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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Want a Richer Man?

230 replies

ChegPasty · 06/09/2016 14:14

Obviously I am but do any of you ever feel this way?

My DH is incredible by anyone's standards, couldn't fault him. His parents are not particularly wealthy and he has a below average salary. We get by and he's not tight with the money he does have.

I'm slowly qualifying in a career that comes with a large salary. It will be a while before I get there but I work alongside lots with million + salaries. They're mostly men with wives who don't have to work and they have incredible lives (from the outside). They walk around in designer clothes and shoes, holiday for most of the year and go 1st class or private, drive flash cars, they have beautiful homes and want for nothing.

AIBU to want in on this even though I have a man who adores me? I work ridiculously hard long hours and couldn't even imagine spending the amount of money some of these women do on a pair of shoes and I sometimes wonder what the point is.

OP posts:
ManonLescaut · 06/09/2016 15:47

It depends who you're on holiday with. There are an awful lot of lonely depressed people in very expensive hotels. Couples looking miserable in chic outfits.

Arseicle · 06/09/2016 15:49

The miserable ones are those looking at their 5 star room and envying the people in the fancier penthouse.

monkeygone · 06/09/2016 15:49

I have no desire for designer clothes even if I was a millionaire I wouldn't buy or wear them. It's a piss take! Different strokes for different folks I guess

Me too! I find it very strange.

I spend about £50 a year on clothes, and that wouldn't change even if I won £100 million on the lottery this weekend.

Babylove2015 · 06/09/2016 15:51

So the DH earns below average wage while the OP is trying to better herself and their situation by qualifying for a higher paying job. I think you wouldn't feel the way you do so much, if your husband was a little bit more ambitious and worked jointly as a team to have a better financial lifestyle.
There is nothing wrong with feeling you would like to be a bit more comfortable than having to struggle. Money buys freedom and the ability to travel and not miss out on experinces, why wouldn't anyone want more money. Unless you were born into it, married into it, win euromillions. Starting your own business is really the only way to have loads of money. Unless you have a high paying job where you can afford to invest in property.

GarlicMist · 06/09/2016 15:51

Oh, good lord, Cheg, of course YANBU! YAB even more reasonable by getting yourself into a position where you can earn the mega-bucks yourself.

If DH starts spending all your hard-earned on £5,000 handbags, you come on here and have a good moan Grin

I've gone from poor to fairly rich and back again. Money is better. It's not everything (cost me my health, at least partially) but it's a great deal easier to be happy when you can afford solutions to your problems.

Good luck with the career progression!

MitzyLeFrouf · 06/09/2016 15:51

I remember being in Florence and seeing a man trailing like a puppy after a rather stroppy looking American woman pleading with her 'I'm sorry it isn't fancy enough daring. But it's the best in town!'. She was having none of it!

Grin
ManonLescaut · 06/09/2016 15:51

But what is comfortable?

Well quite. One person's 'enough' will be different from another's.

I'd say what the OP describes is in excess of what most people would need to be 'comfortable'. I don't think you need a million+ a year.

LunaLoveg00d · 06/09/2016 15:56

What are you all classing as high income/wealthy/well paid.

That's the thing though, isn't it - it means different things to different people. Someone on a minimum wage job may think £30k is a high income. Someone on £30k thinks £80k is a high income. Someone earning £100k thinks £200k is a high income and so on.

There is no standard definition.

sizeofalentil · 06/09/2016 15:57

It's just the same as wishing for a lottery win really, isn't it? Or being jealous of someone for having lovely hair or a wonderful house. No harm in it, as long as you don't let it consume you.

phillipp · 06/09/2016 15:57

I know I'm obviously being a horrid creature for thinking that way but it does just get on my tits to absolutely work my balls off to get to a point in life where I can enjoy nice things, like security not just materialistic things, and then I speak to one of the wives (in my job it is mostly men and none of them are gay - openly anyways) and they have that security I am working so hard for and have got it by doing piss all.

Yes while their dh works and earns money. You earn the money and let dh give up work. It's sexist to think he should provide it for you. When it's what you want.

I am glad you are seeing sense

SENPARENT · 06/09/2016 15:58

Yes YABVU and very shallow too. Does your DH know this is how you feel?

allsfairinlove · 06/09/2016 16:05

.

