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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want anyone else using our caravan?

220 replies

Welshmaenad · 13/09/2016 15:23

I have recently bought a caravan (static) in a very popular holiday spot (well, I've paid a deposit and will be settling the balance when it is sited and ready). The money has come from my DDad who recently passed away. He and my mum, who died 2 years ago, always planned to get a nice caravan when they both retired, sadly mum died before she took retirement so they never fulfilled their dream, so thus feels like a special thing to do with some of the money I have been lucky enough to inherit from them. It's a very nice site with excellent facilities and the caravan itself is pretty swish, brand new and was quite expensive - not bragging at all but just pointing out that it's a significant and quite special investment for me.

I am already getting people commenting that they would love to stay in it and giving me sob stories about how they haven't been able to afford a holiday in ages, etc. I know it probably sounds selfish but this is something I am doing for my family, not to give people free holidays. My DP used to live in this area and his DC lives here so he will be using it as a base to spend more time with the DC; I intend using it frequently with him and my own DC, and my ExH will be using it in his weekends with the DC too, potentially with his partner and her child who I both know and like. And frankly that's as far as I want it to go, the second bedroom in the vsn will be the kids room and they will have their own bedding etc, we will be keeping lots of personal possessions there for ease, and I don't want all and sundry sleeping in it, poking through our stuff and so on. We may host friends whilst we are also there but I don't want others using it when we're not. When I've told people this they seem really put out and insinuate I'm being selfish.

I'm not, am I? I feel like I need to be really strict from the start or it will be a slippery slope and I will end up providing free holidays for all and sundry. AIBU in wanting to keep it for ourselves?

OP posts:

Lweji · 13/09/2016 16:17

Or when they complain about it, mention how your parents saved for it, although, sadly, never got to enjoy it. Reinforce the "saving" bit.

AmeliaJack · 13/09/2016 16:17

What a lovely thing to do with your inheritance OP.

I would say, if asked:

"It's for family use only. It's never available"

SnowBallsAreHere · 13/09/2016 16:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/09/2016 16:21

Oh Welsh - you're beset by selfish arsed people around you, aren't you! :(

Tell them that it's your family's haven and retreat, and you don't need or want to let anyone else use it, thanks. Maybe mention that your Dad's ashes will be living there (if you have them) because it was his and your Mum's dream, so as far as you're concerned it will be permanently occupied by family.

Just stay strong - NO ONE has a right to it, any more than they have a right to your family home, or car, or anything else that you own!

Can't believe the cheek of some people, honestly. :(

expatinscotland · 13/09/2016 16:22

'I just thought that - for a very small (and unattractive) portion of the year - it would show willing, but in no way be seen as a free resource.'

She doesn't have to 'show willing'.

'Site rules forbid holiday lets. wink'

Bar age-restricted/retirement sites, there's no site that forbids holiday letting.

You don't need excuses or show willing or anything else, OP.

'Sorry, it's for family use only.'

CryingShame · 13/09/2016 16:23

DMum used to have a static van, immediate family and some friends were allowed to visit (we went once pre-DC). Then her brother visited, and bought some nice reclining deckchairs which he left there "for family to use". It turned out he intended for my mum to police other, non-family, people using the van to ensure that they didn't use his bloody chairs. The van was about 170 miles away from the home town of these people. Mum was incensed that he'd made it her problem. And then they had randoms asking like others have said, or people would ask if their children could visit.

Watch out as children get older in case you also start getting "creep" from extended family members of people who you do trust to have access.

Oh, and I'm dead jealous. We stayed in a van over the summer, in a nice site, and we said that if we had the money, and lived a shorter distance (say

Aworldofmyown · 13/09/2016 16:25

YADNBU.

Cheeky beggers.

Inertia · 13/09/2016 16:25

Actually, I'd probably avoid saying it's for family use only as then you'll get the dog's great-auntie thrice removed asking to stay because they are family, or friends saying that they are close enough to be family.

I'd just stick with saying that you have no plans to rent it out- that sends the message that a) Nobody else is staying in it, and b) if you ever did, there would be a charge.

Goodasgoldilox · 13/09/2016 16:25

Of course you are not being unreasonable or selfish.
Do you borrow the cars of others whenever they are not in them? (It would be so much cheaper than running your own)

As for polite reasons: I don't suppose that it is insured for use by others...?

Joanna0685 · 13/09/2016 16:33

You could when you are not using it offer it to a children's hospital, where parents, siblings and terminally ill children can have a break, sort of like make a wish foundation

Be interesting to see how the selfish cheeky, freeloaders react to that.

Hope you enjoy it.

allwornout0 · 13/09/2016 16:33

I wouldn't mention it to others at all from now on.
My parents let a few friends use theirs a handful of times and all was good, then they let a friend of a friend use it and they left it in a disgusting state, used our personal items and riffled in all cupboards and drawers. Never again after that., it's just not worth it.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 13/09/2016 16:34

Sorry for your loss Welsh, enjoy your caravan and don't feel beholden to the chancers. My Nana has a holiday home abroad and God do they all come crawling out the woodwork when they want a free holiday (and use up loads of gas/elec and leave bed not stripped etc) never to be seen for dust til their tan has faded.

