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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To Want a Richer Man?

230 replies

ChegPasty · 06/09/2016 14:14

Obviously I am but do any of you ever feel this way?

My DH is incredible by anyone's standards, couldn't fault him. His parents are not particularly wealthy and he has a below average salary. We get by and he's not tight with the money he does have.

I'm slowly qualifying in a career that comes with a large salary. It will be a while before I get there but I work alongside lots with million + salaries. They're mostly men with wives who don't have to work and they have incredible lives (from the outside). They walk around in designer clothes and shoes, holiday for most of the year and go 1st class or private, drive flash cars, they have beautiful homes and want for nothing.

AIBU to want in on this even though I have a man who adores me? I work ridiculously hard long hours and couldn't even imagine spending the amount of money some of these women do on a pair of shoes and I sometimes wonder what the point is.

OP posts:

2014newme · 06/09/2016 14:38

If you will be earning millions what's the issue?

MitzyLeFrouf · 06/09/2016 14:39

I agree that it can be a pretty subordinate position though.

Mybugslife · 06/09/2016 14:39

Actually no I don't ever feel this way. DH and I are not well off. We can't afford to buy our own house or have holidays every year, but we get by and we both work hard. Both of us will work our way up in our careers so it won't be this way Forever, we are both still young I'm 24 and he's 27 and most of our friends are jetting off in expensive holidays and buying designer brands here there and everywhere. I can hand on heart say I am truly happy with my DH and do not wish he was a richer man! We have the best relationship, we don't argue, just the odd disagreement here and there that we get over pretty darn quickly. We are the best of friends and have always been a team. We have a DD and I'm pg again and we parent together equally. I can honestly say I'd rather be happy than have loads of money and expensive things and luckily we are happy

Sgtmajormummy · 06/09/2016 14:40

Sounds like you want to trade up from the "basic family model" to the "supercar" status husband.
Be careful what you wish for...

BlancheBlue · 06/09/2016 14:40

Stealth boast post of the day here. Good luck with your career with million plus salary.

YelloDraw · 06/09/2016 14:41

Very rich men work insane hours.

Yeah but the OP is on track to be doing that. So she will be the one working the insane hours. Except she won't have a stay at home wife at home looking after her domestic life...

milkyface · 06/09/2016 14:41

These women are completely under the control of their husbands because they have no money of their own.

Have you ever considered that not all men are twats and maybe people have joint accounts and the women can do what they want with the cash just as much as the men can?

You're massively generalising here.

YelloDraw · 06/09/2016 14:41

If you will be earning millions what's the issue?
Um, she would rather be the one that gets to spend it, not the one to earn it.
Can't say I blame her!

90daychallenger · 06/09/2016 14:42

Mitzy But the wives of the investment bankers have got a lot further to fall.

foxtrotoscarfoxtrotfoxtrot · 06/09/2016 14:42

Been there done that got the t-shirt. I'd much rather have wasted my youth on a decent poorer man who treated me well, than the wealthy one who didn't. I gave up a good career to do literally everything at home so all he had to do was go to work and come home again. In return he treated me like a servant and traded me in for someone half my age.

The sad thing - pretty much all the men he worked with at his level were carbon copy bastards.

He wasn't wealthy when I married him - I had more assets and an equally well paid job. Oh to turn back time ad still have those....

Be careful what you wish for.

acasualobserver · 06/09/2016 14:42

You sound lovely and I'm sure lots of rich men would find you highly desirable. Go for it!

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 06/09/2016 14:43

It sounds like a shallow unfulfilling life to me. I don't get why any woman would ever want to be financally dependent on anyone. I am fiercly independent and would hate it. I would give anything to be with a guy who I love and adore and who loves and adores me back. Fuck the money, peace of mind is worth so much more.

Original poster

ChegPasty · 06/09/2016 14:43

I consider myself very much told indeed!

I know I'm obviously being a horrid creature for thinking that way but it does just get on my tits to absolutely work my balls off to get to a point in life where I can enjoy nice things, like security not just materialistic things, and then I speak to one of the wives (in my job it is mostly men and none of them are gay - openly anyways) and they have that security I am working so hard for and have got it by doing piss all.

I'm in a funk, I assure you I'm not a bad person and am also not stuck in the 1950s. Although, in my job everybody else seems to be when it comes to gender roles.

OP posts:

CRazzyyAce · 06/09/2016 14:43

I love the bones of my DH we aren't wealthy but we are rich in many other ways, we have three lovely children, a nice place we call home and each other. I dont need expensive items to feel secure.

