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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want anyone else using our caravan?

220 replies

Welshmaenad · 13/09/2016 15:23

I have recently bought a caravan (static) in a very popular holiday spot (well, I've paid a deposit and will be settling the balance when it is sited and ready). The money has come from my DDad who recently passed away. He and my mum, who died 2 years ago, always planned to get a nice caravan when they both retired, sadly mum died before she took retirement so they never fulfilled their dream, so thus feels like a special thing to do with some of the money I have been lucky enough to inherit from them. It's a very nice site with excellent facilities and the caravan itself is pretty swish, brand new and was quite expensive - not bragging at all but just pointing out that it's a significant and quite special investment for me.

I am already getting people commenting that they would love to stay in it Confused and giving me sob stories about how they haven't been able to afford a holiday in ages, etc. I know it probably sounds selfish but this is something I am doing for my family, not to give people free holidays. My DP used to live in this area and his DC lives here so he will be using it as a base to spend more time with the DC; I intend using it frequently with him and my own DC, and my ExH will be using it in his weekends with the DC too, potentially with his partner and her child who I both know and like. And frankly that's as far as I want it to go, the second bedroom in the vsn will be the kids room and they will have their own bedding etc, we will be keeping lots of personal possessions there for ease, and I don't want all and sundry sleeping in it, poking through our stuff and so on. We may host friends whilst we are also there but I don't want others using it when we're not. When I've told people this they seem really put out and insinuate I'm being selfish.

I'm not, am I? I feel like I need to be really strict from the start or it will be a slippery slope and I will end up providing free holidays for all and sundry. AIBU in wanting to keep it for ourselves?

OP posts:
Purplehonesty · 13/09/2016 20:31

Aw me and the kids haven't had a holiday in years. Seeing as we are practically Besties (being on the same thread and all) can we pop down say Easter next year for two weeks?
Can we use your bed linen too save bringing ours and it's fine to bring the dogs too isn't it?
No?

LightDrizzle · 13/09/2016 20:34

YANBU! I'm a big fan of "Well we're not letting it out but if you google the site, there might be some available to rent."

We have a flat in a seaside town, nobody has angled to stay for free but we have offered it free to a few people over the years who have taken us up on it. We are in a the middle of upgrading our bedroom there though, and I'm thinking of changing it to family only or inviting people to stay with us there, in the second bedroom. I feel a bit more precious about it now, it's more like our bedroom than the double bedroom in our holiday flat iykwim.

I wouldn't lend our Camper Van out to anyone, even family. It's too easy to damage and we really look after it. I would be so upset if it got trashed.

Willow2016 · 13/09/2016 20:43

Lweji
Why should she make excuses or explain her reasons?

Its her own personal caravan, "No I am not letting it out/giving free holidays away on MY money" is sufficient or "well hope you find something that suits you", move convo onto something else.

I also think she should be able to share her good news with friends without them trying to freeload off her.

Lweji · 13/09/2016 20:52

What?
Did I say she should?
Why my specific post?

Willow2016 · 13/09/2016 21:04

"Explain that to people.

Or just tell them you've had so many people requesting, that you don't feel comfortable refusing only some requests, or that you'd end up with a huge bill with all the people staying (water, electricity, etc) so you aren't saying yes to anyone.

Or that you were treating it as an investment as well, so you'd be happy to let it, but not to lose the potential income by making commitments. (they don't have to know if you are actually letting it or not)"

She doesnt have to explain anything to anyone. She just ignores or says "No" Was about to put the same as a pp about a new car, nobody came sleezing around me to have a free loan of my new car for a few days!

Not wanting an argument just disagreeing with what you said btw.

Radiatorvalves · 13/09/2016 21:12

We have a holiday home we do rent to friends / relations for a modest amount. We are not badly off, but houses do need maintenance and bills need to be paid. No charges if they are invited when we are there, and my cousins have just spent a week gratis, but they have helped me out a lot and it was a thank you (they brought gin, wine and chocolate and took us out for dinner).

YANBU OP.

Lweji · 13/09/2016 21:15

Selectively editing the beginning of my post, though.

I think it's perfectly fine for you to keep it free of commitments, should you suddenly want to spend a weekend there.

It's not particularly different from most posts.

Most people do give a reason to say no.

And not sure why specifically targeting my username, not exactly what was written there. Hmm

greenfolder · 13/09/2016 21:28

My Sil bought a static in exactly the same circumstances. She allows close family to stay only when they definitely won't. Take your own bedding. Use anything but replace anything that runs out or low when you are there. Take own towels and a bathmat. If I had one I wouldn't allow others cos I know a lot of people and I just know the rare sunny weekend Susan from accounts would be in it.

