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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to celebrate puberty!

199 replies

Italiangreyhound · 02/09/2016 01:59

AIBU to want to celebrate puberty!

My children's, not mine!

For girls it would be the start of their periods; for boys, voice breaking?

I don't mean without their consent, e.g. telling people they've started their periods or their voice has broken! I mean finding out ways to celebrate these miles stones.

Any ideas?

I would like my daughter to feel proud her periods once they have started and not sad or that it is 'unmentionable'.

Interested to hear any people experiences.

Thanks.

OP posts:
Geronimooooo · 02/09/2016 14:12

Got it!
For drinks you can have red juice thickened with syrup to make it look like period blood! (sarcasm)

PotteringAlong · 02/09/2016 14:14

I might have never spoken to my mother again...

corythatwas · 02/09/2016 14:19

How would you like your children to celebrate your menopause? Because I take it you don't see this milestone as something unmentionable.

(actually, now I think of it, if you do want to get in a nice bottle, dd, and maybe some chocolates I'd probably be up for it...)

bbcessex · 02/09/2016 14:27

My DD started her periods when she was 10. Nothing to be celebrated there.

Obviously having a working reproductive system is useful at times but at primary school, no. Periods are inconvenient and pointless most of a woman's life and I wish there was a non-hatmful way of turning them off for young girls.

Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 02/09/2016 14:50

EJsqidge91 "When my sister and I started our periods, my mum went and bought us both our first bottles of 'adult' perfume, to celebrate us being women. Mine was DKNY woman, and I still buy it to this day. Will be doing the same for my daughter, as I personally loved it and it's something I will never forget."

Wow that is a fab one, really good.

MLGs re "A bit like a blowing your nose party?" well celebrating is to do with starting periods, a once off, so if I only ever blew my nose once in my life I may way celebrate with a party! However, I never mentioned a party to celebrate my dd starting periods. Grin Yes, the voice breaking thing is harder to pin down!

Glad to be of service Beeziekn33ze but I won't be telling neighbours!

It's actually, I think, perhaps because I am a feminist that I see a point to 'celebrating' something uniquely female, which is generally not 'celebrated' in our patriarchal society!

It's also convinced me that I may be right in thinking the first to a thread are sometimes a bit negative as so many positive comments later on.

OP posts:
AmysTiara · 02/09/2016 15:11

Well you know your own daughter best and know how she will react but I would have hated this. Seriously hated it!

BlueLeopard · 02/09/2016 15:11

The perfume idea is a lovely one, as is a small bit of jewellery. I don't have daughters but if I did, I think that a nice lunch and a perfume shopping trip (maybe a few days afterwards if she was finding her first period tricky)

I'd like to throw a menopause party when the time comes. A uterus shaped piñata to batter the shit out of, bloody mary's all round and a ceremonial burning of the mooncup perhaps?

IsItJustFuck1ngMe · 02/09/2016 15:22

1000 cringes. Just no, I would have hid in my room until my Mother dropped this awful idea.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 02/09/2016 15:36

I feel the opposite as a feminist. I can't see anything to celebrate in something messy, uncomfortable, often painful, possibly requiring medication, plus the cost of towels etc, none of which men have to put up with.

Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 02/09/2016 15:36

Blue love this idea.... I'd like to throw a menopause party when the time comes. A uterus shaped piñata to batter the shit out of, bloody mary's all round and a ceremonial burning of the mooncup perhaps?

OP posts:
Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 02/09/2016 15:36

Actually I felt a tiny bit if sadness when my periods stopped....

OP posts:
Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 02/09/2016 15:37

EJsqidge91 this is such a great idea about the perfume it was worth braving this whole thread for! Thank you.

OP posts:
FarAwayHills · 02/09/2016 15:48

Celebrate - no
Be Proud - of what?

Emphasise that life can carry on as normal as much as possible and not make it out to be some awful burden than is inflicted on women - Yes

LightDrizzle · 02/09/2016 16:20

Another person who would have loathed it. I was close to my mum but around puberty, my need for privacy suddenly became overwhelming, my need for my mum to knock on the door and not see me undressed; not to talk about periods and stuff was intense and innate, it wasn't a result of her values or attitude, she would have loved it. I was mortified by all attempts.

While not universal, these feelings seem to be so common that I suspect they have sound biological evolutionary foundations. With my own eldest daughter, we had period conversations long before the age when they were imminent and she was wary of talking about them, sanitary supplies were in her room for a long time. When it arrived, I was very low key about it. As she's got older she chooses to confide I me more and more about everything, - sometimes to the point when I want to stick my fingers in my ears and go "La-la-la". However I suspect that had I tried to force that kind of intimacy, I might have pushed it away.

