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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to send 1 DC to private school, but not the other?

145 replies

DadOfTheYear · 09/09/2016 19:43

DS1 goes to a state school. He is very happy, we couldn't really afford private school when he started school, so decided against it. Things have changed now... DS2 is 3, will be starting school relatively soon, we like one of the private schools, would we BU to send him to one, but not our other son?

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 09/09/2016 19:44

How old is ds1?

emilywemily · 09/09/2016 19:44

Unless you're going to give your older son a private education as well now then yes YABVU

StealthPolarBear · 09/09/2016 19:44

I don't agree!

parrots · 09/09/2016 19:46

YANBU, if your older dc is happy where he is, there is no need to move him. I have experience of both sectors (both myself as a child and with my dc) and private isn't necessarily better. The most important thing is to find the right school for each child.

PhilomenaFlump · 09/09/2016 19:47

Could you offer to switch DS1 at the next entry point 7+, 11+ etc? If so then I don't see why your youngest shouldn't start at a private school.

Original poster
DadOfTheYear · 09/09/2016 19:51

DS1 is 8, he is very happy where he is, I don't think he gets the whole idea that there is different schools, he would definitely say no to moving though

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 09/09/2016 19:52

Would they go to the same secondary?

WhisperingLoudly · 09/09/2016 19:52

Depends on the age of DC1 but I think I'd still struggle with the idea that I'd somehow done DC1 a disservice.

GoldFishFingerz · 09/09/2016 19:52

Do state for primary and then send both public for secondary.

Rumpelstiltskin143 · 09/09/2016 19:53

What 3 year old needs to go to private school? Good grief.

GoldFishFingerz · 09/09/2016 19:53

Or send Both boys private aged 10/11

Original poster
DadOfTheYear · 09/09/2016 19:55

Well, he would be 4 and because it's a much better school imo, and I know DS2 would get on better there.

Yes, they would go to the same secondary (a state one)

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 09/09/2016 19:56

Fine imo.

splendidglenda · 09/09/2016 19:56

I agree with Gold

Kr1stina · 09/09/2016 19:56

Why woudl you do this? If you are happy with the first school and it provides a good education, why wouldn't you send your younger child there?

If it's not a good school, why woudl you leave your older one there ?

Unless there is some special needs issue that you are not telling up about .

The private / state element is irrelevant .

Middleoftheroad · 09/09/2016 19:57

He may not mind now but what about in years to come?
I agree about waiting until secondary as IMO 3 year olds don't need private school.

Original poster
DadOfTheYear · 09/09/2016 19:58

Kr1stina, I am happy with the school that ds1 is at, but I do think the private one is better, for a couple of reasons. However, I wouldn't move ds as he is so happy at his school and has lots of friends there.

OP posts:
Chikara · 09/09/2016 19:58

The underlying assumption is that private is better.

I think it often is but that is a sad reflection of or education system.

Oddly enough kids at private school often have less per pupil spent on them than kids at state school.

Hedgehog80 · 09/09/2016 19:59

We have 1 dc at private and 3 at state. We just made the decision based on the needs of each dc and will do the same with each if they need to change or when making secondary school choices

IzzyIsBusy · 09/09/2016 20:01

You may think DS1 wont care but he may do later on in life.
You value one childs education over the other. Nice.

Send them both to a private secondary school that would be fair.

Couchpotato3 · 09/09/2016 20:01

If your first child is happy there, why not send your younger one to the same school too and see how he gets on? You could put the money aside to save for secondary for both. I don't think it's fair to treat them differently unless there is a compelling reason why different schools would suit them better.

Biffsboys · 09/09/2016 20:02

If ds1 is happy there , won't ds2 be happy there too ?

Nightmanagerfan · 09/09/2016 20:02

If it were just for primary I think it would be ok, but bear in mind that your son may want to move on to the school his classmates are going to which is more likely to be private if the primary is.

My major concern would be about perception when they are both adults - i know two friends whose parents sent their sibling to private school and not them, and both have huge resentment/inferiority towards their parents because of it. The explanations they have been given (no good boys school nearby etc) haven't helped as ultimately they feel that their sibling was somehow favoured by having an expensive education.

Original poster
DadOfTheYear · 09/09/2016 20:04

ds1 is very outgoing and isn't shy to put his ideas forward and never has been, I prefer the system at the private school for the way they deal with children who are a bit more shy and prefer to stand back, it's a better school for children who need to be brought out of their shells

OP posts:
BeMorePanda · 09/09/2016 20:05

I could never do that. Potentially a massive lifelong can of worms.