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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel emotionally blackmailed by School ?

207 replies

spornersunited · 09/09/2016 19:11

DS has just started YR2 (so age 6).

By the time we all walk through the door at 5.45 every evening DS is hungry, tired, and whining (he's up at 6am)

Todays letter home stated that there will be a weekly spelling test and spellings should be practiced and recorded in his spelling record book every day and signed by a parent apparently if this home work isn't completed they will loose 'golden time' and made to do the practice then.

Whilst I fully support the school and my child's education there will be days that trying to do battle and force a tired whiny 6 year old to do spellings will be counter productive.

To put it into perspective both me and DP work full time don't get home until 5.45 pm which then only leaves 1 hour and 15 mins to get evening meal cooked & eaten , DS bathed ,teeth cleaned, story hear about his day etc before he settles down to sleep at 7 pm.

AIBU to think that the threat of my child being effectively singled out and punished if I don't facilitate this home work every single day (for the reasons stated above) is emotional blackmail ?

OP posts:
TheFear · 10/09/2016 00:38

You haven't answered the various questions about why whoever has him after school can't do then, why one parent can't do it while the other does dinner, why you can't skip bath time and do homework etc.
Also I think you must have misread it, if not just do the spellings once each daily, not 5 times for all ten words. It won't kill you.

MindSweeper · 10/09/2016 00:39

^Look. We all have to go through this. All of us

It's a parents job

Just get on with it like the rest of us have to?^

Actually no we don't. Not all schools do this. And why on earth should we not question something that is completely ridiculous.

8:30 - 3:30 - finish school
3:30 - 5 - afterschool club ends
5- 6:30 - travel and dinner done
6:30 - 7:00 - bath
7.00 - 8.00 - have had a chat with family and maybe a play
8 - bedtime

average kids day. There's absolutely no need for them to be doing 50 words of homework on top of what theyve already done at school. They've been there for hours, they need some downtime just like us adults do, in fact more. They deserve family time. Their brains need time to process all what they've learned and done in the day to enable them to have a decent sleep.

I don't know why people think we should just have to accept this ridiculous jumping through hoops homework.

CrowLeftOfTheMurder · 10/09/2016 00:41

Let's remember this is a 6 year old. Yanbu, it's too much! I am fortunate enough that my work fits around school so am always there for when our 5yr old DD finishes school. It's after 3.30 when we get home and all she wants to do is chill after being up at 7 and school for 8am. Think how most of us feel coming home to housework, cooking etc straight after a day at work and try to rationalise that to a small child! I don't agree with homework for infant school and think it's far too much pressure too young :( if you factor in the odd after school club and then homework on top of that we're expecting very young children to put in 8+ hour days then tea, bath and off to sleep. Just to do it all again.... 5 days in a row... too much imo! I agree with those who have said people do it, lots of people do, but think about it, it's pretty fucking depressing :(

WombOfOnesOwn · 10/09/2016 00:45

Oooh! Read Alfie Kohn's books about homework, ESPECIALLY The Homework Myth. Have a talk with this teacher about the fact that all research indicates homework for this age of student, especially daily homework, is developmentally inappropriate and damaging to curiosity and later ability to learn.

IAmNotAWitch · 10/09/2016 00:46

The lesson my kids have learned from homework is that sometimes you do stupid pointless shit to shut people up and tick the box.

A valuable lesson for the world of work I feel. Grin

PurpleTango · 10/09/2016 00:49

250 new words a week - for a 6 year old!?? Absolutely ridiculous! And even more ridiculous to punish a child by losing Golden Time for something that is supposed to be done out of the school environment. If your DS had 10 spellings a week to learn I would say that would be reasonable and possible for any family. OP - YANBU. I wouldn't have thought any 6 year old would be up for learning and writing 250 new words a week. Whatever happened to time to play and time to rest?

I have 5 children. Apart from bringing their reading book home and having the occasional words to learn before a spelling test they had no other homework throughout Primary school until year 6. They can all spell.

I am, frankly, gobsmacked that so much is being put on a young child's shoulders and for no good reason. What 6 year old needs to learn to spell 250 new words every week!?? Please tell me I have misread your post!!

Canyouforgiveher · 10/09/2016 00:51

Off topic but I am curious too about the fixation with spellings (it is universal). Does anyone really think our children are going to go into a world in which they will need to know how to spell all the difficult words. They will be doing most of their writing on computers with spellcheck. I just can't see it as a really useful skill.

ColaSpangles · 10/09/2016 00:59

I agree with those who are saying pressure on such young children is counter productive. My DD always got stuff done really well in primary, but my young-in-year DS struggled mightily and was always being kept in at break (great way to "punish" hyperactive little boys). He got really upset all the time and began to believe the culture that seemed to imply he wasn't bright. Then he started secondary and was reassessed. They obviously took no notice of his fairly damning primary reports and results and set him and all the others their own secondary style tests. My son is in set 1 or 2 out of 5 sets in every subject. He now likes learning. The system is very flawed at primary IMO, not fault of teachers who are under huge pressure. IME, just make sure you reassure your child that primary results do not affect secondary and it's the school's ratings that are under pressure, not him as a person.

MommaGee · 10/09/2016 01:44

Canyou we all might have spellcheck (except on MN!!) but it takes twice as long to go back tbrough an article correctong the spellings than to juat type it correctly surely? And if you can't spell you may correct it to the wrong word meaning the comprehension will be affected.

