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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel emotionally blackmailed by School ?

207 replies

spornersunited · 09/09/2016 19:11

DS has just started YR2 (so age 6).

By the time we all walk through the door at 5.45 every evening DS is hungry, tired, and whining (he's up at 6am)

Todays letter home stated that there will be a weekly spelling test and spellings should be practiced and recorded in his spelling record book every day and signed by a parent apparently if this home work isn't completed they will loose 'golden time' and made to do the practice then.

Whilst I fully support the school and my child's education there will be days that trying to do battle and force a tired whiny 6 year old to do spellings will be counter productive.

To put it into perspective both me and DP work full time don't get home until 5.45 pm which then only leaves 1 hour and 15 mins to get evening meal cooked & eaten , DS bathed ,teeth cleaned, story hear about his day etc before he settles down to sleep at 7 pm.

AIBU to think that the threat of my child being effectively singled out and punished if I don't facilitate this home work every single day (for the reasons stated above) is emotional blackmail ?

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 09/09/2016 20:22

I messed up the two versions in an earlier post, clam. I wasn't being careful given I'm posting on a chat forum.

Mistakes happen. Everyone lives.

Pointing it out, though? Really?

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 09/09/2016 20:23

Practise - verb

Practice - noun

And I'm drinking prosecco. Will be v embarrassed if I'm wrong.

I strongly uphold education - I'm educated to degree level and hope the same for my children - I just don't agree with this crap for 6yr olds.

TeapotDictator · 09/09/2016 20:23

Punishing a 6 year old for not doing homework? Has the world gone mad? I bloody loathe homework and the enormous amount of stress it puts on families when it's mostly a load of rubbish. Thank god my children go to a school which takes a relaxed attitude towards it, I'd be seething otherwise. The school day is perfectly long enough for kids without them feeling under pressure to do more work each night afterwards.

It's one thing to get het up about it when they're older, but he's 6! My twins have just started year 2 and we've done a tiny amount of homework so far in Reception and Y1 - their school is highly regarded and gets great results, despite not coming down like a ton of bricks on tiny kids already under huge pressure!

BodsAuntieFlo · 09/09/2016 20:23

How many spelling words OP?

Afternoondelights · 09/09/2016 20:23

I haven't read the whole thread but my 6 yo gets spellings every day for homework along with reading, sums and practicing his writing. It's four spellings a day, words like cat hat jam sat, etc and he has to write a sentence using one of these 'block' words a day. Every individual piece of work is signed off by a parent. In all honesty the whole lot of homework takes 10-15 mins, it's no big deal and there's no point getting annoyed with the school about it. When kids go to school they get homework and it's up to parents to ensure it gets done.

Alwaysmeadulting · 09/09/2016 20:25

Oh clam. Thank you for pointing out what losers we all are.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 09/09/2016 20:28

I probably got it wrong.

But I know what 27 * 37 is. And can tell you whether it is better to buy the BOGOF in Tescos or the bigger size without blinking,

We all have different skills.

BodsAuntieFlo · 09/09/2016 20:30

Yes that's exactly what I say, I am a teacher. It's not hard, you just have to be aware of individual circumstances.

I'd take you more seriously if you had a username instead of user 123456789012445.

Out of interest, you would not set homework due individual circumstances? Therefore X, Y and Z get homework yet ABC don't need to compete it?

witsender · 09/09/2016 20:31

Yanbu! He's 6, not 16. When my daughter went to 'school all she wanted to do when she got back was hang upside down in a tree and play with her brother. And that was fine by us.

Afternoondelights · 09/09/2016 20:32

' favouring the kids of parents who do not work full time' how can giving homework be discriminating against parents who work full time?! Teachers couldn't possibly know the working status of the parents of the children they teach!

Badhairday1001 · 09/09/2016 20:33

I don't agree with homework in primary school. I'm a teacher and I have to work at home, it's not something I want to inflict on my children. Playing and having fun is much more important for little ones than writing the same spelling over and over and reading about Biff and Chip. Mental health, social skills and happiness need to come before government agenda.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 09/09/2016 20:34

Meh, who cares Mumoftwo - I went to an old-style 11+ grammar school. I still didn't have to write out spellings every day at the age of 6.

They're 6 - it's OTT.

Original poster
spornersunited · 09/09/2016 20:36

The school you chose for your dc think it's good practice so why not just do it?
Because I know MY 6 year old and I know that forcing him ( when hungry & tired) to write 50 words ( 10 spellings x 5 out each night) is enough to put him off learning for life

Everyone has busy lives. You can't take five minutes to do a couple of spellings?

Do you actually have any idea how long it takes a 6 year old to write 50 (new and unfamiliar) words out ?

