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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

tipping the waitress

161 replies

mummysmummy · 14/09/2016 13:17

I have a friend that I sometimes meet for coffee or lunch. she rarely tips and when she does its miserly. I feel so embarrassed about this, I make up for it by making up the tip to an acceptable amount and sometimes secretly giving all of it. AIBU to think that tipping, particularly for staff who are low paid, it a good thing to-do.
maybe i should manup about this and tell her not to be such a skinflint

OP posts:
Discobabe · 14/09/2016 16:15

If you were my waitress and I knew how self entitled you were in thinking you deserve a tip more than the next joe bloggs on nmw who works equally as hard, I'd not leave one.

Tartyflette · 14/09/2016 16:15

Actually, had a meal which came to over £700 for four at the weekend, discretionary svce charge of 12.5 pct was then applied which took it to nearly £800 (then we had even more drinks at the bar Grin ) but it was a v.special occasion.
But I always thought that if he service was bad you could refuse to pay the service charge part of the bill and the restuarant would have to chase you for it in the civil courts. So the poster upthread should have stuck to his / her guns and let the buggers sue them!

paranormalish · 14/09/2016 16:16

You can get very good service in places in the US if you are known to be a good tipper

This is so true! I have a mate who tips big everywhere, but always before the service he is tipping for, it is almost comical to watch the staff blow smoke up his backside.

user1470043860 · 14/09/2016 16:17

If you were my waitress and I knew how self entitled you were in thinking you deserve a tip more than the next joe bloggs on nmw who works equally as hard, I'd not leave one

If I were your waitress, then I'd only expect a tip if you had a lovely meal and I helped you have a great time over the last 2 hours where I catered to your every whim and you treated my like a slave. But that's my job.

user1470043860 · 14/09/2016 16:17

*me

ColinFirthsGirth · 14/09/2016 16:18

I never tip hairdressers or waitresses. I think the employer should be paying a decent wage in the first place.

I have worked as a care assistant and a cleaner on minimum wage and never got tipped. In the case of when I was a care assistant I waa being paid £3 a hour (just before minimum wage came in ) and went above and beyond the call of duty to make sure that the elderly peoople in my care were given the best care I could give them. I absolutely did need skill in my job and it is very hard work. All wages shuold be a decent living wage and I have done alot of anti-poverty campaigning in my time but I am not going to top up what the employer should be paying to their staff.

Tartyflette · 14/09/2016 16:19

Also, in this country, is it not usual that restaurant tips are shared between all staff, including the kitchen workers?

user1470043860 · 14/09/2016 16:19

As for other customer service jobs. How long do they have to be with the customer? I can't think of any, although I'm sure there are some, where the 1-2-1 doesn't last more than a few minutes.

WeMustGetOffTheMountain · 14/09/2016 16:19

I tip at a restaurant if I've received a great service. I don't tip at a coffee shop. I sometimes tip my hairdresser but generally wait and give her a really good tip at Christmas in a card. I think it is ridiculous to tip everyone and to be honest I just can't afford it.

JenLindleyShitMom · 14/09/2016 16:19

So people tip wait staff at weddings and functions?

paranormalish · 14/09/2016 16:19

Tartyflette

if he service was bad you could refuse to pay the service charge part of the bill and the restuarant would have to chase you for it in the civil courts

A service charge is always discretionary unless stated as a party charge will attract a !0% supplement or whatever. No one would sue you for refusing a service charge as they would be laughed out of court.

IIRC you are entitled to refuse to pay for a meal that you consider sub standard as long as you give your name and address and the restaurant can make a case why you should pay in the small claims court.

RainbowJack · 14/09/2016 16:20

Discobabe But don't you know about the skills she has had to employ.

I wonder if user1470043860s 'real restaurant' has someone playing the worlds smallest violin in the corner.

