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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to send 1 DC to private school, but not the other?

145 replies

DadOfTheYear · 09/09/2016 19:43

DS1 goes to a state school. He is very happy, we couldn't really afford private school when he started school, so decided against it. Things have changed now... DS2 is 3, will be starting school relatively soon, we like one of the private schools, would we BU to send him to one, but not our other son?

OP posts:
IzzyIsBusy · 09/09/2016 20:06

You have already decided DS2 is going therefore showing who you favour so why bother asking on here?

IzzyIsBusy · 09/09/2016 20:07

Oh and i not sure DS1 would agree with your username in years to come Hmm

Original poster
DadOfTheYear · 09/09/2016 20:08

IzzyIsBusy, yeah, of course I prefer DS2, obviously... Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
DadOfTheYear · 09/09/2016 20:10

IzzyIsBusy, why are you being such an arse!? You have no idea what my relationship is like with my 2 boys

OP posts:
IzzyIsBusy · 09/09/2016 20:10

I am afraid it is a big possibility your DS1 will think that.

NavyandWhite · 09/09/2016 20:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bumsexatthebingo · 09/09/2016 20:12

Does he not want to go to school with his brother? If the school your eldest is going to was good enough for him I would send them to the same one.

Original poster
DadOfTheYear · 09/09/2016 20:12

No, the school is good enough for both of them, if I hadn't have gotten the money, he would be going there too! If ds wanted to move, he could move to the private, be he is settled.

OP posts:
IzzyIsBusy · 09/09/2016 20:12

You want to send one in to expensive private education while the other is left at state school and you dont think DS1 will see anything wrong in that?

He may not do at the moment but he probably will years down the line.
Why run that risk just for private primary education? Is it really worth it?

emilywemily · 09/09/2016 20:14

dS1 may not understand now but he will when he is older and how pissed off do you think he is going to be when he realises his younger brother got a better chance at education than him?

NavyandWhite · 09/09/2016 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NavyandWhite · 09/09/2016 20:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
DadOfTheYear · 09/09/2016 20:16

Why do people assume private is better? Hmm there are some really shit private schools around and some amazing state ones. Obviously I looked at what was best for my child at the time, with what we had and I was just doing the same for ds2 now the best option is this one private school.

OP posts:
kookiekookie · 09/09/2016 20:16

Don't bother with private at primary. Oh and when they're older, they WILL know! My husband went to an excellent grammar and his brother didn't get in. I feel their parents should have put my bil in a private school not the local state. There is a huge difference in their lives.

NavyandWhite · 09/09/2016 20:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chocolateteabag · 09/09/2016 20:18

DS1 won't care now but oh will he care in the future. It will be the reason for any real/perceived difference in DS1 & DS2's future fortunes and could really damage their future friendship. DON't DO It!

I speak from experience BTW - I was sent to boarding school aged 11 as an elderly relation decided to pay for me. Eldest of 4 and none of my siblings went. It's only been in the past 10 years since DH came on the scene that my relationship with my nearest in age sibling has recovered.
My siblings still see me as my parents favorite - when the reality was for them that they got one child out of the way in a small house and had more time/energy for the other 3.

Slightly different to your situation I admit but please don't do it.

Also - why send DS2 to a private primary and not a private secondary? Or is the secondary a very good one? I would have thought you need the private schooling more once you get past 11?

kookiekookie · 09/09/2016 20:18

Who?

helenatroy · 09/09/2016 20:18

I wouldn't personally. Project yourself a few years forward whether dc 1 is happy at school or not it could be interpreted as favouritism.

Couchpotato3 · 09/09/2016 20:19

How do you know that the state school wouldn't be able to deal with shy DS2 effectively?
How do you know that DS1 wouldn't be better off in the private school?

This is potentially very very divisive for your family. An 8 year old can't make an informed decision about something like this - of course he is going to want to stay with his friends. If you think the private school is better, move him and send DS2, but don't send one and not the other. It's asking for trouble.

NavyandWhite · 09/09/2016 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hedgehog80 · 09/09/2016 20:19

Exactly dadoftheyear

The school our 3 dcs go to is far superior in many ways to the local private equivalent
For dd1 we chose a school suited to her needs. It just happened to be private. Different dc, different needs, different schools. Who knows all four may end up in different schools a mix of state and private or all private/state

Mosseywossey · 09/09/2016 20:19

As someone whose sister went to private school and me and my old brother didn't (I'm the middle). I think it's unfair, when I was younger I didn't think much about it but now I'm a little resentful, it's caused a few spats with my mum. I would say treat both them equally! If your not going to spend both don't send any of them!

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 09/09/2016 20:19

Maybe it won't matter now but it might in years to come if one feels the other was given different opportunities. I would be concerned about the sibling relationship in the future.

scaryteacher · 09/09/2016 20:20

Fwiw, I went to comp because I wanted to, and was with my friends, whilst my brother went to boarding school. I didn't want to go to board, and was very clear about that to Mum.

I can't say that it ruined my relationship with my db, and I certainly don't resent that he went and I didn't. There were valid reasons for doing it.

I got better O and A levels, and a degree. he dropped A levels, and didn't go to uni. Go figure!

bumsexatthebingo · 09/09/2016 20:20

If you give your older child the option to move if they want to and your youngest wants to go to a different school then I don't see a problem.