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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

tipping the waitress

161 replies

mummysmummy · 14/09/2016 13:17

I have a friend that I sometimes meet for coffee or lunch. she rarely tips and when she does its miserly. I feel so embarrassed about this, I make up for it by making up the tip to an acceptable amount and sometimes secretly giving all of it. AIBU to think that tipping, particularly for staff who are low paid, it a good thing to-do.
maybe i should manup about this and tell her not to be such a skinflint

OP posts:
SabineUndine · 14/09/2016 13:22

Yeah, I used to have a friend who never tipped, so I would end up tipping for both of us. Over the course of a weekend it would be £10-£15 sometimes.

I dumped the friend (not just because of this but she was a user and her attitude to tipping was symptomatic of that).

BillSykesDog · 14/09/2016 13:22

It's not compulsory in the UK in the way it is in other countries. It's a nice thing to do, but not essential.

HeyNannyNanny · 14/09/2016 13:23

Is the service good?
Tipping isn't and shouldn't be compulsory.
If you recieved excellent service then a tip is a nice gesture but it's to the discretion of the customer regardless.

nosyupnorth · 14/09/2016 13:26

tipping is a ridiculous practise that is applied deeply inconsistently across the service industry and I have little patience for it.
it's one thing to treat tips as standard in places like america where the minimum wage for tipped work is lower because tips are considered pay but in the uk tips are an optional extra - given out of generosity or as a reward for exceptional service.

you friend can tip how she likes and if you want to give extra that's your call but she shouldn't have to spend more just because that's what you would do

RandyMagnum · 14/09/2016 13:27

I don't tip, do you tip the people who serve you at McDonald's, or the checkout assistant at a supermarket? They're low paid as well, why are they not tipped the same as waiting staff at a cafe or restaurant?

Eatthecake · 14/09/2016 13:30

If you've received good service I think it's something we should all do if we can afford too.

Your friend does tip so I don't think there is anything to really call her on

HereIAm20 · 14/09/2016 13:42

I wouldn't tip for coffee but would usually 10% tip for lunch if waiter service.

Some people don't seem to nowadays or some will put a £1 coin down even if not 10%

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 14/09/2016 13:43

I rarely tip for coffee tbh, maybe if a get a little bit of change back or the service and welcome has been exceptional.

chilipepper20 · 14/09/2016 13:53

tipping is a ridiculous practise that is applied deeply inconsistently across the service industry and I have little patience for it.

indeed. it is very inconsistent and different places have very different standards. It doesn't help that when you ask people in a particular place, you get inconsistent answers.

It's also really doesn't make sense how and why you tip some people and not others. I was in a hardware store (some huge time ago) and I got some exceptional help and advice. Really very valuable. But you don't tip in that context. That person just did a good job and received their wage.

on the other end, in America you tip bartenders and non-waitstaff. This always strikes me as odd because I can't tell what the person is doing "above and beyond" what is expected of a person in that position. In that case I am literally expected to pay that persons wage. So why call it a tip?

it's a very odd custom.

Mishmashpotatoes · 14/09/2016 13:54

I only tip if I feel the person has went the extra mile or the service is exceptionally good.

Too many people in the customer service industry are sour faced. I can understand why, but I'm not the one being an arsehole so it doesn't hurt to make a bit of effort.

I worked in a bar a few years back and took the kill them with kindness approach. I got more tips than anyone else.

Babetti · 14/09/2016 14:13

The inconsistency bothers me too. I worked in a minimum wage retail job in a specialist shop during college / uni. It needed good customer service, product knowledge and I was on my feet all day stacking shelves, displays etc. I never got a tip no matter how hard I worked. I think it's a bit of an odd practice that we've gotten from the US. I'd rather people were just paid a decent wage and service was included in the cost of the meal.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 14/09/2016 14:24

It wouldn't usually occur to me to tip for coffee, FWIW (or to consider it something to 'man up' about).

I don't think it's fair to judge someone else the way you're doing - raise it, maybe, but raise it nicely, because it is her decision. Tips aren't compulsory, and she might not have budgeted for extra.

When I was younger I had a friend who was rather well off, and made a great thing out of being horribly ashamed of the rest of us when we didn't tip as much as she thought we should. I remember her getting into a right state about it once, which is why it sticks in my mind. We'd had crap service from a restaurant (really, seriously crap) and they'd stuck what was labelled as a 'discretionary' 12.5% tip on the bill. When we asked them to remove it, they insisted it was mandatory. Hmm This friend ended up almost shrieking at us that we were being terrible people for embarrassing her so.

I thought then, and still think, that this was pretentious in the extreme.

HairsprayBabe · 14/09/2016 14:46

If you don't think tipping is compulsory when you get good service you have clearly never worked as a waitress.

McDonald's staff are not allowed to accept tips so there is no point in comparing that they have to refuse it or put it in the charity pot.

You don't tip in stores because historically staff earned commission.

From my waitressing experience tipping in this country is rarely more than than a few quid, and is always gratefully received.

BeALert · 14/09/2016 14:47

It's not compulsory in the UK in the way it is in other countries. It's a nice thing to do, but not essential.

Where is it compulsory?

MephistoMarley · 14/09/2016 14:50

If someone told me off for not tipping for coffee I'd tell them to get to fuck.
Tipping isn't compulsory or even expected in coffee shops.

bumsexatthebingo · 14/09/2016 14:50

I don't tip for coffee in this country. Might put my change in the jar on the counter if there is one. I do tip for meals - about 15 percent if the service is good. If I am out with a tipper will will split it or one of us pay less of the bill and the other tip but if not I put it in myself. Nit sure what there is to be embarrassed about I'd you are making up the tip anyway?

LRDtheFeministDragon · 14/09/2016 14:50

If you don't think tipping is compulsory when you get good service you have clearly never worked as a waitress.

Confused

Huh? Are you saying all waitresses know about a law unknown to everyone else, or are you redefining what 'compulsory' means.

I have, FWIW, worked as a waitress. I would have been shown the door by my boss had I decided to pretend tipping was compulsory.

wayway13 · 14/09/2016 14:51

I rarely tip anymore. If I have really excellent service then I'll leave a couple of quid but it isn't something I do automatically. Unlike the US, staff receive a living wage in this country so I don't feel as though I have to pay them extra.

MephistoMarley · 14/09/2016 14:51

It's more or less compulsory in the states. Not tipping is viewed like not paying.

BarbaraofSeville · 14/09/2016 14:59

Why do you feel that you have to tip on behalf of your friend, just leave your tip and let your friend not tip - her choice.

It's a ridiculous practice - many people in equally hard and low paid jobs get not one penny in tips and in any case, good service is kind of the basic requirement of working in a restaurant, not something that should be rewarded as an extra.

Service in a lot of places, especially chains, is often mediocre at best and all those 'would you like more drinks, extra sides, dessert, etc' isn't good service, that is simply upselling.

HairsprayBabe · 14/09/2016 15:01

You boss was clearly not very understanding then Dragon

Sorry what I meant was "If you don't think tipping should be compulsory when you get good service you have clearly never worked as a waitress."

IME the managers know the customer is rarely right and I have waitressed on and off for over 10 years!

and LOL if you really think you can live on the "living wage" especially when most wait staff are under 25 and are only on NMW.

HairsprayBabe · 14/09/2016 15:02

I really don't get the mentality of well I don't tip one trade so why should I tip another?

Scholes34 · 14/09/2016 15:03

You need to watch the beginning of the film Reservoir Dogs.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 14/09/2016 15:03

No, tipping shouldn't be compulsory.

A decent living wage should be compulsory.