Apologies for the length of this but wanted to give proper backstory.
DD got accepted into uni this August, is due to start in two weeks. She has long term general anxiety and low self esteem issues. Since results day she has been having second thoughts about going and considering the idea of taking a year out and going to university next September. She definitely wants to go to uni, she just doesn't feel ready for it this year due to a number of reasons. She says she will get a job and do some volunteering in charity events as this is something she's interested in as a career. I have said she can do whatever she wants but she has been very confused and kept changing her mind one way or the other as it's a big decision to defer for a year and she's worried about being a year older when she starts etc
Have told friends that she is having doubts about going this year. There is one in particular, who has known DD since she was 4 and is more like an aunt to her, who is very much of the mind that DD should go this year as it's 'now or never' and if she doesn't go this year she never will. This friend has said to me very firmly that it's up to me to tell DD that she doesn't have a choice and basically force her to go his year. She gets annoyed when I tell her that DD is 19 and can make her own choice and I will support her. She thinks that I am holding her back and DD is being soft/just needs a push from me to get on with her life and that it will be best for her to leave me and be with other young people. I agree with this, but at the moment DD is really depressed, can't get excited about university at all and really feels that it's all happening too fast. I'm worried if she forces herself to go she could end up having a break down and coming home, or at least not making the most of uni.
Now the complicated bit is that DD went to have meningitis jab on Thursday and because she has a phobia of needles and needed someone with her, and I was working, this friend went with her. They then went back to friend's house for lunch. At this point DD was of the mind that she was going to uni as planned this year. My friend had said to me the day before that she would "draw DD out" and "make sure she goes to university". I arrived to pick her up at end of day to find that friend had taken DD out to The Range and bought her a car load of stuff for uni - plates, trays, mugs, cutlery, utensils, pans etc - costing £70. She did this as a 'uni present' for DD as she knows that I couldn't afford to buy her lots of new things and DD was just going to take a few things from home. DD was thrilled with all the lovely things and said that she would go to university this year.
However, as days have passed she has admitted to me that deep down she still doesn't want to go this year and would feel much more comfortable taking a year out. She feels guilty about the £70 that friend spent and feels this means she has to go now. Friend has also planned a party for this Saturday.
Saw friend the other day, along with another friend. Other friend said "so, is it so and so date that DD goes to uni? - that is if she goes!" and friend 1 looked at me meaningfully and said "oh she's going, she has to go, she doesn't have a choice, isn't that right Blue?" and I said "no, she can choose to do whatever she wants." This seemed to annoy friend and she said "yes, but you're not going to tell her that! You tell her she hasn't got a choice!"
DD is very worried that if she chooses not to go to university this year my friend is going to be annoyed. She hasn't said outright that she would be annoyed because of the £70 shopping trip but it seems likely. I know it's an awkward situation and it is embarrassing after she's spent so much, but she chose to do that and DD can still take all the lovely things with her when she goes next year. AIBU to think that DD should be free to defer uni if she wants, despite friend?