PersonalClown · 13/09/2016 21:31

For a moment I thought to myself 'I don't remember starting this thread'
Our story is pretty identical apart from my mum is still with us. (Flowers)
We bought ours after my Dad died suddenly. Partly as they were talking about getting one and partly as a 'second home' for ASD Ds so he may actually leave the house/home town/area etc.

We haven't told anyone about it especially as some of our family have no shame.

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 13/09/2016 21:45

I was thinking about getting a caravan in Blackpool, but I don't think I'll bother now. I don't know how I'd forgotten about my BIL being a shameless, piss-taking wankstain, but I had. It would end badly.

expatinscotland · 13/09/2016 21:48

'I don't know how I'd forgotten about my BIL being a shameless, piss-taking wankstain, but I had. It would end badly.'

My mate has a caravan she has not told her own family about for this very reason.

jellybeans · 14/09/2016 00:15

Yanbu.
I am a generous person but I don't lend certain things I cannot afford to repair or replace. I have family members with caravans and have never expected or asked to stay in it. Didn't occur to me.

nursepearl · 14/09/2016 00:18

We stay in caravans when we holiday and you can see that some of them are treated badly, spillages, cigarette burns and such, so YANBU. I would just say its fully booked by you and your family and then quickly change the subject!

windmillsofyourmind · 14/09/2016 00:43

Changing the subject slightly, when did caravan holidays become so dear. Some go for £900 a week in high season.

maninawomansworld01 · 14/09/2016 00:54

We have a holiday home. It's lovely. It's full of personal possessions, bedding, linen, clothes etc.

We can literally jump in the car with nothing but phone, wallet and keys and have everything we need waiting right there for me when we arrive , completely up disturbed from the last time we were there ( apart from the cleaner having been in) and that's how we like it.

Parents stay a weekend now and then as do siblings and their families but they stay in the spare bedrooms and treat it as they would treat our home not some holiday rental.

Completely ignore anyone hinting (or even outright asking) if they can stay.

My stock response is 'Oh sorry, it's our home not a holiday rental'. We don't rent it out."

Cagliostro · 14/09/2016 01:10

No YANBU

Can't believe people would assume they could just use it for free Hmm

Some new friends of ours bought a static recently, I asked do they RENT it out (as in, I would rather pay them than a big holiday company) I hope they didn't think I was angling to use it for free! Shock I would never want to do that.

Sorry about the loss of your parents, I think the caravan is a lovely way to honour them. Thanks

Cagliostro · 14/09/2016 01:13

Meant to say I wouldn't even angle for mates rates.

allwornout0 · 14/09/2016 07:30

I have to say Cagliostro, although I totally understand what you are saying, It would come across to me that you were trying to get 'mates rates' if you had never visited the place where the static is sited and only thought about visiting because your friends had a static there.

Chattymummyhere · 14/09/2016 09:34

Wind that can be cheap some places are over £1,000 for a week. We are looking at a change of location next year and it's due to cost us £1,320 for one week in Wales via a large company.

Marynary · 14/09/2016 10:16

YANBU. I would tell people that you are not thinking of letting it at the moment (to let them know that they will be charged if they stay there and it won't be a free holiday) but you will let them know if you change your mind in the future.

windmillsofyourmind · 14/09/2016 14:07

Chatty that's ridiculous, a week in a caravan used to be an affordable alternative to staying in a hotel, a poor mans holiday kind of thing. How times change.

Cagliostro · 14/09/2016 14:16

Yes I did worry about that afterwards :( I always panic about offending people (I am autistic) but I think I did say something after about rather giving money to them than Haven or whatever. It's in a place we are actually staying next month (at Haven! But their one is in a strictly residential type place)

Kindlethefourth · 14/09/2016 17:30

Can you just say site rules don't allow you to sublet??? Or only close relatives. This is actually the case at my parent's site.

oldgrandmama · 14/09/2016 17:54

It sounds a great way to spend some of your dad's inheritance - I'm sure he, and your late mum, would be delighted that you've bought it.

You certainly do NOT have to let all and sundry use the caravan for a free holiday - with your DP's and your ex DP's families, it's lovely that they'll have somewhere to stay ... and were you to lend it out to others, there'd arrive a situation when people would moan because they couldn't use it when THEY wanted because your nearest and dearest were booked for that week! I speak from experience (not a caravan, my off road parking space!)

38cody · 14/09/2016 17:56

Yanbu
I have a holiday home and a mum at school hinted and hinted without subtlety that she'd like to stay there. I didn't make the offer and she's been frosty ever since.
When people ask directly I just say "we don't rent it out'
I do let my dearest friend stay there and my lovely ex boss plus close family but that's my choice and I've made the offer.
Stick to your guns.

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