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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to celebrate puberty!

199 replies

Italiangreyhound · 02/09/2016 01:59

AIBU to want to celebrate puberty!

My children's, not mine!

For girls it would be the start of their periods; for boys, voice breaking?

I don't mean without their consent, e.g. telling people they've started their periods or their voice has broken! I mean finding out ways to celebrate these miles stones.

Any ideas?

I would like my daughter to feel proud her periods once they have started and not sad or that it is 'unmentionable'.

Interested to hear any people experiences.

Thanks.

OP posts:
minatiae · 02/09/2016 02:21

I think you need to ask your kids what they want.

I would have hated this. I didn't even tell my mum when I started my period, never have and never wanted to have a conversation about periods with anyone, never mind celebrating!

jajsjxjfiflkekejdjjx · 02/09/2016 02:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

EddieStobbart · 02/09/2016 02:32

I would have totally freaked out, that would have been my worst nightmare. I'm going to emphases to my DDs that it doesn't represent some radical change, they just need some sanitary protection and they are the same people they were before.

sycamore54321 · 02/09/2016 02:32

Another who would have hated every second of any such thing. Your children need support according to their own needs and personalities. I'm sure there are some children who would like this approach but thinking of my circle of friends at that age, such personalities would have been very much in the minority. Be very very sure your children would enjoy and benefit from this approach before you roll it out.

EddieStobbart · 02/09/2016 02:33

I only found it hard because it seemed to represent a "big change" and I was quite happy as I was.

elephantoverthehill · 02/09/2016 02:35

It is celebrated in some cultures, eg Tamil, but I think it is essentially marking the fact that you daughter is nubile. I would not go there personally.

Tworingsandamicrowave · 02/09/2016 02:54

I remember reading about 'period parties' a while ago and really hoped that it was a joke but apparently not. I think it's a horrible idea. It's not that I was ashamed but the thought of people being at a gathering to celebrate my first period would have freaked me out.

Each to their own though and just make sure your DC are totally on board for anything you plan; teens are so easily embarrassed.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/09/2016 02:55

It would be nice. In an ideal world. Your dcs have been brought up in a society, where a lot is unmentionable or taboo. I would have hated this. The most important thing is that you are their rock, to confide in and if you go against their wishes, this could be jeopardised.

My mother made me give her my used sanitary towels to burn on the fire. She's fucking weird/narcissistic. It was incredibly embarrassing and demeaning to know that my father knew when I had my period. Nothing to celebrate for me.

Tworingsandamicrowave · 02/09/2016 02:58

Moonparty

Motherfuckers · 02/09/2016 03:09

I am so glad that my children just took all these things in their stride, maybe it's because I didn't make a fucking song and dance about it.

Motherfuckers · 02/09/2016 03:11

And why would she feel "pride" in her periods? It is not an achievement, she has nothing to do with it.

Rumpelstiltskin143 · 02/09/2016 03:14

OMG how nauseatingly cringy is this. Proud of her periods? Good God.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/09/2016 03:20

My first period, and many subsequent, was absolutely agonizing. Celebrating wouldn't really have featured.

Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 02/09/2016 05:16

Oh dear what negative comments.

I am sorry for those who found periods agonizing or very unpleasant. I didn't so maybe my view on periods is a bit different. Plus after many years of fertility issues, periods were not such a terrible thing for me.

"I would like my daughter to feel proud her periods once they have started and not sad or that it is 'unmentionable'." I mean proud of her ability to handle them, to feel it is all natural and not a bad thing.

Of course I would not embarrassed her, if she did not want to discuss it, I would not. My dd and I talk about loads of things so why should this be any different?

Anyway, anyone got any positive comments I'd be delighted to hear them.

Or is this how it always has to go on AIBU negative comments first...

OP posts:
SabineUndine · 02/09/2016 05:23

Maybe you should just listen to what we are all telling you? You did ask if you were being unreasonable. Yes, YABU. Puberty is an extremely private process and the best thing you can do is be sensitive to that. My mother told everyone when my periods started. I was furious and humiliated. It was nobody else's business but mine.

claraschu · 02/09/2016 05:28

My Dutch friends tell me lots of people there have a cake and a small party- quite normal. They aren't embarrassed be sex, nudity, or bodily functions though, which is obviously very different from the prevailing culture here.

ittooshallpass · 02/09/2016 05:33

Maybe if you explained how you would celebrate that would help?

The idea of standing around having a drink to celebrate a preiod sounds very odd. I'm sure that's not what you mean... so how do you propose to celebrate?

Another thought... it was an agonising wait for menstruation for some girls at my school. How would they feel about attending period parties? It's bad enough when those ttc have to attend christening and baby showers... this seems a bit similar to that...

Motherfuckers · 02/09/2016 05:33

Not having a period party makes British people embarrassed by normal bodily functions clarascu? Hmm

VioletBam · 02/09/2016 05:35

I've told my DD that when she starts hers she can have a ring with a small diamond in it.

I want her to equate the experience with a nice, special thing...it's full-on starting your periods. Your body is in shock and you're emotional.

I want to recognise that.

She's thrilled by the idea OP. She loves jewellery and has often asked about having a real gold ring etc.

Now, when hers begin, she wont' just be in pain or emotional...she'll think GREAT! Now I get my ring!

NoobThebrave · 02/09/2016 05:43

Many years ago I read a book about raising boys and many cultures have a celebration of maturing and a right of passage; camping in the wild, a gift...... There was if I recall some discussion that these cultures have less problems with wayward teen behaviour as they are made to feel important and grown up.....can see both side tbh....what ever works for your child. I would have hated any public 'celebration' but can also remember many difficult years where I felt neither child nor adult 😕

Houseconfusion · 02/09/2016 05:56

Someone I know very well had a menarche party for her daughter. Went rather well actually and plenty of gifts were involved

phillipp · 02/09/2016 06:02

Both my kids (Dd 12 and Ds 5) know what periods are why women have them. I am not embarrassed by then. Neither am I proud of them. They are a normal bodily function.

No I wouldn't have a party. I may do something with Dd privately. Personally I found it scary, I felt like I has truly stopped being a child, which I wasn't ready for. I will be letting Dd lead in how it's handled.

I don't think if you don't put on a public show, it makes embarrassed. I am not embarrassed by my birthday, wedding anniversary etc even though I don't publicly celebrate everyone.

donajimena · 02/09/2016 06:04

I didn't start mine until I was 14.. I felt 'left out' I'd have hated to have celebrated.

soisolated · 02/09/2016 06:07

I am in total agreement with you Italiangreyhound, my dd has just started puberty.

I remember it being a scary time for me, my mother was not around and I did not cope well. I was ashamed, alone and embarrassed and that is not how I want my dd to feel.

I am going to take her away for the night to celebrate just the two of us and buy her something lovely to keep. We will celebrate in a private way as it is an amazing and special thing not to be embarrassed of. Yes it is private and up to her who she wants to share it with but not something ignore and move on without acknowledging

MakemineaGandT · 02/09/2016 06:08

I remember reading a book as a teenager about an American family who had a party like this for their English evacuee (it was a lovely book about a girl who was evacuated to the States and had a wonderful few years with a lovely family, and then had trouble readjusting when she came home.......I can't remember what it was called - anyone else remember?!). Anyway, the fact I remember this snippet is because it struck me as so odd when I read it! I guess it is well-intentioned though.

I do understand what you're trying to do though, but if it was me perhaps I'd just do something one to one with my daughter - perhaps take her for a nice lunch or cinema trip or something......