You chose the school along with its rules

Well actually there was never any mention of this amount of home work nor the fact that they would effectively punish a 6 year old for something beyond his control - This was never the case when DS1 & 2 attended the same school

Or find a school whose ethos you're more on board with.

As stated earlier DS 1 & 2 went to the same school. They received a good standard of education in a positive environment which has ensured a life long love of learning . That is why I chose the school but maybe its time to re think things..................

Learning Should be fun and interesting ,it should be encouraged and nurtured not forced upon a tired 6 year old who has already spent hours concentrating & 'trying his best' that day.

When DS 1 was at school a very wise and experienced teacher told me "you have a choice ,you can either force him to read his reading book & put him off reading for life or you can use that time to read him a story and give him a life long love of books and reading "

Guess which one I chose ?

OP posts:
Witchend · 09/09/2016 20:37

Just sign it and fo what you can.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 09/09/2016 20:39

Just to say, teachers don't ALWAYS know what's best for each child when it comes to literacy. My DS1 became miserable with his home reader in yr 5 as they were too easy and in an old-fashioned boring format. They were very poorly written too. He had gone through all the levels and she was using some old reading scheme with the most able readers. I knew his reading age was advanced for his year group and he was reading far more advanced stuff in his own time and in my opinion should have been a free reader like his peers. When I questioned his teacher she said that she was not making him a free reader because when he read to her he wasn't confident and she wanted to make sure he was before she made him a free reader. It was bollocks - he has always been a very shy child and is very Quietly spoken. Doesn't make him a bad reader. In her mind his shyness and quiet voice when reading to her translated into him "not being confident with the texts." I persevered for a bit then realised that he had actively been put off reading altogether and was no longer reading for pleasure at home. She had put him off completely. I see the result in this type of thing at secondary level, particularly with boys, so in the end I just ticked his reading record as having read each home reader and he soon picked up his reading at home again. I then wrote in his record that I would no longer be making him read what was sent home and gave a list of what he had read very comfortably at home, that was at a far higher level. Finally, she listened to me, DS was much happier and he is now an avid reader again.

You can't treat every child the same just because Ofsted says you should. Common sense should come into it, but unfortunately teachers are under so much pressure to do what Ofsted require that they end up passing this pressure along to the kids. I feel very sorry for the teachers, most of whom are absolutely wonderful at their jobs, but whose lives are made hell by silly government demands.

Afternoondelights · 09/09/2016 20:40

So what are you going to do op?

Waltermittythesequel · 09/09/2016 20:41

50 words a night?? At age 6??

TheAntiBoop · 09/09/2016 20:44

Does the book have to go in every day? How many words does he get?

When ds was in year two he would fill in all the columns at once and then we would practice verbally.

Whereismumhiding2 · 09/09/2016 20:46

For those criticising OP for asking the question, I don't think she is saying she won't try to do as much as she can as a caring dedicated parent, nor that she won't read with her DC and practise spellings as often as possible. She seems to just be just making a reasonable comment about unrealistic nightly demands on working parents of such a young child, to sign every single night spellings and reading (oh boy wait til there's homework and projects too in Yr2!! Or you get more DC!) .. when she has so much else to do for his care after she picks him up after work (After DC's very long day ending at After school club!) . Because the school seems to indicate DC will be punished aged 6 at school by loss of class "Golden Time" if she doesn't!

I don't think she's BU to think that's a tad discriminatory & unfair on working parents to demand every night.... When DC will be overtired some nights!

CurlyhairedAssassin · 09/09/2016 20:46

And by the way, reading regularly for pleasure because they WANT to, as well as BEING READ TO by a parent (who can explain complicated vocabulary and pronounce the words properly) is far better for improving spelling ability than reluctantly rote learning a list of random words that don't have any context.

Waltermittythesequel · 09/09/2016 20:49

Nobody has said that isn't better, have they?

MunchCrunch01 · 09/09/2016 20:49

We both work ft, we have found there is no shortcut to parents helping with homework. We thought doing it once a week was enough - dd needs a lot of sleep and can't concentrate by 6pm but she's not doing that well at nearly 6, we're trying to do it more often, we started over the summer and it's helping her confidence a lot. We've been really surprised at how much is expected from parental input - and don't get me started on on the ridiculous craft projects...

NonnoMum · 09/09/2016 20:50

Far too much for a 6 year old boy.
Politely tell the teacher that in other countries children that age are not even in school, and those children manage to become literate, functioning adults.

Discobabe · 09/09/2016 20:52

yanbu! Just do it twice a week but write in the book be does it every night. I don't think they'd have the balls/it would be rather risky, to accuse you of lying Grin

blowmybarnacles · 09/09/2016 20:53

My sympathies, OTT and putting the onus on the parent is wrong.

However, as a Childminder, I would not want to be doing homework every day with the children as there simply isn't enough time to do that and cook tea.