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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want anyone else using our caravan?

220 replies

Welshmaenad · 13/09/2016 15:23

I have recently bought a caravan (static) in a very popular holiday spot (well, I've paid a deposit and will be settling the balance when it is sited and ready). The money has come from my DDad who recently passed away. He and my mum, who died 2 years ago, always planned to get a nice caravan when they both retired, sadly mum died before she took retirement so they never fulfilled their dream, so thus feels like a special thing to do with some of the money I have been lucky enough to inherit from them. It's a very nice site with excellent facilities and the caravan itself is pretty swish, brand new and was quite expensive - not bragging at all but just pointing out that it's a significant and quite special investment for me.

I am already getting people commenting that they would love to stay in it Confused and giving me sob stories about how they haven't been able to afford a holiday in ages, etc. I know it probably sounds selfish but this is something I am doing for my family, not to give people free holidays. My DP used to live in this area and his DC lives here so he will be using it as a base to spend more time with the DC; I intend using it frequently with him and my own DC, and my ExH will be using it in his weekends with the DC too, potentially with his partner and her child who I both know and like. And frankly that's as far as I want it to go, the second bedroom in the vsn will be the kids room and they will have their own bedding etc, we will be keeping lots of personal possessions there for ease, and I don't want all and sundry sleeping in it, poking through our stuff and so on. We may host friends whilst we are also there but I don't want others using it when we're not. When I've told people this they seem really put out and insinuate I'm being selfish.

I'm not, am I? I feel like I need to be really strict from the start or it will be a slippery slope and I will end up providing free holidays for all and sundry. AIBU in wanting to keep it for ourselves?

OP posts:
Rainbunny · 14/09/2016 20:14

YANBU! We have a cabin in the mountains about a two hour drive away from where we live. It's in a ski resort area and it's not even ours really (DH will inherit it but not yet). Our PILs own it but they're getting on and don't ski anymore and they are a 10 hour drive away so for the last few years we've had almost exclusive use of it during ski season, we also do the maintenance on it as well. I can't tell you how many people have straight up asked to use it and some develop quite an attitude when we have to say no. We always explain that it's not actually ours and we are in fact using it as guests throughout the season but selective deafness seems to occur and they ignore that pesky little fact.

A junior colleague of my DH asked to use it one weekend in February last year and DH explained it isn't our cabin and we were using it that weekend anyway. Junior colleague proceeded to get really pushy about it because he wanted to propose to his GF with both his and her parents present and that weekend was the only opportunity! I think it was meant to be an orchestrated surprise that the families were part of, GF was to be surprised by him proposing IYKWIM. DH just said how nice but surely you didn't plan all this without booking a cabin? It turns out the Junior colleague had left it too late (ski cabins book up very early) and was desperate to use ours as he had no plan B. He thought DH was awful for not lending it to him for that weekend! I never did learn what happened with the surprise proposal...

tracy100 · 14/09/2016 20:18

It's your home away from home. Enjoy it as you wish. If you choose to let it out to people as a holiday let that is your choice.

Gwenhwyfar · 14/09/2016 20:21

"Several of my friends have caravans and it would never cross my mind to expect them to let me stay in them. "

Why not? It comes into my mind whenever someone mentions a caravan permanently sited somewhere. I wouldn't actually ask, but might hint if it was a good friend. Same as I would ask to stay with a friend if I was visiting their town.

0pti0na1 · 14/09/2016 20:21

Just smile and say "no, we're not letting it out I'm afraid". Don't give any reason as the pushy types will only suggest a way around it.

youarenotkiddingme · 14/09/2016 20:23

Ask them if you can use their house whilst they are there!

I'll never get why people don't understand a caravan is someone's home as much as their home is.

wornoutboots · 14/09/2016 20:26

that's the one bit of Wales I don't have any experience of! LOL

enjoy, and just say "not letting other people stay, sorry" "I know, but the caravan is for just us for now." "no, like I said it's just ours" "I understand, but the caravan isn't available for other people, sorry" "look, I said already - it's not available for anyone else to use" "it's just not possible" "not going to happen, sorry!"
go "stuck record" on the subject, eventually they'll give it up!

Maglet16 · 14/09/2016 20:27

If you had bought a car they wouldn't all be waiting to drive it so why should they expect to stay in your caravan, paying or not. Make it clear that it's not for letting out as its your home from home and has special meaning to you. If they get annoyed about that, are they really friends?

gemma19846 · 14/09/2016 20:33

Ive asked people in the past if they rent out their vans and they simply just say no sorry and thats the end of that. If someone asks just say sorry we dont rent it out then change the conversation :)

gemma19846 · 14/09/2016 20:35

Btw the reason i have asked if they rent it out is because people that DO rent them out are usually eager to fill up their dates xx

expatinscotland · 14/09/2016 20:35

'Why not? It comes into my mind whenever someone mentions a caravan permanently sited somewhere. I wouldn't actually ask, but might hint if it was a good friend. Same as I would ask to stay with a friend if I was visiting their town.'

