About DH and football every Sunday

[BorisMcBoakface]

Really interested in opinions on whether I am being U.

DH and I both work FT (I am about to go back after mat leave in 3 weeks time). We have a 3yo and an 8mo and while we both adore them, we are older parents and we both admit that we sometimes find parenting frustrating and exhausting, particularly this bit with the baby needs and the toddler discipline stuff.

The issue is that my DH manages a football team every Sunday, from 12ish to 6ish. He does this every single Sunday, except for a few bank holidays and an eight week gap in the summer. That means I am in sole charge of both kids for most of the day every Sunday, and it's starting to piss me off. I do arrange stuff with friends most weekends, but it just doesn't feel very fair. I would love six hours every weekend to do anything I like!

I know I could theoretically announce I'm going to bugger off for six hours every Saturday, say, but I don't want to do that - I want the kids to have at least some family time/days out with all 4 of us together.

DH is adamant that the football team is his one passion, and he shouldn't be made to give it up.

What would you do about this? Can anyone suggest a compromise? It's causing an increasing no of rows between us.

Well done. Home games only seems fair. At least it'll be less time away then.

Yay!

And still take some Saturdays/Sundays for yourself.

Even if it is just closing a door and being unavailable while you read/play games/watch TV/sew.

Also, once you are back at work, the early evening is a great time to get some space -heading out straight after work and coming home after bedtime is very freeing.

It really does help to take some time.

Also taking one child each on weekend days.

It's great that he can continue to do something he likes without being a dick about it.

I hope it works out :)

That sounds like a better outcome op and a reasonable compromise.

Thanks guys. The many good suggestions on here definitely helped me be calmer when discussing it all with him - I did present a variety of the compromises mentioned. Thanks to you all, really helpful

OP, I had the exact same situation. My DH played football every Saturday often out 8 hours leaving me with the baby. It was really, really hard to accept and it pissed me off to no end. The thing is when a partner decides they are going to swan off doing something fun, they also decide what their DP will be doing, which is looking after their kids. Why should the OP be the default carer for such a large chunk of every Sunday of every weekend? How on earth is that fair? Looking after 2 such little ones is bloody HARD work not to mention the time missed out with the kids. The only way to get your DH to get it OP, us to go out EVERY Saturday for 6 hours. See how long the message takes to sink in.

Hurrah, really pleased to hear that, op.

Sorry, missed the update, good news!

Good solution (although a little surprised he can opt in and out of managing a team tbh but great that he can)

When we had our kids I gave up my career (I still work, but women aged 35+ are not a priority for promotion in my job..), my figure, my sleep for six years, my breasts, many of my friends, my social life and my hobbies. We have four kids under six. It's not forever, and I've done it willingly and I'm sure eventually I'll be able to do all that stuff again, but it's too hard when you're trying to breastfeed and juggle life on no sleep.

My husband has given up....... Cricket. If he'd have not done this willingly there would have been strong words.

When you have a family you make sacrifices. All too often it's the women making head sacrifices.

I'm glad you and your husband have come to a compromise OP. Please ensure you have something lovely planned for yourself every second Sunday so he can see how tough it is, so he can suddenly change his mind and so you can have a proper break.