JenLindleyShitMom · 14/09/2016 16:20

Sorry, that should be, do those who insist on tipping wait staff in restaurants, tip wait staff at weddings and functions?

user1470043860 · 14/09/2016 16:20

Also, in this country, is it not usual that restaurant tips are shared between all staff, including the kitchen workers

it's the norm for any good restaurant.

crayfish · 14/09/2016 16:21

I don't understand why people are saying waitressing requires some kind of skill set that is far superior to working in a shop? I've done both. Yes you need different skills but waitressing isn't harder, it's just different.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 14/09/2016 16:21

I always tip for excellent service but I'm less inclined to do so for average. I've already paid - and the waiting staff is being paid by their employer.

The reason I feel like this is due to the fact that I stay in hotels very often; waiting staff at dinner fully expect to be tipped for not doing anything startling or brilliant - whereas waiting staff at breakfast are often rushed off their feet and aren't tipped at all - nor do they want/expect to be tipped.

I think the whole tipping system needs to be looked at with perhaps some criteria given to help customers decide to tip and how much. The over-tippers for mediocre service are doing nobody any favours and just encouraging the same mediocre, average service.

user1470043860 · 14/09/2016 16:22

that should be, do those who insist on tipping wait staff in restaurants, tip wait staff at weddings and functions

Sometimes the FOTB will bung the staff a few extra quid if they've been outstanding.

user1470043860 · 14/09/2016 16:23

I don't understand why people are saying waitressing requires some kind of skill set that is far superior to working in a shop

"Far Superior" are you words, not mine.

crayfish · 14/09/2016 16:24

User where are you waitressing? I can't afford to eat in fancy places much but it's generally 'take order, bring food, ask if it's ok, bring bill' no matter where you go isnt it? Am I missing something? Its hardly spending hours and hours with a customer and it's not as if you're cooking the food yourself is it?

crayfish · 14/09/2016 16:26

No, your words were:
'Food and drink handling/service is far removed from other customer service jobs and should be treated differently'
and
'Serving someone a meal is quite different to answering the phone with "how can I help you"'

I assumed you meant that being a waitress was somehow harder than working in other service industries. Was that not what you were suggesting?

ColinFirthsGirth · 14/09/2016 16:26

user1470043860 - I have given an example above of a NMW job that spends alot of time with clients - Care Assistants in my experience work very hard for very little pay. When I used to help a client bath or help them eat or take them to the toilet and help to wipe them afterwards I was spending alot of time with them. I also needed to have a fair amount of skill - for example having the knowledge to report to the nurses if I felt someone was unwell or need to be looked at, writing care plans and records, helping clients with their medication etc. There are amny NMW jobs that require skill and great customer service skills that don't get tipped. Waitresses are not a special breed.

user1470043860 · 14/09/2016 16:27

User where are you waitressing

Ha, Ha, my first job was in a French Restaurant (in France) 25 years ago and my last job was in a 5 Star hotel (15 years ago)

I work in building management now, at a senior level.

OrangeFluff · 14/09/2016 16:27

At the restaurant I work at, tips are shared equally between all staff- chefs, waiting and bar staff, washups and cleaners. We feel it takes the entire team to make a good experience so we all share the reward.

Honestly, whilst everyone gets good standard service, its the regulars who tend to tip well that get the above and beyond, such as the best table, little freebies, something that isn't on the menu but we'll cook for them etc... That's probably not fair on the non tipping customers, but this is how it is.

crayfish · 14/09/2016 16:27

You also said this User:

If you don't believe you need different skills working in a kitchen to working a shop then that's fair enough.

So can you elaborate on what those skills are because so far you havent'.

chilipepper20 · 14/09/2016 16:28

This is so true! I have a mate who tips big everywhere, but always before the service he is tipping for, it is almost comical to watch the staff blow smoke up his backside.

Yes. In my case, the bartender literally stole from one paying employer (the bar, the actual employer) and gave to me, the other "employer", which makes sense given the incentives. For the price of 1.5 drinks, I get two.