Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Want a Richer Man?

230 replies

ChegPasty · 06/09/2016 14:14

Obviously I am but do any of you ever feel this way?

My DH is incredible by anyone's standards, couldn't fault him. His parents are not particularly wealthy and he has a below average salary. We get by and he's not tight with the money he does have.

I'm slowly qualifying in a career that comes with a large salary. It will be a while before I get there but I work alongside lots with million + salaries. They're mostly men with wives who don't have to work and they have incredible lives (from the outside). They walk around in designer clothes and shoes, holiday for most of the year and go 1st class or private, drive flash cars, they have beautiful homes and want for nothing.

AIBU to want in on this even though I have a man who adores me? I work ridiculously hard long hours and couldn't even imagine spending the amount of money some of these women do on a pair of shoes and I sometimes wonder what the point is.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChegPasty · 06/09/2016 14:50

Another add-on: I won't be earning millions, unfortunately. I will be comfortable if all goes to plan and I don't mess everything up but unless we win the lottery I will never have that lifestyle but will always work alongside those with it.

OP posts:
YelloDraw · 06/09/2016 14:50

Have some pride and earn your own!

She bloody is! She is on track to work exceedingly hard, harder than most people on here can picture.

MitzyLeFrouf · 06/09/2016 14:52

I can well imagine that heads can get turned when working with the uber rich.

minipie · 06/09/2016 14:53

they have that security I am working so hard for

No they don't. Affair and divorce rates are sky high among high earning men. And the wives won't necessarily get a good settlement - that's no longer the norm.

Also the wives won't be off skiing or on a beach. They'll be looking after the DCs (admittedly they may have some help) and doing Pilates and decorating the house - because the million plus earning chap will expect his wife, children and house to be perfect on the rare occasions he is home.

And the wives might actually miss their DHs.

Patsy99 · 06/09/2016 14:53

Yanbu to want a richer man, financial security is a good thing.

But:-

  • if you had a DH earning that kind of money you would hardly never see him, is that what you want?
  • you'd probably end up doing everything at home and with the kids. That can be lonely and perhaps not for you
  • lots of men with those kinds of salaries/hours end up divorced from the stress of work & lack of intimacy.

You sound like you have a lovely DH and can earn good money yourself. I'd count your blessings.

Arseicle · 06/09/2016 14:54

A person providing everything for you (food, clothes, shelter) whilst you have no independent way of getting these things for yourself puts you in a pretty subordinate position. These women are completely under the control of their husbands because they have no money of their own

What the fucking fuck is wrong with you? I SAH for the moment, I have no independent income right now. I am subordinate to fucking NO-ONE and am not under anyones control. How fucking dare you insult me and every other woman who is not working for whatever reason?
Fucks sake.

MitzyLeFrouf · 06/09/2016 14:54

the million plus earning chap will expect his wife, children and house to be perfect on the rare occasions he is home.

I'm sure there are some high earners who aren't utter tossers!

ManonLescaut · 06/09/2016 14:55

and they have that security I am working so hard for and have got it by doing piss all

They have fuck and keep house though don't they. And spend an awful lot of time on self-maintenance.

OjosCansados · 06/09/2016 14:55

I don't think the op has said anywhere that she doesn't love her dh, just that she'd quite like to have money without having to go through the ball ache of actually earning it herself!

Op I'm not going to give you a sanctimonious lecture and make you feel worse about yourself... There's nothing wrong with having the odd self-pitying thought like that, it's just envy, a perfectly human emotion, and one which everyone's allowed to feel from time to time! What you do with that though is slightly different... So long as you check yourself and remember all the good things you have going on in your life including your lovely dh, all's good.

Original poster
ChegPasty · 06/09/2016 14:56

I'm not a bad person but sometimes it can be a slap in the face to be sitting there at my desk with my boots meal deal (paid for by advantage card obviously) after a couple of hours sleep due to working most of the night to then be faced with a goddess of a woman dressed head to toe in designer clobber, fresh from her midweek break to the south of France, carrying her harrods shopping bags turning up to go to lunch somewhere insanely fabulous with her husband (who I work with).

I suppose the point is though, if I was mega rich I'd want to share all of the joys that would bring with my DH and no one else. Which I suppose wouldn't go down too well with the rich man I married Grin along with the polygamy.

