To Want a Richer Man?

[ChegPasty]

Obviously I am but do any of you ever feel this way?

My DH is incredible by anyone's standards, couldn't fault him. His parents are not particularly wealthy and he has a below average salary. We get by and he's not tight with the money he does have.

I'm slowly qualifying in a career that comes with a large salary. It will be a while before I get there but I work alongside lots with million + salaries. They're mostly men with wives who don't have to work and they have incredible lives (from the outside). They walk around in designer clothes and shoes, holiday for most of the year and go 1st class or private, drive flash cars, they have beautiful homes and want for nothing.

AIBU to want in on this even though I have a man who adores me? I work ridiculously hard long hours and couldn't even imagine spending the amount of money some of these women do on a pair of shoes and I sometimes wonder what the point is.

I feel lucky because DH and I work hard and are financially secure. I honestly have no desire at all for the kind of lifestyle you describe.

Spending shed loads of money on a pair of shoes would make me feel sick!

I also work in a well paid and make dominated job, and yes most of my colleagues have stay at home wives. Honestly, it's never occurred to me to envy them? Isn't it nice feeling that you've achieved something yourself? Wouldn't you be bored at home? And frankly, I personally can't really respect the kind of guy who thinks that wife = lady who waits for me at home making the house pretty, much less want to marry one. Maybe think about a career change - sounds like it's the job you don't like, not the husband.

Yes you are being materialistic. A horrible trait. I have been rich and poor. Poor was pretty horrible but today I get by ok. I'm the happiest I have ever been.
I also provide for myself. Its not the 1950's

Go earn pots of money yourself. Much more satisfying. And quit with the ridiculous gender stereotyping.

You can dream. I am sure we all do.

I always remind myself though that money isn't everything. It helps to be comfortably off, of course it does, but if it came to a choice between a lovely DH and a stratospheric salary then I would choose the DH every time. I speak as someone who has been on the bones of her arse at times too.

Have you ever heard the saying 'Comparison is the thief of joy'? I'd say it applies heavily in your case.

I get it. I do. I don't aspire to DH bringing home millions, but a wage above £20000 would be nice. He's an amazing husband and father, and has made sacrifices to be those which have impacted on his earning abilities. I wouldn't change any of that, but it would be lovely not to struggle.

Consider yourself told

And, because it seems to be turning into that kind of thread, I'll add that I'm too ill to work and even if I was well enough, I couldn't because I care for my DS who has autism. Just pre-empting the 'Well, why don't YOU go and earn more?' responses. Not all of us can.

YANBU to feel jealous of people you come into contact regularly who have things that you would like to have yourself. It isn't a great reaction, but it is pretty normal.
YABU to feel that you swapping your DH for someone with more money would improve your life - presumably your DH isn't just "a man" interchangeable for another with better stats, but has individual qualities that you admire.

As a man, there is no way on God's earth I would marry a woman who expected their husband to provide a lifestyle for them to enjoy while I was out working all the time like the women the OP mentions. One of the most attractive traits in anyone is independence.

It's horribly sexist as well. You basically want to leech off someone. As above posters say, earning it yourself should be the aim if you really wish for that. How would you think if your DH was disappointed in you for not pulling in millions?

They're mostly men with wives who don't have to work and they have incredible lives (from the outside). They walk around in designer clothes and shoes, holiday for most of the year and go 1st class or private, drive flash cars, they have beautiful homes and want for nothing.

They're women who are being financially abused. They have no independent income of their own. They have no personal pension provision. Their husbands buy them, or provide them with, lots of things which capitalism has deemed to be desirable. They are very very vulnerable if something should go wrong with their marriage.

I have no idea why you would envy these women.

I'd really love an incredibly rich wife so I could stop working and be a trophy husband.

Though I'd probably only qualify as a participation trophy.

If you're going to make such big money, buy your own overpriced shoes. And buy your DH some as well.
Or you could divorce him and let him be with someone who really loves him and doesn't see him as a walking wallet?

They're women who are being financially abused

Are you mad? Living the high life on your husbands salary is not being financially abused. Thats a real serious thing, don't trivialise it with this stupid shit

I don't know about you getting a richer man, but your DH WNBU to want a nicer woman.

They're women who are being financially abused. They have no independent income of their own. They have no personal pension provision. Their husbands buy them, or provide them with, lots of things which capitalism has deemed to be desirable. They are very very vulnerable if something should go wrong with their marriage.

Are you for real?

For better, for worse
For richer, for poorer
In sickness and in health

I despise people who value others purely for their material wealth.

They're women who are being financially abused

I hope you're not being serious.

Very rich men work insane hours.

There are plenty of MNers who have husband's with high salaries. They seem to work until late, be available on email at weekends, and have to do lots of work trips.

I wouldn't fancy that much.

My DH earns just enough to pay the bills. Neither of us will ever be rich. There are NO holidays. But we have an excellent work life balance.

Perhaps abusive is the wrong word and I apologise for that. But, the point still stands.

A person providing everything for you (food, clothes, shelter) whilst you have no independent way of getting these things for yourself puts you in a pretty subordinate position. These women are completely under the control of their husbands because they have no money of their own.

But you don't need a richer man, because youbare in a position tonearn the big bucks yourself.

Then your DH can "get in" on empty materialism that is paid for by you.

Watch out, though.

It sounds like your proximity to wealth is changing you into a shallow and materialistic person.

Your incredible husband might grow tired of your vulgarity.

But you could say the same for any parent who stays at home while the spouse works. No difference if the working spouse is an investment banker, or a teacher.