SleepDeprivedAndCranky · 06/09/2016 14:44

I married for love not money. We all dream of being financially stable and not having to worry about the bills but for most, there's no such thing as a 'free' lunch, people work hard to earn their wages and it's an added bonus if you love your work. The people who earn 'big' money usually have to sacrifice spending time with family/friends/having a good social life. They study/work for many years to get to a point where they earn big bucks. If your dh was a high earner, how would you have changed your career path? If your heart is in your chosen profession, it would'nt make a difference what your dh earns. Be happy with your life, it sounds pretty good.

MitzyLeFrouf · 06/09/2016 14:44

But the wives of the investment bankers have got a lot further to fall.

And much bigger settlements to look forward to!

DollyBarton · 06/09/2016 14:45

If you want money then you go out and make it which it sounds like you are lining yourself up to do. So I don't know what the issue is.

To be honest I'd be ashamed to say I expected a man to make money to fund a rich lifestyle for me. I'm perfectly capable of doing that myself if it's what I want.

Original poster

ChegPasty · 06/09/2016 14:45

Just to add, I don't want to stay at home and look after the house, I want to be sunning it on an island or skiing somewhere incredible.

I jest, of course. deadly serious

OP posts:

90daychallenger · 06/09/2016 14:45

milkyface Absolutely and I'm sure there are many couples where this absolutely is the case.
I still don't think it's something to envy that this money, to which these women may have equal access and with which are able to do anything, is coming from completely and entirely from someone else. I think women should always look at a worst case scenario- what is he has an affair? What if he does turn into a bastard? No-one ever imagines it'll happen to them.
The point about pension provision still stands also, it's not just about the here and now money but the future money as well.

BrieAndChilli · 06/09/2016 14:45

I know how you feel - we rent and earn enough to live a bog standard life (which I know is more than a lot of people!!) but sometimes I look at the other mums at the kids school (in a rich area) and envy the fact that they married men who went on to have well paid careers, mostly pure luck as they met at yni etc just like me and DH except their husbands didn't drop out!!
There are a million reasons as have been pointed out on this thread already to stop being jealous etc but sometimes it's hard not to wonder if you had made a different choice how different your life could be

user1470584717 · 06/09/2016 14:45

It sounds they are already miles better off than lots of woman (or men) who don't have the luxuries AND have to work really hard AND can not afford personal pensions.

Some of us might feel more fulfill/happy by having a career than wearing nice shoes and clothes. I hate shopping so I prefer to do the job I enjoy (although not every part of it) than window shopping.

Cocklodger · 06/09/2016 14:46

YABVU.
Incredibly few people start out making zillions.
When I met DH he was on under 5p an hour above minimum wage. Our joint incomes were under 30k and when he became an apprentice, that dropped substantially to just 21k pa.
a decade later he owns his own businesses, could take more of a salary if he wanted to but currently takes a salary (after tax) of almost 100kPA, which is soon to almost double (175kpa) I still work full time because I'm well aware shit can go tits up, both business wise and relationship wise. I love him the same as I did when I met him, our relationship is amazing and yes I prefer OUR life with money. But if he lost everything tomorrow I'd love him just the same.
I find your OP quite upsetting really. Do you only care for money? is your partner really just a 'man' to you? interchangeable for the sake of a few numbers?

RestlessTraveller · 06/09/2016 14:48

Have some pride and earn your own!

StillDrSethHazlittMD · 06/09/2016 14:49

What is the female version of a cocklodger?

shovetheholly · 06/09/2016 14:49

It's about values, isn't it?

My best friend is with a guy who has a few million. (She is awesome and works at her own career). She has two expensive homes, flies business everywhere, has lovely clothes, a cleaner, eats out at amazing restaurants etc. She very much needs all of that stuff to be happy. However, I could not live her life. It comes at a cost of basically having to live with and organised a guy who is work-obsessed to the point of pathology: he is incredibly untidy, who never lifts a finger round the house and who often inadvertently behaves like a man-child. While they have a nice life from the outside, when you look at it close up, there are lots of stresses and strains between them and they are constantly in a level of chaos that I find upsetting even to be around for a short time. I would much rather have a man like DH who is competent, collected, calm, and who pulled his weight - those things are worth more than gold! However, that's partly because I really don't value things like expensive clothes and cars, and I wouldn't buy them even if I have squillions. (I would buy old books and old wine and rare plants!).

You will have more financial security when you're qualified, and that will make a big difference to your lives together. It is really hard when you are struggling along without enough to really get by, and a little bit of extra money makes a huge difference. After a certain point, the extra cash doesn't really increase your happiness as much as it does when you are proportionally poorer, because it doesn't make as much difference unless you're the type that HAS to drive a Ferrari.

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