Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10

Original poster

To Want a Richer Man?

230 replies

ChegPasty · 06/09/2016 14:14

Obviously I am but do any of you ever feel this way?

My DH is incredible by anyone's standards, couldn't fault him. His parents are not particularly wealthy and he has a below average salary. We get by and he's not tight with the money he does have.

I'm slowly qualifying in a career that comes with a large salary. It will be a while before I get there but I work alongside lots with million + salaries. They're mostly men with wives who don't have to work and they have incredible lives (from the outside). They walk around in designer clothes and shoes, holiday for most of the year and go 1st class or private, drive flash cars, they have beautiful homes and want for nothing.

AIBU to want in on this even though I have a man who adores me? I work ridiculously hard long hours and couldn't even imagine spending the amount of money some of these women do on a pair of shoes and I sometimes wonder what the point is.

OP posts:

OjosCansados · 06/09/2016 15:22

When I first met one of my best friends I was staggered by her amazing lifestyle. Fast forward a few years and I remember her being in tears one night saying that she had been conditioned to want everything she currently has all her life. And now she's living her childhood dream but there's just one problem... She doesn't fancy her dh and while she loves him she fantasises all the time about sleeping with other people.

RockinHippy · 06/09/2016 15:22

Oh FFS - get iff your backside & gonearn the million dollar salary yourself

Arseicle · 06/09/2016 15:22

Everyone who tells you that money doesn't buy happiness is right

No, they are just buying the wrong shit. No-one actually believes that, of course money makes you happy. Great holidays..happy! Provide for your children without stress..happy! Lovely meals out and nice house etc...happy!

What they actually mean is that money can't shield you from unhappiness, but even then it can help an awful lot.

MitzyLeFrouf · 06/09/2016 15:23

Being repulsed by my husband would be a bit of a deal breaker for me!

monkeygone · 06/09/2016 15:23

Wonderful if you don't feel any desire for expensive stuff, but quite understandable if you do!

So I would be right to question why it is so important then, right? Since it's wonderful not to feel that!

Without getting into whether she's an anomaly or not, she has started this thread and mentioned expensive shoes, designer clothes, nice cars, etc. (meaningless material goods in other words) multiple times. So my point stands. She needs to examine why those things create such envy in her.

AnUtterIdiot · 06/09/2016 15:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

monkeygone · 06/09/2016 15:25

What they actually mean is that money can't shield you from unhappiness, but even then it can help an awful lot.

I'm not so sure. I think the "money can't buy you happiness" cliche is true above a certain level (as alluded to by a PP actually). Okay, life is no doubt easier if you're comfortable rather than poor, but beyond that, being mega-rich doesn't really change much, in my opinion.

Canyouforgiveher · 06/09/2016 15:26

Fuck that, I would HATE being pampered and "kept" on my husband's salary and rarely take from him when I can help it. In fact, I earn several £k more than him, I'm guaranteed a pay increment every year and my earning potential is far higher. He, however, is secure, loves his job and it's what his mental health requires. A more stressful job would ruin him.

So if you husband earns less than you does he feel "pampered and kept"? Or is that only for the women? Honestly a lot of this is so insulting to spouses who earn less or stay at home with children.

RockinHippy · 06/09/2016 15:27

Oops, premature posting, soddin cat

...

Oh FFS - get iff your backside & go earn the million dollar salary yourself, why does it have to be your DHs that should earn a high salary, because YOU are the shallow needy one??

I've worked with those types of men too - I earned well, but no way in hell would I have given it up & want to be one of the spoilt princesses in the ivory towers that their spouses were. The guys were always having affairs too, which the wives frequently knew about, but turned a blind eye too for the sake if financial status - personally I would have more respect for a hooker

YelloDraw · 06/09/2016 15:30

Everyone who tells you that money doesn't buy happiness is right

Bullshit.

Money buys you opportunities and solutions to your problems. It might not exactly buy you happiness but it can go a long way to removing problems in your life that are making you unhappy!

In a shit relationship - rather have the cash to get a house/flat of my own than be stuck living with a twat.

Health issues - rather have access to private healthcare.

Feeling overwhelmed by keeping on top of domestic things - rather have the ash to buy extra childcare, cleaning etc

Teenager having MH issues? Rather have access to private counselling, opportunity to take away on a nice holiday, money to put them in a more suitable school etc

No one seriously WANTS to be poor do they?

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 06/09/2016 15:30

I say good job on the training and career path.

I do think it is a shame, though, that at the core, women aren't happy with their own success and achievements if they aren't partnered with a higher earner. Your success matters too!

MGFM · 06/09/2016 15:32

I think some people are taking this thread a bit too seriously. I read it as the oP just sort of day dreaming.

