I see her but always follows it with "remember when you used to be fat!?" She is an absolute twat and the most rediculous thing is that I'm the same size now as I always have been... actually I've put on weight since having kids.
Awful people

[imother]

Yes, it's very much telling you something about him he's a dickhead

You really don't need to take it on in way as related to you. So don't. Just something stupid said by someone stupid. And we all say stupid things at times, particularly in social situations where you might just be blurting out the first thing in your head with out thinking, to fill an awkward silence.

[BrightOranges]

You should have said:
And do you know what would be even better? If you were able to change your pathetic narrow mind as much as I've lost weight.

[lazyarse123]

TheCatsBiscuits I love that fuckwitwatchers, I can use that on a few folk I know. op congrats on your pregnancy, please forget what he said your husband loves you although his choice in mates is a bit suspect.

[LyndaNotLinda]

What a complete piece of shit.

A lot of men (as you've found out) assess women on their fuckability. That's what they use to determine whether your partner is 'lucky' or not - how much they themselves want to fuck you.

I really would not want this man in your life anymore. In my experience, men like that think women are one dimensional objects, rather than human beings with personalities and opinions. And you really don't want a man like that around your children.

Congratulations on your pregnancy - I hope it goes really smoothly.

[AbyssinianBanana]

How did your DH respond?

Because I'm trying to picture this and it would play like this...

Me: fork left hanging midway as I stared blankly at him, disbelieving what he just said. I'd look over at my DH with a "did you just hear that?"

Then, sorry what did you say?!

By this time, there would be a tense oh-fuck silence on the table as the wanker was made to repeat the comment. To a bunch of stony faces.

And then there'd just be the quiet "that's not on mate" from DH and a mumbled apology from the friend.

So I am trying to imagine how your DH reacted to his friend insulting his wife in front of him.

Next time you see him, he may make a comment about weight gain, so I'd practice a few lines to wipe the smug grin off his face. And have your DH deliver them. Like patting his belly or pinching his fat and saying she's pregnant but what's your excuse, tubby?

[kateandme]

asswhole.them not you.
please don't let this thought linger when/if you ever/because of pregnancy gain weight.people like this done matter.you do the soon to be mum matters.your heart.prtoect it from throwaway comments and brush it away.in a few weeks time this comment will be lost unless you hold onto it.you are you.for all the reasons apart from weight.
take care.

[justilou]

20 points for sensitivity!!! What an arsehole!!! (You probably should have told him that you have double-jointed hips, can crack walnuts with your vajayjay and can hold your breath for hours...)

[notagiraffe]

'And when I first met you, I wondered why someone as lovely as DH was mates with a shallow tosser.' No second sentence.

[CoolCarrie]

He sounds like a total tit! Don't bother wasting your time or energy on him. Treat him with the contempt he deserves, Raise above it, like seagulls do and shit on him! Congratulations on your pregnancy.

[Pikawhoo]

Yes, this is awful because it implies that your value is in how you look rather than how you are as a human being.

But that says so much more about him than it does about you.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!