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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel emotionally blackmailed by School ?

207 replies

spornersunited · 09/09/2016 19:11

DS has just started YR2 (so age 6).

By the time we all walk through the door at 5.45 every evening DS is hungry, tired, and whining (he's up at 6am)

Todays letter home stated that there will be a weekly spelling test and spellings should be practiced and recorded in his spelling record book every day and signed by a parent apparently if this home work isn't completed they will loose 'golden time' and made to do the practice then.

Whilst I fully support the school and my child's education there will be days that trying to do battle and force a tired whiny 6 year old to do spellings will be counter productive.

To put it into perspective both me and DP work full time don't get home until 5.45 pm which then only leaves 1 hour and 15 mins to get evening meal cooked & eaten , DS bathed ,teeth cleaned, story hear about his day etc before he settles down to sleep at 7 pm.

AIBU to think that the threat of my child being effectively singled out and punished if I don't facilitate this home work every single day (for the reasons stated above) is emotional blackmail ?

OP posts:
PoohBearsHole · 09/09/2016 19:49

can he do it in after school care?

SheStoodInTheStorm · 09/09/2016 19:50

I don't think spellings every day is necessary (I am a teacher).

Scarydinosaurs · 09/09/2016 19:50

As a (currently wannabe!) future CM I will be offering the option of spellings and reading to be done with my mindees (I'm only going to do before and after school, so no little ones).

Maybe ask your CM and see if she would?

Scarydinosaurs · 09/09/2016 19:50

And not necessary. Childhoods need more childish things in them.

BodsAuntieFlo · 09/09/2016 19:50

Every family is different and schools need to recognise that and have flexibility.

Ok class, here is your homework for this week. Oh wait, I need to make exception for X Y and Z as their parents need flexibility Speak to the teacher? What are you going to say? "I work full time and don't have time for homework?" Really?

FlemCandango · 09/09/2016 19:51

I am a terrible parent that doesn't do homework for primary school much. I don't do weekly spellings with dd2 in yr2, let alone daily. I tea with them, talk to them and do provide the environment/ nutrition/ rest and equipment that is conducive to learning.

Homework for 6yo is ridiculous, I will never be convinced otherwise. I don't particularly care what the school thinks about that, bit I am fortunate that dd2 has not mentioned any consequences for not providing evidence of learning. I have 2 older children who have plenty of homework for their school and consequences for not doing it and i support them, ensuring they get homework in. They are doing well despite my terrible neglect in lower school. I still struggle with the daily evidence thing, the older two are meant to read 20mins a day a complete online tests son the books but both struggle and stress over it and consistently fail to do the tests or refuse to tea the books the can be tested on. Both have practically adult reading ages and are top set English there is no problem yet the school still hassles us just so they can tick their little boxes.

Ultimately if the homework truly benefits the child then fine but I it is really about making the school look good for Ofsted then I am not on board.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 09/09/2016 19:53

Dd is Year 2 and now gets 10 spellings a week (was 5 in Year 1). We probably practice most days but we don't practice all of them - just one at a time!

We get Dd to write them on our board when she gets them and then maybe over breakfast Dh will get her to do one, on the way home from school / on the way to gym club I might do one, one over dinner. Probably takes about 30 secs. No big deal - better than the endless "who has trumped" conversations my two like to have at all times.

Re: evidence - bollocks to that! They are hardly going to be Inspector Morse over it! They have 30 kids to deal with.

Monday - practiced funny and came.
Tuesday - practiced window
Wednesday - practiced Light, might and sight.
Etc etc

scrivette · 09/09/2016 19:53

Sounds like a ridiculous amount, I either be able to fit that in with DS, it seems very unfair to punish the child, when, at 6, it's the parents who have to find the time and assist.

Original poster
spornersunited · 09/09/2016 19:53

Some great suggestions re different ideas for ways to practice but the letter clearly states (in bold) that the spellings MUST be written down daily ( 5 x each) in the aforementioned book.

OP posts:
Mumoftwoyoungkids · 09/09/2016 19:54

Ps we practice verbally - not writing.

Waltermittythesequel · 09/09/2016 19:55

I don't understand why people make such a mountain out of a molehill.

You chose the school along with its rules.

If they have to do spellings, do spellings.

Everyone has busy lives. You can't take five minutes to do a couple of spellings?

People who never do primary school homework, why not? Just, why?

The school you chose for your dc think it's good practice so why not just do it?

Or find a school whose ethos you're more on board with.

FlemCandango · 09/09/2016 19:56

Oh ffs I am typing in a hurry on a phone with stupid predictive text and tiny touch screen I am much better at spelling and generally making sense usually! Tea = read! Oh well that'll serve me right for such a long post.Hmm

DelicatePreciousThing1 · 09/09/2016 19:58

It's "practise"'when it is a verb.