Anyway, to offer a different perspective. I could never have married a low earner/person who was unable to earn decent money/or person who lacked motivation to do so. I watched my dad flit between badly paid job, no job, wasting money on ideas, losing money, back to badly paid job all my childhood whilst the burden of responsibility fell on my mother. It still does. He hasn't worked in years, only has state pension while she is still slogging her guts out. I always swore, at the very least I would pick a husband who earned what I earned. Didn't need to be more than me, but it needed to be equal. Luckily I fell in love with my DH who does earn what I earn. I have no intention of ever giving up my job. Due to my childhood I think I would resent it if I was carrying the financial burden. Having said all of that, a few years ago I was at a particular point in my career were depending on my effort , I wold get a bonus. Bonus was results based. I worked my ass of for 18 months to ensure that I got the most I could possibly get which ensured the honeymoon of a lifetime for us. fast forward to this year, DH needed to sit an exam which required about 4-5 weeks prep in order to be considered for promotion. I was encouraging him to set the date for the exam so he could start to prep. One day, whilst playing with our son he said ' I don't think I can be bothered to do the exam' well, that did not go down well with me at all. I politely reminded him of how much effort I had to put in to get the bonus a few years before and told him it was unacceptable for him to not bother when the promotion was in our family's interest. There was a bonus attached to the exam which we needed and the promotion had lots of added benefits (although difference in pay would be little). He booked the exam and passed. And was really pleased with himself. And I was very proud.
Probably a little off topic but i don't know how I would have dealt with it if he just didn't bother.

AllieinWonderland · 06/09/2016 15:32

RockinHippy in what way is OP sat around on her backside?

OjosCansados · 06/09/2016 15:33

My wealthy friends seem to have such complicated lifestyles... Rushing about on 45 minute commutes to their dc's 'essential' private schools when there's a bus pick up to the local (ofsted outstanding) comp at the bottom of their road. Pony club meets and shows every weekends, au pair and nanny angst, huge houses that forever need design decisions as well as work doing on them... Agonising over holiday plans to anywhere they want in the world... It's a bit like shopping in Aldi and Lidl: less choice, decisions made, and swiftly done and home in time for an extra g&t before supper

OjosCansados · 06/09/2016 15:34

I should say, that having to make less decisions is exemplified by the Aldi/Lidl shopping experience!

midsomermurderess · 06/09/2016 15:34

FlyingElbows, 'despise' is very strong and actually very unpleasant.

ManonLescaut · 06/09/2016 15:38

There really is no kind of shit that I haven't bought.

I've had better holidays on a scruffy farm in Wales than in 5* hotels.

YelloDraw · 06/09/2016 15:40

What are you all classing as high income/wealthy/well paid

I'm probably thinking £200k outside of london and £400k inside london would be my idea of the kind of income where you can afford a nice house, nice cars, boarding schools of you want and several very nice holidays a year.

GingerbreadGingerbread · 06/09/2016 15:41

I want to pay off my mortgage and have enough left over each month to enjoy life. I have no desire for designer clothes even if I was a millionaire I wouldn't buy or wear them. It's a piss take! Different strokes for different folks I guess.

MitzyLeFrouf · 06/09/2016 15:41

I doubt you could afford a nice house in London plus boarding schools on a 400K salary.

amusedbush · 06/09/2016 15:42

Canyouforgiveher

I genuinely didn't mean it to be insulting, life is about choices and I don't judge anyone else's. I am just personally uncomfortable having money spent on me - I don't even like friends buying me a coffee! We were dirt poor growing up and I have worked hard, studied in my own time alongside my job and been promoted a couple of times.

I was really talking about the lifestyle in the OP, where people were being lavished with designer labels, etc. I wasn't considering any other "lifestyles" at all when I commented.

YelloDraw · 06/09/2016 15:43

I've had better holidays on a scruffy farm in Wales than in 5 hotels.*

Great. And you have had the opportunity to know that and you can choose to holiday in your preferred fashion.

if everyone thought camping on a farm in unpredictable English weather was a better holiday than 2 weeks in Barbados in a hotel on the beech... Well we wouldn't have quite such full planes!

ManonLescaut · 06/09/2016 15:43

Money buys you opportunities and solutions to your problems

I have already said that there is a difference between having enough money to be comfortable, and aspiring to the kind of luxurious lifestyle that the OP is after. In other words, materialism as a source of happiness.

I've also said that insufficient money causes stress, that was my experience growing up and my impetus to earn.

YelloDraw · 06/09/2016 15:45

But what is comfortable? To not have to think before spending money is a nice position to be in.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 06/09/2016 15:46

I want more money, more holidays and more high quality goods. DP is skint (SAHD), so shoot me|!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10