To Want a Richer Man?
Sparklesilverglitter · 06/09/2016 16:06

Yabvu and very shallow

Why should you DH have to earn more so you can have designer clothes Hmm ffs!

Eatthecake · 06/09/2016 16:09

To want a richer man- what a lovely title. FFS!

You are being incredibly shallow. I just hope you've never said such things to your DH, I really feel for him if you have

It's 2016 you want money for designer clothes, handbags and holidays well last time I checked women can work for them things too. So you don't need a richer man you can earn the money yourself

newmumwithquestions · 06/09/2016 16:11

I agree you sound a bit shallow. Who knows what's going on in other people's lives?

You don't sound like you're on the breadline so Im guessing that if you're thinking about money you haven't got any proper worries at the moment (seriously ill family, etc). Be thankful for that.

Original poster
ChegPasty · 06/09/2016 16:12

My DH is the kind to say 'I'd like an Aston Martin one day' but he'd never do anything to actually go about getting one because he's quite comfortable with what he has and he's a happy man when his wife isn't being a shallow cow.

I was just daydreaming about having their lifestyle and if we did switch I'm sure I'd enjoy it for a while but would feel like it could all be taken away whereas if I earn my own way there then I know I'm in charge.

My colleagues earn way into the millions, some at partner level earn 10s of millions. Then there are normal salaries folk who earn 6 figures and it keeps on going down the further down the ladder you go, like most places. Right there at the bottom holding the ladder is me whilst I'm training so just feeling a bit defeatist I suppose.

OP posts:
MitzyLeFrouf · 06/09/2016 16:12

I think this thread wins the award for Most Occurrences of the Word Shallow.

Patsy99 · 06/09/2016 16:16

My DH has gone from earning about the same as me to literally 10x my salary. We seem to have a lot of money suddenly.

I wish he was home more.

raisedbyguineapigs · 06/09/2016 16:18

I think OP is getting a bit of a hard time here too. Surely it's natural when you are a bit tired and have been working hard to fantasise about living a life of luxury? I went on a date with a guy before I met my DH who was a property developer. He was the fullest man I'd ever met, but he was loaded and we went to swanky restaurants all the time. I was young and idealistic so didn't want to end up with someone who I didn't really like. I met my DH, who does the same job as me. We are comfortable but don't have swanky holidays and have to budget. When I get fed up and see other people's holidays in the Carribbean, I do think about that guy who, let's face it, I'd hardly have had to see because of the hours he was working and think about how I'd just be able to live in a nice house and have nice holidays, basically just have to play with the kids and go to pilates. Whether the reality is like that is another question. The more you have the more you want, I would have thought. Especially when you are surrounded by the rich. There's always someone with a bigger house/ car etc.

VestalVirgin · 06/09/2016 16:19

You spend too much time with your colleagues. People tend to feel rich or poor compared to the people they are surrounded by.

Spend more time with ordinary people who have ordinary salaries. Then you'll feel rich!

needastrongone · 06/09/2016 16:19

I got your post OP. Just that you are sick of having fewer choices and it's hard being on the breadline all the time.

Arseicle · 06/09/2016 16:20

If she'd asked "AIBU to wish we had more money" she would have got very different responses. But she asked "AIBU to want a richer man instead of my loving husband" which is a very different question and deserves the bulk of the answers given.

VioletBam · 06/09/2016 16:22

I want a big house and as much art and nice clothing as I desire but I don't think "I want a richer man" in order to get them!

That's just fucking weird in this day and age OP.

Get them yourself.

MitzyLeFrouf · 06/09/2016 16:23

I suppose it's only in recent years that it's become widely accepted that marriage is a relationship that should be based on love and respect. Whereas before it was all about making a sensible economic match with someone you hopefully respected and if you were very lucky, loved. Our ancestors would be no doubt be nodding in agreement with you OP Wink

needastrongone · 06/09/2016 16:23

FWIW, we (as a couple) have been on the breadline, wondering how to get to the end of the month and (now), not having to worry. We are not the super rich, but being financially secure, and the alleviation of stress that this provides, is a massively positive thing.

DH, strangely, hasn't turned into a twat now he's a high earner Smile