...to ask how much you spend on birthday gifts for your DC's friends?

[wheresmyfairygodmother]

Talking about their general classmates.

I used to spend roughly the equivalent of what they'd spent on inviting my child to the party, eg. for a soft play party I'd spend around £10.

Then my DC had a soft party and I couldn't believe the cheap tat some parents gifted! Have been unsure of etiquette ever since. I am constantly working to a budget so don't want to overspend, but I'm also curious what's the norm

We don't have a big budget and substitutes a party for 15 instead of lots of presents from ourselves. We do one big present and a party. It doesn't matter the value of the presents people bring, as some say the cheaper ones are often more popular. It's the unwrapping delight of around 15 presents they love. I spend around £1015 (or less if there's a sale and I've discovered Wilko's craft kits which are great and usually £10 or less). I usually give a small toy and a book.

I used to out £5 in a card and not worry, figuring if a few people did the same, the child could choose a bigger box of Lego or whatever if it all got spent together. (Rather than everyone buying the same small box of Lego and them ending up with duplicates). However, a few weeks ago, ds had a party and got a couple of £10s and a gift card for £15. I think I might have to up my going rate a bit after that.
Dds bff spent about £40 on her for her 10th birthday. I was a bit embarrassed actually as there was a £10 note in the parcel too and I just thought it was OTT. When it was her birthday my dd wanted to spend similar and I had to say no. I didn't spend that much on her sister last birthday so no way on a friend.
I think between £5 and £10 is fine where we live. In no way should the amount of present relate to the expense of party. That seems wrong on a few levels to me.

OP, good post! We all think the same so just ignore the posters giving you shit!

I put £10 in card for classmates, I have a friend who spends loads on my kids (all 4 of them) and it just embarrasses me as I can't match it. I have now agreed with most people to stop buying Xmas presents as it just gets out of hand.

Lalunya, I think that is miserable too.

Mine are teens but I used to spend £5 when they were young, sometimes a bit more. Now it's £10 and they put extra in themselves for a special friend.

I have given presents that were probably cheaper than those they received back in the party bag. But now me and my children are much older, can any of us remember who gave who what?

I can see where you are coming fromOP - it is not about the cost of the gift as such but if the gift falls apart/ does not work then then it is disappointing for the birthday child.
I used to spend £8 to £10 , bit more for very close friends and would try and buy things in the sales so I could give some nice quality eg purse and pretty flower clips from Monsoon pretty necklace, toys reduced in January sales. I was not so good at boys' toys so tended to ask
Can remember DD mostly being happy to receive any gift but she was given a used, stained fabric bag and a used Tesco paint your own plate and mug set with bits missing and a jewellery box with a broken lock - they stick out cos she was so disappointed & puzzled .
Now she is a teen and spends £10 to £15

I find this thread really depressing. I didn't realise that parents of birthday boys/girls looked through their offspring's haul and assessed the gifts, ascribing monetary value to them. I could never afford much, but always put a lot of thought into gifts, trying to get something unique. Am I naïve?

No, you're not naive. Everyone i know thinks the same as you, don't worry.

Some really depressing attitudes on this thread. It's as if children's parties have gone the way of weddings ('recoup what you spent' - horrible).

Cripes, I'd no idea parents evaluated pressies! We don't in this house. I have no spare cash at all, we're at the 8 year old stage of birthdays so I either put £8 cash in a card (used to be a fiver!) or spend around the same with a supermarket/wilkos type gift. At the moment, all the girls seem to have long hair and love DD's hair bobbles that I got from Clares, so I've stocked up on a stack of them (£3.99 for 4) and give two packs each time. They go down a treat.

Even if I could, I wouldn't spend more than this and I'd really hope that parents were the same when buying for DD.

To the poster who said I was rude, I don't think I was. I think rude is calling someone's present cheap tat.

to be honest if someone came to my sons party with huge gift or something from the pound shop infact if they coud,nt afford anything i would not care a party is for your child to enjoy the day with there friends not for the adults to comment on who gave what .why are some folk so grabby .if you think well i have spent £10 on there child to come to this party i better get a gift of equal amount thats sad .