Also you may want to look up the Mexican house thief thread on here, basically the OP had a holiday home that her next door neighbour hassled her to get a free stay, they did but also got a second key cut and had let themselves in and stayed without her permission only to be caught by the OPs friend who went to stay at the holiday home only to find the NDN there and they weren't even apologetic when caught out!

Joanna0685 · 13/09/2016 16:35

You could when you are not using it offer it to a children's hospital, where parents, siblings and terminally ill children can have a break, sort of like make a wish foundation

Be interesting to see how the selfish cheeky, freeloaders react to that.

Hope you enjoy it.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 13/09/2016 16:36

Just don't let anyone near it. My folks bought a holiday home years ago in a sunny European country years ago. It was astonishing how many people crawled out the woodwork expecting free use of the place. They had decorated the cottage with lots of personal effects and it was intended as a semi retirement home where they would spend a few months of the year. They caved in a few times and allowed 'friends' to stay only to find each time the place had not been looked after or cleaned properly (books going missing, broken glasses not replaced, food left in the fridge, bedsheets not washed etc). Even my folks asking for a small contribution for the use of the place was met with eye rolling. In the end they could not be arsed with the hassle. Some people are just users.

Iflyaway · 13/09/2016 16:36

No. They are selfish for expecting you to give them a free holiday... Just tell them you're not running an AirB&B style of arrangement.

Would they be expecting you to open up your home too to them when you're on holiday? No of course not.

Like when I had a biracial child. It was great for culling out the (secret) racists from my life.

Enjoy this lovely gift from your parents and see it as them smiling down from the universe at you being able to do what they couldn't get round to doing. I think it's wonderful you are carrying on their legacy.

And enjoy it to the max!

Honestly, some people are so self-entitled these days.

KC225 · 13/09/2016 16:37

What a lovely way to honour your parents wishes. I agree just nod at the brass neck sob stories and reply we are keeping it for personal use for the moment. You really don't need to add or explain anything. It's all yours and you of course you want to enjoy it.

Agree with the posters who say that once you start offering freebies it's hard to say no. A friend of mine inherited a tiny cottage from a elderly aunt in a holiday destination. Distant cousin three times removed on the other side gave a sob story. Got the holiday and then left a cheap bottle of wine on top of a list of complaints, including dated decor, no hairdryer, no tumble dryer and no outdoor toys for the toddler. She had stayed in the place for free. Friend was livid. Cheeky cousin even had the nerve to try and get another freebie the next the following year. Now the two don't talk.

phillipp · 13/09/2016 16:37

because you are putting the idea in their heads, rightly or wrongly, that there is holiday home sitting idle.

no, not really. I bought a second car. I wouldn't expect to keep it secret incase someone decides they fancy using it.

Do you expect the op to keep her caravan a secret?

Lynnm63 · 13/09/2016 16:38

Ignore subtle hints. If they say can I come x weekend say no as x is going to be there that week if you don't feel like saying no. Remember though as Mumsnet says "no is a complete sentence"

BaggyCheeks · 13/09/2016 16:40

Ah Mexican House Thief

"No, it's only for me, DP and the children."

And then don't bring it up with them again, and enjoy your caravan.

GingerbreadCake · 13/09/2016 16:40

Just always say it's in use and it's more of a second base for the family not a holiday home. If they say they can't wait to stay in it say "Oh I'm sorry but to be honest we are using it as a second home and going to be to ing and fro ing from it all the time so we won't be sub letting it."

Iflyaway · 13/09/2016 16:41

the Mexican house thief thread

Oh yea. Brilliant. It's in Classics.

Required reading for me all of us who have a soft spot/people pleasers/requiring a back bone/how to get rid of freeloaders.

WhatIsYourOpinion · 13/09/2016 16:42

Only insure it for family, or say you will usually have family in it so you don't want to offend your friends by only being able to let some stay, or say that actually, that is a co-incidence, because your relatives from abroad were looking for somewhere to stay, so maybe they could live in your friends' houses while they are in the caravan!

Memoires · 13/09/2016 16:43

Of course you're not being unreasonable, it's your home away from home. Would they ask to occupy your house? It's the same thing.

You could just say "hmm" and talk of something else, or say no, but you don't have to explain anything.

Enjoy it.

SabineUndine · 13/09/2016 16:45

You don't sound selfish to me - you're planning to share your caravan with a whole pile of people of your own choosing.

Your post reminded me of when I bought my own flat, 20 years ago. You wouldn't believe the number of people who got my change of address card and got in touch because they just happened to be planning a visit in the area anyway. To this day, I have only had a handful of close friends to stay. Stick to your guns - I'm guessing you've got one person in particular dropping snarky hints? Don't give in.

gamerchick · 13/09/2016 16:45

Ah I'd love a caravan, I'm torn between a camper or a static in a few years. OT what are the site fees like per year OP if you don't mind saying of course?

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