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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to celebrate puberty!

199 replies

Italiangreyhound · 02/09/2016 01:59

AIBU to want to celebrate puberty!

My children's, not mine!

For girls it would be the start of their periods; for boys, voice breaking?

I don't mean without their consent, e.g. telling people they've started their periods or their voice has broken! I mean finding out ways to celebrate these miles stones.

Any ideas?

I would like my daughter to feel proud her periods once they have started and not sad or that it is 'unmentionable'.

Interested to hear any people experiences.

Thanks.

OP posts:
noeffingidea · 02/09/2016 10:59

Weird idea. I don't see starting periods as a cause of celebration. I don't think a girl really becomes 'different' just because she starts to menstruate.
I don't see the menarche as any kind of 'life event' because in our society a girl/woman's life isn't just defined by her reproductive state.

WorraLiberty · 02/09/2016 11:06

How about a 'Period shower', where all her friends and family buy tampons, towels, mooncups, underwear and new bedding? Grin

On a serious note, I'm not sure about the voice breaking thing, because it's such a gradual process.

In fact sometimes you don't even notice until you watch a recording of them from a year before, and then you realise how deep their voices have got.

MakemineaGandT · 02/09/2016 11:08

thisisafakename yes that's it! Back Home! Loved that book

Bountybarsyuk · 02/09/2016 11:09

My mum had thoughts like you, OP, so when I started, she congratulated me as if it were something really excited, told my dad and had a little lunch now I was all 'grown up'. I remember being utterly mortified, in fact, if I think about it now, I feel quite flustered at the thought of it. It just wasn't natural/felt a bit forced to make it a celebratory/good event, because actually for me, it was the start of a lot of pain and difficulties, ending up with endometriosis and two lots of surgery.

Mindful of this, I've kept it super low key with my own kids. I haven't been negative, I prepared in advance, practiced using the pads and when it's happened, been reassuring, listened, and given suggestions. I wouldn't buy lovely new bedding til they've got the hang of how regularly to change, I've had quite a few ruined pants/bedding as we are all working it out as we go along (different flows/quantity/preference for different products).

I don't see periods as the start of puberty anyway, and it isn't scientifically, the start of the pubertal time predates periods by up to 2/3 years- this time between starting say to sweat more/hormones/hair emerging and having a period has got longer in our current society, with puberty starting much younger. It's the same as growing hair down there, it's nothing to celebrate, but nothing to be ashamed of either. The tone I would be going for is honest and straightforward, with all topics on the table but private.

EddieStobbart · 02/09/2016 11:11

Ok, don't avoid nice bedding - maybe just leave it a week or so.

Bisquick · 02/09/2016 11:16

Hey OP I actually think it's a nice idea depending on what kind of celebration you plan. I'd keep it private - just you and your DD. Maybe an aunt or grandmum if you're close to them. Mind you I come from a culture where they make a big deal of starting one's period, and while I was mildly embarrassed, looking back it was nice because I got to have a little celebration with many grandparents who weren't around long enough to see my wedding.
Anyway, I think it's nice to celebrate menarche rather than hush it up and pretend like it's something to be horribly embarrassed about. But I wouldn't invite peers etc because a) it'll make those who haven't started yet feel bad, b) mortifying in this culture.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 02/09/2016 11:25

Do you celebrate when your kids go up a shoe/dress size?
(That I could get pn board with!) Grin

I was thrilled when I started my periods. I was nearly 14 and felt geriatric.

Any hint of an attempt by my mother to go all Are you there God? It's me, Margaret on me would have been met with total horror, though.

ConkersDontScareSpiders · 02/09/2016 11:47

My mum was really negative when I started-all doom and gloom and 'you're stuck with them for the next 40 years now'. I felt quite excited by it in a weird sort of way and it would have been much nicer if she's just bought me some Galaxy and a magazine, or taken me out to the pictures or something-nothing major, but just something.So that's what I will do for my DD's.

Wrcgirl · 02/09/2016 11:51

Ok, a nice quiet gift or treat sounds good after the pain is gone! A big meal and cards and presents, was embarrassing !

Queenbean · 02/09/2016 11:54

This is so awkward

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 02/09/2016 12:07

My mum tried to be very matter of fact about it all, which made me think it was nothing to be worried about. So it came as a bit of a shock when I was suddenly experiencing flooding, leaky towels, stained clothes, awful cramps. I wished I had been told more about the negatives, not way in advance to worry me, but certainly once they started.