£5-6 for classmates and about £10 for friends. money is very tight though. Could not spend a tenner on every classmates.

Wish I hadn't read this thread. I spend £5-£7 for general friends and £10 for special friends, often buy books, & sometimes regift.

We live in a ridiculously affluent area, but we earn maybe under 5% of what our neighbours do: my DH is a vicar & I work pt.

The parties DD goes to are v often insanely lavish affairs, and I struggle not to feel ashamed when I see the BAGS of presents the other guests bring - all in designer bags etc. I'm now worried that these parents are judging me (especially re comments up thread about 2 hair clips- which I have bought occasionally if I see nice ones) But I remind myself not to care, because possessions doesn't matter. These children have so much more than they know what to do with & competitive buying is so pointless and damaging (even if you have the money-there's ethical issues about fuelling poor labour conditions, where these toys are produced, contributing to landfill, also giving children the impression that accumulating more stuff is important).

I obviously have more feelings than I realised about this .

Can honestly say it never occurred to me that the present should be equivalent in cost to what the parents were spending on the party! £5-10 usually. If you have a class of 30 and many have soft play type parties where the whole class are invited, spending more than that starts getting pricey.

£10-20, more if it's a close friend. I always try and get something useful or personalised, clothing eg pjs, tops etc. They get loads of toys so try and get something different to toys each time.

kohl, you are absolutely right. I've had parties for my DC and its because they want to celebrate with their friends and have all the fun of the party itself - balloons, party games, cake, party food. If you're only looking at what you'll get in return, well then perhaps don't spend so much on the party in the first place, it is possible to have a children's party on the cheap. And then you could spend more on your dc's gifts if that's what's important to you.

Kohl - my DD would have been delighted to receive 2 hair-clips!
The disappointment has come when she received used/ broken and incomplete (even dirty) items as gifts so not judging the spend just surprised at the condition.
Never had a whole class party here but DD has been invited to a couple stipulating please no gifts.

I spend £5-10, but I try to get better value for money by buying in the sales, to add to the present box, so DS can pick out something he thinks his friend will like. I didn't do this to start, so was wasting money on Amazon paying for fast postage...

I might increase the amount for a close friend, but given that DS is still opening things from his birthday in March, I really wouldn't be bothered if DS got a lot less presents, or a few that broke quickly and easily, to have less toot around the house...

If I choose to do a party for my children, I pick the thing I want them to do (that I hope they would enjoy), if I picked something grand and expensive, I would not expect guests to have to up their present budget to match... Likewise, I give the same gift whether it's in the back garden or at a soft play...

Around £5 but always search for sales and stockpile so the average value of the gift is £10-15.

Kohl - I realise I am lucky to live in the community where I live when I see posts like yours. Parties here were usually as cheap and simple as parents could make them, and everyone reused gift bags (we got ours back a few times ).

Mine always loved hair things, and also inexpensive little bottles of nail polish, the glitterier the better, and they weren't the only ones.

I generally stock up on books and age appropriate toys when I find them on sale and have a stock from which to draw. The gift is always one book and a toy, it usually works out to about £5 but it is worth more because of the sale prices.

Interesting post, I usually spend £10-£15, but try to get value by getting things on offer, too :) Though the price might change now my DS started school if there is an influx of invitations.
Generally, I don't care about the price of the gifts for my DC and if I see something perfect to give for £5 I don't see anything wrong with getting it.
Anyway, generally for our parties, I make list of cheaper items and more expensive ones that people can contribute to, so everyone has options

We're not particularly poor, not particularly rich either but £20 would cripple us. Could two average earning parents (gross income £52k per year with average being around £26) with three primary school aged children really afford that? If each child has 7 parties a year, that's £420 per year on presents for other children. I need a lie down!

It's not normal for parents throwing parties to provide gift lists for classmates parents IME.

(Unless maybe they do and I've inadvertently been horribly rude to not ask for the gift list?)

I've never heard of that either MrsJoey. I'd be if I were given one and probably wouldn't send DCs to the part at all!