Seryph · 09/09/2016 19:58

How many spellings does your child have to do each week OP?

jennielou75 · 09/09/2016 19:58

I teach year 2 and while I get the insane spelling expectations for year 2 I would not take golden time away for not doing the practice. We give team points and ten out of ten stickers (and nine too sometimes!) but the children who do not practice of course may not get these. I only take away golden time for poor behaviour or not finished work when time has been wasted.
I do feel that the crazy pressure to get all the spelling standards in year 2 is leading to these things happening.

WhyASpoon · 09/09/2016 19:58

Nightly spellings, with consequences for not doing them, is totally unreasonable for a 6 yo! I'm stunned by the number of posters on here castigating the OP for not wanting to make her shattered young ks1 child learn spellings - which he's unlikely to be able to do after such long days anyway so it would be totally counterproductive. What the hell is wrong with actually helping children to enjoy learning rather than battering it out of them before they hit ks2?!

I say this as a(n ex) teacher, btw. Homework in primary school has no discernible purpose or point beyond making ofsted happy, and thankfully my dc's school recognises this.

OP, I would have a word with the school. Not about them having to do the spellings - we keep our private rebellion on that under wraps - but about such visible punishments and loss of golden time. Especially for something that is affected by the child's home life. Totally unacceptable to treat a ks1 child like this. It's humiliation and very much not ok.

And for those who will respond by saying it only takes 5 minutes, just do it - when you have to persuade a reluctant, tired child to do those 5 minutes it takes a lot more than that, ruins their enjoyment of learning (soooo much more important than whether they can fucking spell walking at this age) and damages a relationship between parents and child. Not worth it in our household.

Allyoucaneat · 09/09/2016 20:00

I don't work full time (3 days) and wouldn't manage this with my six year old. He's extremely tired and whiney after school at the moment and just doing the reading is a struggle.

We also have swimming lessons one night a week and see a relative another night. He is asleep by 6:30pm most evenings, squeezing in daily spellings would be a nightmare. I have a nearly 2yr old who makes homework difficult too as he does not give us peace to do it and everyone gets frustrated. My partner isn't home until 11pm so he can't help Sad.

I'm with you op this is a ridiculous expectation at such a young age.

MoonHare · 09/09/2016 20:00

It's unreasonable for the school to threaten to take away golden time. It's unreasonable for them to expect you to sign a book every day as "proof".

The curriculum may have changed and it will have changed a dozen more times before your child leaves primary school. This doesn't make it ok for schools to put this amount of pressure on young children. It's about their fear of not reaching whatever justice greening decides is the 'expected standard' for children doing ks1 assessments. It's not about lifelong enjoyment of learning for your son.

I would feel very unhappy if our school introduced draconian measures like this too. The fact you work and have little time to achieve their requirements is irrelevant.

I would write a polite letter to the head and say while you appreciate their viewpoint you will do spelling g practice with your son in a way that suits his needs and you do not expect him to be penalised for it.

FlemCandango · 09/09/2016 20:01

The school I chose is at the end of my road and friendly, there is not a school in existence that I am going to agree with every policy. For my older children there is no choice, one middle school and one upper school in our catchment so choice only exists in some areas. More rural locations don't really have a large selection of schools.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 09/09/2016 20:01

Some great suggestions re different ideas for ways to practice but the letter clearly states (in bold) that the spellings MUST be written down daily ( 5 x each) in the aforementioned book.

Oh FFS! That is daft! When do the spellings come out? What day will the books be taken in? They are hardly going to check each day.

Can you do some (lots of!) practice over the weekends (Sat + Sun are also days!) and then just a little each weekday?

DelicatePreciousThing1 · 09/09/2016 20:01

Except in the US where they do not differentiate.

KickAssAngel · 09/09/2016 20:02

Who takes care of him after school until you pick him up? They can supervise homework.

kurlique · 09/09/2016 20:02

When do the spellings get issued? We used to have a book with five slots to practise their spellings in... DD used to fill them in in one or two sessions rather than everyday... Most of them at the weekend and perhaps one the morning of the tests. Then we did practice anywhere... On the way to school, in the bath, over breakfast, cooking supper... Whenever I remembered really. I would say that we, the parents at school, kicked off when a new teacher gave spellings out on Monday for testing on Friday and it was agreed that all families are different and a whole week was needed as some are busy in the week and others at the weekend... the regime was changed! If you don't get a full week inc. weekend Complain!

DixonOfDockGreen · 09/09/2016 20:03

Which country are you in Walter ? The OP may not have chosen the school her DC go to. In my area of the UK , I have the right to express a preference for a particular school for my DC, but not the right to actually get the places I would like for them.

user1471446348 · 09/09/2016 20:03

Yes that's exactly what I say, I am a teacher. It's not hard, you just have to be aware of individual circumstances.