AIBU to feel emotionally blackmailed by School ?

[spornersunited]

DS has just started YR2 (so age 6).

By the time we all walk through the door at 5.45 every evening DS is hungry, tired, and whining (he's up at 6am)

Todays letter home stated that there will be a weekly spelling test and spellings should be practiced and recorded in his spelling record book every day and signed by a parent apparently if this home work isn't completed they will loose 'golden time' and made to do the practice then.

Whilst I fully support the school and my child's education there will be days that trying to do battle and force a tired whiny 6 year old to do spellings will be counter productive.

To put it into perspective both me and DP work full time don't get home until 5.45 pm which then only leaves 1 hour and 15 mins to get evening meal cooked & eaten , DS bathed ,teeth cleaned, story hear about his day etc before he settles down to sleep at 7 pm.

AIBU to think that the threat of my child being effectively singled out and punished if I don't facilitate this home work every single day (for the reasons stated above) is emotional blackmail ?

BodsAuntieFlo I've changed it for you 😄 Not sure why it makes me more credible though?

Yes I give homework to all children and if I don't get it back I speak to the family. If they are finding it difficult to complete for whatever reason I try to support them but ultimately they can only do their best in their circumstances. It's not the child's fault and certainly isn't worth stressing out families for. Every family is different and for many building trust and a positive relationship with the school is far more important for a child than any homework.

Yanbu your school sounds intense. This is putting way too much pressure on young children and causing tension in the family. Sign the book my dear, play the game but live your life in a way that keeps your family happy. Tests schmests.

And fwiw I do agree it's emotional blackmail. A 6 yo is not responsible for their homework, the parent is. A child will get punished for the parents decision. How is it fair or right or acceptable that kids from potentially vulnerable back grounds will be punished for having parents who won't/can't engage with their basic needs let alone do homework with them. What possible advantage does punishing disadvantaged kids have?

I was lucky to get any sense out of my 6 yo after school because she was tired let alone do spellings every night. Ours get homework once a wk (evn in yr 6!) and we're asked to read as often as possible.

Surely it is no real hardship to run through them every day on the journey to school, cooking tea etc.. With my DD after having looked at them a few times, I knew list and could do this driving to school, whilst she was in the bath etc without the list. Also, I wouldn't have hesitated to write in the book that we had practiced it even if she hadn't, if her golden time was dependent on it! My DS has just gone in to yr 1 so have got all this to come again!

I think you should talk to the school.

My ds is in year 2 and 6 and I would be livid if he were having to Do this every night. We read with each other before bed, do homework once a week for about 40 mins. That's enough.

Our school did away with spelling tests about 5 years ago (when dd was in year 2). We had a fantastic new head who took (takes) the view that some people a naturally great at spelling and will always ace spelling tests. Some people struggle. It will do the strugglers no good whatsoever to feel like crap every week when they don't do well in the test, and it's been shown that rote learning spellings out of context has little benefit in terms of long term retention - there are other ways of learning , most effectively by reading lots and writing trickier words in sentences.

No axe to grind with regards to testing - my kids are good at spelling. Lucky them. But good or bad at spelling, either way the practice described by the op is either going to be mind numbingly boring or a total literacy turn off.

I'm not so bothered by the potential for just going through 5/10 spellings out loud. Paying lip service. But having to repeatedly write them out is just a waste of time and so very dull.

OP what do you think would be the best way for your DS to learn his spellings?

I would do what you need to do to help your DS to learn them, but completely agree that making a 6 year old write 10 spellings every night might be counter productive.

It's the outcome that matters. Not the process.

Happy to be corrected, but I think OP said they had to be written every night - each one x5.

My nearly 9yo has to do that much spelling practise a week! YANBU OP. Regardless of time pressure that is too much. I would have a chat to the school though and explain your predicament re him having to get up early and being home late and your concern that he will end up going to bed late and overtired with a knock on effect on his behaviour at school if he has to do this homework every night. I think that will go down better than pointing out that it is a frankly ridiculous amount of homework for a 6yo regardless which it is . Does he have reading to do each night as well?

Couch potato makes a good point op. It's all your fault with your ridiculous 'lifestyle'. You or your dh need to give up work so you have more time before and after school to drill spellings into your 6 year old. You can't possibly believe keeping him fed and housed is more important than getting good levels on his sats. Where are your priorities?