LightDrizzle · 02/09/2016 16:24

I would be led by your daughter, if she bursts in looking excited "Mum, Mum! I got my period!" - then she's invited excited congratulations. If she's low-key or abashed then keep it low-key in response. "How are you feeling? Can I get you anything?". She will share if she wants to, you aren't shutting her off but you aren't flooding her.

SpanishLady · 02/09/2016 16:38

What about having a nice box/basket ready for her with pads, nice knickers (tonnes of pain killers - only joking) chocolate etc - I'm making this up as I go!!! And just make it a warm, safe ' girls only' time and crack if she has any questions - got the facts straight. Maybe buy her something like a nice necklace of something but no I wouldn't have a party ( not by the way that you said that) - for me it should be about reassuring your daughter, checking she knows what it means and how to look after herself during her periods and yes acknowledging it's the start of another phase for her but she's going to have literally tonnes of periods so best to get used to it being part of life!

scarednoob · 02/09/2016 17:32

Dear god I would have hated this. My DM used to ask me about it from time to time and knowing that she and her friends discussed whether their daughters had started made me hide it from her for 3 years. Only when she wanted to take me to the dr to see why they hadn't started did I have to come clean.

That being said, some of the girls in my class loved the idea and never shut up about it ("have you started yet?" was asked numerous times a day when we were about 13!), so maybe your DD would like it. I think all you can do is ask her.

But at her age I would have crawled into a hole and died rather than do anything of the sort. Even now I think it's called the curse for a reason!

Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 02/09/2016 18:16

ChazsBrilliantAttitude I like the idea of celebrating what is important to one, e.g. the taller than mum celebration, my 11 year old is close to that and I am guessing my 6 year old is not far behind!

OP posts:
Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 02/09/2016 18:23

corythatwas - If my dd or ds or dh wanted to celebrate my very drawn out menopause with any of the suggestions here - chocs, perfume, new bedding, a nice ring or other jewellery, or a meal out, I would be delighted. I would not have wanted a party.

Sadly no one suggested any perfume or jewelry or even noticed its passing! Maybe because all things to do with being female end up being somewhat er um embarrassing. And that is what I would want to avoid. Both avoiding embarrassment but also avoiding the idea that the life cycle of the human female must be a cause for embarrassment.

lightdrizzle Good point "I suspect that had I tried to force that kind of intimacy" I do not believe intimacy can be forced.

OP posts:
Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 02/09/2016 21:13

I just want to say a lot of people have been very, shall we say, 'cautious' about this topic. I've read this as being negative BUT I actually think it is right to be cautious! I think I must remember my desire to 'celebrate' does not trump my daughter's desire to keep things private - even from me! In fact my daughter's desire for privacy trumps my desire for openness, every time, (except in dangerous situations, of course).

So if I've come across as defensive, I apologise.

I wish we lived in a world where we could, as women especially, be much more open about our bodies. But I fear that time is not yet and we must be led by our children, as many have said.

So tipping my hat to wise and Soisolated, Philip and the perfume-suggester and all the wise posters who both had great ideas and advised great caution. I will endeavour to hold all these things on tension! Smile

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 02/09/2016 23:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

acasualobserver · 03/09/2016 00:09

It's fascinating stuff watching someone disappear up their own fundament.

Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 03/09/2016 01:22

Thank you FrancisCrawford.

acasualobserver it's called learning... your comment sounds rater offensive, by contrast.

OP posts:
nooka · 03/09/2016 02:01

I have painful periods and they were particularly painful when I was a teenager, so I thought more in terms of commiserating with dd than celebrating. However a similar thread a few years ago made me think a bit differently and so I had a chat with dd about what she might like to do.

She decided she quite liked the idea of marking the event and we agreed that we'd make a red velvet cake (she has a dark sense of humour!) with a few other treats (mainly involving chocolate). I also decided that I'd take her to get her ears pierced (she'd been asking for a while and I had always said not until she was much older). I'd already got the box with various supplies (we had fun choosing from all the different sanitary products) plenty of black knickers, painkillers etc.

As it happens she also gets painful periods, plus now recurrent cysts and for a couple of years really bad migraines too. Poor dd, it certainly wasn't something to celebrate. But a part of being a woman and I think something to acknowledge and not to hide.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 03/09/2016 02:31

I was prepared for it. Thanks Mum :)
It happened. Stuff was provided. Thanks Mum :)
It was a non event. Thanks Mum.
It was just part of growing up. She laid the groundwork so it wasn't a 'thing' and I can't even remember how old I was. I love her for making it boring.
She's brilliant, my mum.

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