Because you wait for them to offer.

Gwenhwyfar · 14/09/2016 20:39

"
Because you wait for them to offer."

Yes, that's why I said I might hint. You never get anything in life if you just wait for people to offer - they may not know you're interested.
Last time I went to London I stayed in a hotel and my friend told me off for not asking to stay as she has a large flat and a spare room. She hadn't offered first because she didn't know I was staying overnight. It pays to ask, or at least hint, sometimes.

Gwenhwyfar · 14/09/2016 20:42

"Ask them if you can use their house whilst they are there! "

Why not? Friends have let me 'use their house' i.e. stay there when they were away.

expatinscotland · 14/09/2016 20:44

'You never get anything in life if you just wait for people to offer - they may not know you're interested.'

Yeah, you do. Hinting is so PA. Not much of a good friend, your mate, if she didn't ask you more about your visit. 'Oh, you're staying overnight! I didn't realise. Come stay here.'

Lindsxxx · 14/09/2016 20:52

Just say yes of course you can rent it and make up some extortionate prices which means they won't want it 😀

Gwenhwyfar · 14/09/2016 20:57

"Not much of a good friend, your mate, if she didn't ask you more about your visit. 'Oh, you're staying overnight! I didn't realise. Come stay here.'"

No need to insult my friend. She had no reason to know I was staying overnight and it was the night before we met.

expatinscotland · 14/09/2016 20:59

How is that insulting? Just doesn't sound as close as you think. I have good friends and if we're meeting up in a location that's not one of our home towns, we always ask each other how they're getting there, time scales and such.

Original poster
Welshmaenad · 14/09/2016 21:01

cavatron we try! I do want to kill him occasionally but for the most part we get on really well. His GF is lovely and I genuinely like her and her little boy. She has been really supportive of my DC after losing their granddad and I'm very grateful to her for that, I'm pleased they have another adult in their lives that loves them and will be there for them when I'm not physically with them. She even came to my dad's funeral to support ExH, who was a pallbearer and very very fond of my dad. He chose well!

OP posts:
witsender · 14/09/2016 21:03

I would never ask to stay somewhere if visiting a town! How odd. And I hate hate hate people hinting at things, my sister does it so I ignore her to be obtuse. It really bugs me. Either 'own' what you are wanting to ask for or don't, don't leave the other person to make the leap.

Duckafuck · 14/09/2016 21:05

It's your caravan, that's the end of it. No need to discuss or explain or make up silly excuses why not. You wouldn't have all and sundry borrowing your car or house or your knickers for that matter! Why is the caravan any different?

Xmasbaby11 · 14/09/2016 21:12

I think it's fine to ask, and it's fine to say no.

Overshoulderbolderholder · 14/09/2016 21:17

Hope you and your family have many happy times in your holiday home ... I love a caravan me... No I'm not hinting for a freebie Smile. YANBU, it's all new and beautiful I wouldn't want to keep it that way as long as poss

0pti0na1 · 14/09/2016 21:32

I don't think dropping hints is good manners really. If someone had a caravan for hire they would let friends know themselves or advertise.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 14/09/2016 21:52

YANBU. How cheeky! Can't bear people always on the look out for a cheap deal and what they can sponge from others good fortune.
Enjoy your new holiday home and don't feel guilty.

TheLastHeatwave · 14/09/2016 21:57

welsh I'm sorry to hear about your parents 💐 I lost my Dad unexpectedly a few years ago, it's very, very hard x

YADNBU to want it as your home away from home & for it to be available to you & a special, private, place. You're already being really lovely to let your ex & his GF use it, because even though I appreciate it benefits your kids to do so & you like them both, I think I'd still feel a bit uneasy about them being in such a private space.

I'd simply say to anyone asking or hinting 'I'm sorry, we are treating it as our home away from home & want to be able to head down there anytime we want to, to get away from it all, without having to think about whether it's being used it not. If that ever changes I'll let you know'😊

It's SO nice to hear about a good relationship with an ex and his new GF 😊 (Does make you wonder why they're an ex though?! 😁)

Lillithxxx · 14/09/2016 21:57

Absolutely NBU. A caravan - static or otherwise is a delight to stay in. Enjoy it for yourself - most likely as your dear parents would have wished. Happy fun times ahead for you and yours.🍾