This, with bells on.

So many preachy, sanctimonious posters taking the opportunity to have a dig at WOHM on this thread.

YANBU

Yes, you could cram the daily spelling test into some of his precious free minutes, I'm sure that'll result in him just loving his spelling homework, no daily battles brewing there then

I'd talk to the teacher. It's too much too young imo.

Every day is too much IMO. Don't they realise kids do other things after school like swimming, cub scouts, dance etc

I recall quite a few parents complained about this daily homrwork submission when my DD was in year and the teacher adjusted it. There's more to life and education than daily homework.

The teacher didn't seem to realise that kids actually had extra curricular activities, but she was an NQT with no DC of her own.

I did the spellings in time for the test.

I thought everyone did it like I did! Do it a couple of times and just fill in the book with several days worth...

OP is your DS getting 10 different words a night to be written out 5 times? If so, this is very extreme for a 6 year old.

Wel if you absolutely can't do it, talk to the school.
I would try doing 10 mins in morning.
Or give kids a snack type tea e.g bans on toast whilst ypu do spellings with them and you and dh eat later.
So arrive home 5.45
Spellings
Kids tea 6.15
One parent start cooking adult dinner other does bedtime
7.30pm adult dinner

We don't eat till 9 as dh doesn't get in till 7.30 and he cooks!

As I said I wouldn't take golden time away for this. It is precious and as a previous pupil of mine said, no-one holds a candle to Mrs Smiths golden time! I would speak to the class teacher and say how you feel. As a teacher sometimes you get so caught up in the pressure driven environment you forget they are small children who need to enjoy learning above all else .

Badhair see, now I'm not replying to User12345678 or User12345679. It's very confusing when new users post with the User and X number.

If you read my posts further up thread you will see I said almost exactly the same as you. Apologies if I misread yoru posts.

Of course it is important that parents help their child to learn. There are some great suggestions on this thread as to when you could do the spellings with him. However, as an ex-primary school teacher, I think insisting that this is done every day and that the book is signed is over the top. If I were you, I would just try my best and do a few minute here and there and sign the book.
I'm sorry but I think it is really awful to say that the child will lose golden time if the work isn't done. This is very unfair. There are so many children who won't be able to practise spellings every day at home for whatever reason. There are plenty of children from families who have no interest in education whose parents won't be signing the book. These children are all to be punished by losing their golden time??

Ah that makes sense BodsAuntieFlo

The loss of golden time is the most unreasonable aspect of this.... Punishing the child for the failure of the parent - I'd definitely not let that lie.

Based on what the letter says, a child could get 100% correct in the weekly spelling test, and still lose golden time if they haven't written all the words down for every day in the book. That's nonsensical.

I think I'll calm down and then compose a polite reasoned letter to school.

In the meantime I'll definitely be trying out some of your ideas for learning spellings.

Forcing a tired child to write 10 spellings out 5 times each is not going to achieve anything least of all a competent speller and will probably put him off for life and that is something I'm not prepared to do.

sorry if i've missed it, but why can't whoever has him after school do it with him occasionally?

YANBU as long as you're not then going to go in complaining to the teacher when your child doesn't attain (the utterly ridiculous expectations of) Y2 expected literacy level. Without a child being able to spell all the words and hardly ever misspelling a word that follows one of the y1/2 spelling rules then the teacher should not be giving them that level of attainment. If you're not that fussed by the SATs results ( as a teacher and parent I'm not) then let your DC chill out after school so he's ready for the next day.

Every day is an awful lot. Year 2 is when the regular home learning started at our school, but it would be reading, 5 spellings, some maths, and sometimes something relating to the topic.

For the most part we managed to complete it, despite us both working full time too. Sometimes, we couldn't, if we'd had a busy family weekend, in which case I'd write in the book what we had manage, and apologise but explain why. Teachers were always understanding, DDs teacher in year 1 told me she'd rather DD spent 10 minutes a day and did what she could in that time (we were having a real problem with maths), than got bored and distracted trying to complete the task over 30 minutes and started to hate learning.

I think they'd be less understanding if you didn't make any effort to facilitate home learning. If one word is all you can manage before his attention wanders completely, do that, and say that's what you've done and why. Build it into your chats about his day on the way to and from school, whilst reading a book together if it comes up, pointing out similarities between the sounds used in his words of the week and other words on e.g. signs, cereal packets.