OP who has your xhild before and after school? Do they go to after school clubs? I would be asking them to do it with a tome limit. If tbey jave to write 10 words 5 times get them to do each word once, then a second time, then a third... at the end of the set time stop. If they can do it flr 15 mins in the morning and 15 on the evening then sign it off stating there was no more time

Canyouforgiveher · 10/09/2016 02:32

Canyou we all might have spellcheck (except on MN!!) but it takes twice as long to go back tbrough an article correctong the spellings than to juat type it correctly surely? And if you can't spell you may correct it to the wrong word meaning the comprehension will be affected.

Fair enough but I just notice that spellings are a huge thing in teaching small children (had 3 of them go through it) and I wonder if there is any evidence that it helps children learn/develop etc. I can instinctively see the benefit of learning math facts/times tables and reading but really don't see the benefits of spelling. I wonder if there is really a connection between learning to spell and good reading comprehension. If a 6 year old is going to miss his bath, miss sitting with parents cooking dinner, or miss playing for 30 minutes for it, I'd like to think there was some serious evidence that it mattered.

Tink06 · 10/09/2016 03:39

Yanbu. I think kids get far too much homework at primary school. Its also really unfair to lose golden time ( or give rewards) to those who do it. Have a word with the teacher.

MetalPetal86 · 10/09/2016 04:16

As far as I am aware there is no proven link between homework at primary age and higher attainment. Imo spellings every evening is too much. Much better to read with him. My son (same age) struggles to write his spellings once a week; I am an English teacher and completely unconcerned. The ability to learn spellings is important but other things (talking about your day together/reading) are much more important in fostering a interest in the world, learning and modes of communication. All Imo of course.

MetalPetal86 · 10/09/2016 04:18

An interest in the world. I ought not to post at 4.30 am.

NightCzar · 10/09/2016 05:19

Are you really, really sure, OP, that it's not that he should write the 10 words once a night, so a list of 10 words, written out 5 times over the week?

If it's 50 words a night then you won't be the only parent up in arms. We are home from school by 3.30pm and I wouldn't find time for that.

Whatever the outcome, I'd also ask for the next week's words on a Friday. Then he can at least get two days' worth out of the way.

MapleandPear · 10/09/2016 05:33

I'd be having serious words with the school, OP, that kind of pressure is ridiculous for a six year old. I'd also write a note in the homework book to say that you will try to practise the spellings with him twice a week but any more than that is putting undue pressure on your son and family life and is entirely counterproductive.

Also what about fitting in reading to him/hearing him read? That can be hard enough- we were only able to hear DDs read two or three times a week at that age (though they had bedtime stories since being tiny babies), and they are doing very well at school in KS2/KS3.

Tuktuktaker · 10/09/2016 06:08

It's 10 words written out 5 times each night.
Otherwise, I join the chorus of those who believe homework for 6 year olds is counter-productive, unless to get children used to the burden of homework in secondary - but the last couple of years of primary should be when children are eased gently into the world of homework. (Not a professional, just a mother!)

NapQueen · 10/09/2016 06:13

Four pages in OP and you have yet to address the numerous suggestions that whoever provides the wrap around care could support with this.

And repeatedly saying "it's 50 words" just makes you sound melodramatic. It's 5 a day. Nice easy biteseized chunks.

It really isn't schools problem that you have a lifestyle which forces your kids out the door at 7.20am and home by 6pm. How will this work when he is in y6 or starting secondary school and has actual hours of homework?

BoffinMum · 10/09/2016 06:14

Actually this needs raising with the school. The policy is draconian, not evidence based st all, punishing children for homework infractions at 6 is ill advised, and are you even sure the HT and governors are aware of what is going on?

Where did the teacher train?

BoffinMum · 10/09/2016 06:15

NapQueen, the school is asking the OP to organise her family's life during the week around a daily piece of 'busywork' which is educationally unsound. I think she is right to protest.

cansu · 10/09/2016 06:25

I think I would be tempted to go into school and discuss it then. Say nicely that you are unable to complete the book of spellings as your ds is too tired after such a long day. Promise to practise the spellings on the weekend and when you can during the week. If necessary make your own little record book up where you write in the day and leave space for the practice. Make it clear that this is your decision and that you do not want your ds being punished via golden time.

Trifleorbust · 10/09/2016 06:56

Questioning whether being able to spell is important at all is, to be honest, pretty facile. Why not throw all knowledge out of the window and just plug yourself into your smartphone? Jesus. Not being able to spell will make your child a) fail their exams b) feel stupid c( look stupid. By all means question the frequency of the homework, but if they can't spell most common words by Y6, their education has been severely compromised. Those parents who 'don't bother' with homework should be checking that they are right when they say their child is ahead and so it doesn't matter

IAmALeafOnTheWindWatchHowISoar · 10/09/2016 06:56

Napqueen it's not just five a day. The OP is saying it is ten spellings written In the spelling book five times each day. To be signed off by the parent each day.

OP I feel for you, that is a stupid amount of homework and very counter productive.

Sootica · 10/09/2016 07:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PlaymobilPirate · 10/09/2016 07:22

You're making a bigger deal out of it than needs be. It's 10 a night, not 50

Lots of people have said that whoever has him after school can help him. You're ignoring that / not saying who has him

It's really not that big a deal

I think losing golden time is shite so I'd challenge that but if he has homework you need to put some effort into arranging him doing it

Shakey15000 · 10/09/2016 07:38

YANBU about the level of homework at that age. Or the "punishment". I'd speak to the school.

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