Ryooki · 02/09/2016 12:11

When I got my first period I completely freaked out. I saw blood in the bottom of the toilet and thought I was seriously ill (I was only 10 and we hadn't really covered periods at school yet). I ran down to my mum whilst looking pale as a ghost and ushered her quietly up to the toilet to show her and confirm that I was actually dying. She giggled, dashed off to her bedroom and skipped back waving a sanitary towel in the air. She was clearly very excited and proceeded to shout for my two sisters to come upstairs and see that their sister had become a woman, all the while still dancing with the sanitary pad. She didn't do this for my other sisters oddly. I was not best pleased, snatched the towel from her and locked myself in the toilet for 30 minutes. We never spoke of it again. I don't recommend you morris dance with sanitary towels in front of the whole family to celebrate your daughter blossoming into adulthood.

Maybe just the two of you go out for ice cream, where you can quietly chat to her (if she wants to) and let her know it's all part of growing up and that you're always there if she needs advice. The idea of buying her a little keepsake is nice too if that's how you'd like to discreetly mark the occasion. I repeat, no morris dancing!

CancellyMcChequeface · 02/09/2016 12:14

I would have found this quite nice - not making a major event of it, but acknowledging it in a positive way and doing something small to celebrate. When I started mine I was made to feel as if they were something embarrassing and never to be mentioned again. Privately, I was quite proud.

As with a lot of things, though, it depends on the individual child - if they'd find it uncomfortable or embarrassing, it's not a good idea, no matter how good your intentions.

Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 02/09/2016 12:15

Eddie friend chose bedding because her dd would like it, and periods can mean the need for extra bedding if their are bleedsbon bedding etc. But I see what you mean although she said she didn''t throw out the old bedding.

OP posts:
Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 02/09/2016 12:20

Got it - no Morris dancing!

OP posts:
RunningLulu · 02/09/2016 12:23

Have one in some parts of my culture when a girl turns 12. Girl gets a huge quincera type of party, gifts of gold etc etc but it's always linked to a birthday.

Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 02/09/2016 12:33

Wow. Thanks. So many positive comments. Thanks and again am 100% in favour of not embarrassing dd!

OP posts:
BestZebbie · 02/09/2016 12:33

My mum got very excited at my first period and wanted to take me out for tea and cake and womanly bonding. It was a nice idea that I would have enjoyed pretty much any time I wasn't busy having my first period : sore, angry, weepy, covered in spots, greasy hair, with backache, and not used to the feeling of wearing a pad.
I think she bought me a top and gave me a hug in the end.

FrancisCrawford · 02/09/2016 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elephantoverthehill · 02/09/2016 13:12

Grin at the morris dancing image.

EJsqidge91 · 02/09/2016 13:37

When my sister and I started our periods, my mum went and bought us both our first bottles of 'adult' perfume, to celebrate us being women. Mine was DKNY woman, and I still buy it to this day. Will be doing the same for my daughter, as I personally loved it and it's something I will never forget.

MLGs · 02/09/2016 13:49

I wouldn't. It's neither good nor bad surely?

A bit like a blowing your nose party?

MLGs · 02/09/2016 13:52

A grown up seeming gift like EJ suggests is quite sweet though (slightly contradictory with my above post but never mind).

Doesn't voice break gradually though? So harder to pin point.

Beeziekn33ze · 02/09/2016 13:59

So I'm not the only one! I was 10 and can still hear my DM's friend saying gleefully 'Beezie's a woman now!' which appalled me. I didn't want to be like her, to 'join the club' and was a 10 year old girl ffs! I went off for a quiet cry.
Really good, even now, to realise that others experienced the same insensitivity and it wasn't just me! Thanks!

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 02/09/2016 14:02

I don't really like the idea of celebrating puberty especially the becoming a woman stuff. Children should be allowed to be children for as long as they need and I think making a big thing about puberty could push them to feel like they have to grow up faster than they want to. (I'm not suggesting the OP will do that).

My periods are and have always been bloody awful (pun intended). They have never been anything to celebrate but rather to be endured.

Also you might find that your DD focusses on a completely different milestone as significant to her. DS1 is 13, his voice is getting deeper, he may or may not have underarm hair - he hasn't mentioned, but the one thing that has mattered the most to him is growing taller than me. He often comes up to me and says "taller than you". Clearly, that is the milestone he wants to celebrate.