OP posts:
Caipora · 06/09/2016 14:56

Some people always want more. It's time to stop and look at the things in life that are important. You're having a midlife crisis.

couldn't even imagine spending the amount of money some of these women do on a pair of shoes and I sometimes wonder what the point is.

There is no point, it is a empty void that they fill with shoes.

MitzyLeFrouf · 06/09/2016 14:56

I agree Ojos.

Trills · 06/09/2016 14:57

I find your post quite unpleasant and I think I've worked out why.

It's because you aren't wishing for just more money
(I'm sure many of us would enjoy having more money)

You're wishing for a richer man.

Why is that?

Why is it a richer MAN that you wish for?

FlyingElbows · 06/09/2016 14:57

"subordinate" and "under control"? Mr Elbows is going to piss himself laughing at that bullshit! I married a nice man, I am not a possession or a slave.

herecomesthsun · 06/09/2016 14:58

This was my advice from my beloved Welsh grandmother:

"Never! Be Beholden! To A Man!"

and

"Get ! Yourself! An Ed-u-cation!"

It was very good advice Grin

Evilstepmum01 · 06/09/2016 14:59

If things are important to you, then good luck OP, well done for working so hard.
Me, my DH and I work for a charity and earn enough to keep ourselves and DCs and pets. We live in social housing and pay our bills with sometimes enough left over for treats. But you know what, we're happy.
Then you have my identical twin sister. LEts call her Jo. She married a man she admitted she doesnt love. She has a house she can barely pay the mortgage on in the 'right' part of town and a wardrobe full of posh clothes. She works part time and they have two cars. She posts on fb the expensive things her husband buys for her. But, and heres the kicker.....shes not happy.

So, go for it OP, but bear in mind that money doesnt equal happiness. Stick with your lovely, poor husband and live a little.
No one will stand at your grave and say 'Oh, she had lovely shoes'.

Trills · 06/09/2016 15:00

When I want to be off sunning myself on a yacht I dream of a lottery win or similar. Not a rich man.

swisschocolate · 06/09/2016 15:01

Actually some women married to very rich men are being financially abused.

I was at a charity auction/dinner thing. £2k a table. Couple I vaguely know, massive house, 2.children private school were there.

He bid in auction for an item that was £450. 5 mins later I went to the loo and someone was in tears in the loo. It was her. She broke down and said that last week he had refused to let her have £5 to buy the baby a hat and that she had no acccess at all to any money other that what she was given each day. .

Zame · 06/09/2016 15:01

Wow some people are harsh! The way I interpreted the post was that op basically wants more money and doesn't fancy working hard to get it, hence wishing it was her husband that was rich. I'm pretty sure loads of people would love to be rolling in it without putting in the effort, nothing wrong with dreaming as long as she's not pissed off with her husband for not actually being able to do that! Im guessing a lottery win would also be just as good?

MitzyLeFrouf · 06/09/2016 15:03

Actually some women married to very rich men are being financially abused.

Of course some of them are. Women across all strata of society are financially abused. Having a wealthy husband doesn't protect you from that. I doubt it makes it more likely though.

DixieWishbone · 06/09/2016 15:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1471443066 · 06/09/2016 15:05

No - both my Bro-in-laws are very well paid and I wouldn't live with them .....no way. Even very privileged lives can be boring and awkward and tedious. Nope....give me a funny man that loves me and makes me laugh and is hot in bed and fun to be around, any day, if he happens to be rich, that would be handy, but definitely not the highest priority.

Depend on yourself to be rich.

expatinscotland · 06/09/2016 15:05

YABU.

Arseicle · 06/09/2016 15:06

Actually some women married to very rich men are being financially abused

And some women married to very poor men are being financially abused. But the pp said that rich wives are all financially abused just by having rich husbands. Which is patently ridiculous.

Original poster
ChegPasty · 06/09/2016 15:06

Yes, Zame, it would be!

Fair play to MNetters for calling me on my vulgarity. Never really thought of my job changing me but I think it definitely is. The woman I was when DH met me didn't give a shit about material things and our favourite pastime was drinking wine from a box and sneaking in through back doors of clubs. Never really considered how he might be viewing me now. Thanks for the reality check!

OP posts: