...to be really upset by this comment from one of DH's friends over lunch?

[39up]

"When I first met you I wondered what [my DH] was thinking. But look at you now? Looks like he's got the last laugh"

I was a size 20 when DH and I got together. I'm now a size 12. But I'm still the same person. I didn't think I looked that awful when I was bigger - I just lost weight for health reasons. I am really upset at the thought that people I liked were judging me that way.

And now I'm pregnant.

Will they start thinking DH has lost his mind again?

DH thinks it was a very clumsy compliment but I feel horrible.

[oldlaundbooth]

'When you lose a lot of weight it is really depressing because you realise loads of people were judging you every time you walked out of your front door. So many people suddenly want to chat who used to blank you. It also highlights the very, very few people who treat you exactly the same way they always did. I didn't realise how nice they were'

YY Cherry.

Most people's attitudes towards you change greatly depending on your size. It's pathetic.

I feel like shouting 'So NOW you want to talk to me? Be my friend? Give me your seat on the train? You want me to give you fashion and skincare advice? What's changed? Oh, yes, the number in my clothes, that's what''

[Ladyrattlesuk]

When I went from a size 20 to a size 10 I used to hate people saying "I bet you feel better for it" or "you were so big before, well done". It is so rude. Why can't people just say you are looking fabulous. Now I've gone back up to an 18 due to ill health. Luckily I've only had one negative comment of "I can believe you put all that weight back on" from another parent.

[Chickoletta]

I once bumped into an acquaintance of my mum's (definitely not a friend, she can't stand her) who said, 'I hardly recognised you - you used to be so fat. Glad you've sorted yourself out a bit' and walked off. This was in Church. I've never been bigger than a size 16. This was about 6 years ago and I've seethed about it ever since.

OP - your husband's friend is an insensitive dick and speaks only for himself. Do not assume that anyone else was thinking this. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

[LittleBeautyBelle]

Malicious comment! He knows very well how that insult would make you feel. That's the sort of manipulative back handed "compliment" meant to make you feel awful and insecure while leaving him in the clear.

Tell him off next time you see him. Let him know that it is not acceptable what he said.

[LittleBeautyBelle]

Doesn't matter what he says his "intent" was.

[LittleBeautyBelle]

He's probably jealous that you and your dh are happy and are starting a family. He wishes he could be happy and is lashing out at those who are.

[Sparklesilverglitter]

The "friend" was incredibly rude and needs to learn some bloody manners, I really don't know what is wrong with people some times

The important thing to remember that your DH choose to be with you all that time ago no matter what size you are!

Well done on your weight loss, such a huge loss and must of taken some hard work! And of course congratulations on your pregnancy

[maxandmoo]

He's a total dick head with (probably) a tiny IQ and matching tiny dick! One of those utter charmers who judges (completely) women on how she looks, and loves the thought of arm candy! Total moron who will find himself very very lonely as tge years go by. I am willing to bet that you are your husbands bestie, and I hope you have years of belly laughs and utter nonsense together! Congratulations on your bump, it really will be the best thing you have ever done xx

[SlimCheesy2]

I hate that phrase 'women let themselves go'.

That's all.

[SlimCheesy2]

And congrats on your pregnancy.

[MistressPage]

Unfortunately losing a lot of weight means people sort of think it's ok to make really personal comments. I lost 9 stone and while I got lots of support and encouragement, At work in particular I also got lots of personal enquiries from people I didn't feel knew me well enough, and lots of uninvited and really quite rude remarks (albeit unintentionally) about the before me. My sister was the only one who nailed it and said "I get really cross when people say rude things about how you were, because you're still the same person and people forget that"

[foursillybeans]

That's a horrible thing to say and he sounds like a pratt. I would also say you might be feeling more sensitive to comments due to hormones. That doesn't make it a nice thing to say though. Ignore, move on and enjoy your lovely little baby growing inside of you.

[frozenfairy123]

As hard as it sounds try not ignore the negative and take the positive- as in he thinks u look fab now! Men are very visual people. Ok he is a dick and should have thought about how hurtful his comment was.

Enjoy your pregnancy! Xxx

[ALOndon]

Sounds like a dick obsessed with image. Clumsy attempt at compliment. Ignore. He clearly has no clue about women.....congrats on baby !!! X

[HelenaDove]

"Men are very visual people"


There seems to be a lot more excuses for mens behaviour trotted out on MN now than there was when i joined 5 years ago.

[SpookyPotato]

I think he meant it as a compliment but it doesn't feel like one, it's really insulting. As if your husband should have not been interested in you. He sounds like he bases everything on looks.
I remember when I was a student, my friends mates came round for some drinks. I hadn't seen them since I was size 18 and I was now a size 10. I noticed they were more chatty with me and were inviting me on their night out. I said no I'm tired and went upstairs.. Then heard them talking to each other saying "Wow she looked like nothing before, barely registered her existence and look at her now... before I would've needed 10 pints at least but I'd go in sober now!"
They called up to me after asking again if I wanted to go out, I enjoyed saying no
It didn't feel like a compliment..

[SpookyPotato]

cherry Absolutely, sometimes you don't realise how much people judge and behave differently around fat people until you've lost the weight.
ladyrattles Yes.. I put the weight back on and felt far worse than when I was previously fat, as I know knew what people were thinking.

[Daydream007]

A very clumsy compliment from someone with no tact. An insultiment! She sounds very superficial!

[Knackerednursey]

Husband of a 'friend' of mine apparently told her that I 'used to be really good looking'. She seemed genuinely amazed Probably true before I aged and put on 3 stone...it's not something you say to people is it?

[Cherrysoup]

My bil did this when he hadn't seen me for a while, up and down look and an amazed comment about how good I looked. Depressing, but people do judge on appearances, it's human nature.

[SpookyPotato]

Knackerednursey I can't believe she showed you her surprised reaction What a cow.

[Janey50]

How bloody rude.

[Beeziekn33ze]

Sorry people get these remarks, they reveal a lot about the twunts who make them!
OP Sure you're lovely whatever the number in the back of your clothes! That goes for all of us, even me (I hope!). Ignore their appearance-obsessed ignorance. Enjoy your pregnancy 💐

[Raasay]

I lost a considerably amount of weight. It was amazing how many people revealed themselves to be as shallow as a bird bath.

Add him to your "not worth my time" list. I wouldn't be rushing to invite him back...