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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to ask how much you spend on birthday gifts for your DC's friends?

206 replies

wheresmyfairygodmother · 09/09/2016 22:17

Talking about their general classmates.

I used to spend roughly the equivalent of what they'd spent on inviting my child to the party, eg. for a soft play party I'd spend around £10.

Then my DC had a soft party and I couldn't believe the cheap tat some parents gifted! Have been unsure of etiquette ever since. I am constantly working to a budget so don't want to overspend, but I'm also curious what's the norm Grin

OP posts:
3luckystars · 10/09/2016 17:37

Although my good friend gave ds a top for his birthday that was so lovely, I went to get him another one and it was €58! I was totally shocked she spent that much, way way too much.

I think €15 to €20 is about average.

JasperDamerel · 10/09/2016 17:38

I look out for bargains during the year, and try to get something good for under £7. My best bargain was a lot of Roald Dahl Revolting Recipes books for £3 each on the bargain shelf in Lakeland! We kept one and gave the rest away.

iMogster · 10/09/2016 17:41

I have a box of bargains that I have bought in sales, for classmates that I don't really know. I spend about £7- £9 including card factory card.

For close friends whom I know much more, I buy something I think they will like and spend about £12- £15 plus nice card.

I don't take into consideration whether it is an expensive party or not.

Thissideof40 · 10/09/2016 17:48

I'm a skinflint and only spend a fiver maybe a pound of two more. But it has to look decent. I won't buy things that look like cheep tat though. I normally go for crafty stuff so I can get away with paying that much. The Entertsiner and Sainsburys are normally good for that sort of thing.

Sara107 · 10/09/2016 17:53

I would aim for about £10, but sometimes would go a £ or 2 more. Usually hope to be able to get something appropriate reduced in price! I always buy for the particular child though, we don't keep a generic present drawer which I've seen described on MN before. Referring to gifts as plastic tat is a bit inflammatory, and you don't know everybody's circumstances but actually I agree that some people are less than generous! For dD's last birthday we had one gift that looked like something picked up at a jumble sale (some sort of craft kit, grubby and battered and for age 3, dD was 6) and a 'regift' that we had given the other child a couple of months previously! Neither family short of cash. It's not really how much the thing costs anyway, but the thought that s seems to have gone into it and I think that was why those two gifts felt a bit shit!

fluffypacman · 10/09/2016 17:56

Aim for around £7 but somewhere between £5-10 depending on the closeness of friendship. Venue has no bearing on what I spend.

LunaLoveg00d · 10/09/2016 18:15

Yes you are being unreasonable to ask because everyone has different budgets and different expectations.

It's not a bloody competition.

CoconutAndVanilla · 10/09/2016 18:30

LunaLoveg00d

Glad you've said that, people here think I'm over generous, but in reality I'm not.

Spice22 · 10/09/2016 18:44

falange I would honk you were very rude to be honest. Does it make you uncomfortable that people have different budgets?

OP I agree with u - cheap tat just messes the house l. Might aswell get nothing.

nogrip · 10/09/2016 19:22

The poster who gives every kid £40 cash is weird

Clearly never having a party for her child means she has no grip on party etiquette, esp being so ridiculously out of kilt with all the other posters on this thread

CoconutAndVanilla · 10/09/2016 19:41

nogrip

Strange because I feel no way in putting £40 in a card for a child??

You've never met me but yet you are calling me weird, I guess you feel good within yourself now you've dished out that insult.

Clearly never having a party for her child means she has no grip on party etiquette

It is his choice in not having a party, but he doesn't miss out, I always spend the amount of money on him that I would spend on a partying including gifts.

MuffyTheUmpireSlayer · 10/09/2016 19:44

About £5-£8. I do sometimes regift things where possible Blush

Jane2406 · 10/09/2016 19:53

dd is only 3 but I've been amazed at the generosity at each of her parties. She's not been to many but Smyths do 2 for £15 so I'll buy one for the party & another for the present box at home. Book people do fab packs of activity books so I usually throw in one of them, all in probably around £10. I buy blank cards & get her to make one for the birthday child, it entertains her for a while & it feels a bit more personal.

Pjsofpurple · 10/09/2016 19:59

falange - you being offended at the use of the word "gifted" is quite amusing...Have you ever googled the word "falange"? oh, yes, it was THE fascist party in Spain...

I am sure, however, you weren't meaning to offend anyone. Just like the OP- just a mum juggling a budget trying to get it right.

I spend between £5 - £10

scottishegg · 10/09/2016 20:08

I almost sense that there is an air of competition with some people regarding gifts! I would be happy if my kids got a box of maltesers I certainly wouldn't expect lavish expensive gifts! I have 4 children, have had quite a few parties in my time and never had a present worth more then a tenner I don't think ! I also wouldn't spend more than my usual £7/10 regardless! Just think 30 kids in a class at a tenner each is £300!!!x 4 in my case Is £1200 ( obviously it's unlikely that all of the kids would have parties but still!

JockMonsieur · 10/09/2016 20:10

£10 upper limit.
if I'm in town and have a range of shops then I can usually get something decent for £7-8.
if I've forgotten and I'm grabbing something at Big Sainsburys on the way back from work on a Friday night, then usually a tenner, as my money doesn't seem to go as far there.

my DC have enjoyed some expensive-looking presents, but have been equally thrilled by some cheaper things like good-quality felt-tips, or cute hair slides.

eyebrowsonfleek · 10/09/2016 20:24

£5-£10 depending on how close they are to my child.

Winemamma · 10/09/2016 20:29

Generally about £10 but less if I can get something on offer, so maybe £7/8 if I'm lucky.

To all those on here who are all 'it's all about the children's happiness and nothing to do with the presents' blah blah blah screw off! No one needs to be patronised about what makes a child happy, but it's not about that, I know that the general going rate, around here, at children's parties is about £10 a present so I'm going to stick in line with that. To me it's about showing a bit of solidarity with mums, not about showing off or being a cheap twat, just that we all have an unsaid agreement about what is about right as a kids present.

hels71 · 10/09/2016 20:34

£5 for just a general class friend. £10 for a special friend. And if people don't like it tough!!

CoconutAndVanilla · 10/09/2016 20:37

I almost sense that there is an air of competition with some people regarding gifts!

I don't understand how I can be in competition with anyone by saying I feel no way by putting £40 in a childs card.

I'm going to take this thread out of my I'm on list.

multivac · 10/09/2016 20:37

So all the mums (obviously, dads have nothing whatsoever to do with this) round your way have similar budgets for present buying, wine?

I love your outrage that it might be about 'what makes the children happy', rather than 'solidarity' with half the parents. Go, sister!

walkingtheplank · 10/09/2016 20:45

I usually spend around £10 which seems to be the going rate. DS went to a party today. I only spent £8 as that's the value of the gift I liked. I tried to find a smaller gift to top it up.

Our children have received presents up to £25 in cash and as low as £3.50 from Tiger. The latter was one of DS's favourites as it happens.

Glitterspy · 10/09/2016 20:54

I spend £10 plus card, wrapped and often in a present bag (which I admit I do often recycle!). This is a really useful thread good idea OP!

TowerRingInferno · 10/09/2016 21:03

£8-10 standard rate
£20 for a couple of special friends whose mums are also good friends

bumblingmum · 10/09/2016 21:11

I usually spend £5 to £10. £5 for whole class parties or I dont know the child. £10 for kids we've known a while and are in the particular friend group. More for a best friend.