AIBU to want to celebrate puberty!

[Italiangreyhound]

AIBU to want to celebrate puberty!

My children's, not mine!

For girls it would be the start of their periods; for boys, voice breaking?

I don't mean without their consent, e.g. telling people they've started their periods or their voice has broken! I mean finding out ways to celebrate these miles stones.

Any ideas?

I would like my daughter to feel proud her periods once they have started and not sad or that it is 'unmentionable'.

Interested to hear any people experiences.

Thanks.

DS1 is 13 and would have been mortified. He hates any attention drawn to him about anything. The other thing is, I didn't really notice his voice breaking . Around Christmas time, I became aware that he was speaking with a really deep voice, and asked him, "DS, has your voice already broken??" And he rolled his eyes and said, "Er, yes mum!". I didn't notice any squeaking or anything.

A colleague of mine baked her daughter a birthday cake shaped as a pair of breasts in a lacey bra for her 11th birthday party (to which she'd invited the whole class, boys and girls) as she had recently started wearing a bra. If my mother had done that to me, I would have hated it.

No no no no it's private! I was mortified when my Mum told my sisters.

a celebration doesn't have to be public; it could just be you and your daughter spending time together doing something nice.

my mum bought me one of those sets from the body shop - the basket with the shredded paper in which various soaps and shower gels were nestled. it was a nice gift to get and it made me feel supported. but it was just between me and my mum. Of course, if i'd had 3 sisters, instead of 3 brothers, it might have been a bit more public.

I treated my dd but can't remember what we did anymore and it was only 3 years ago!

Periods are not fun so it was a way to make it less of a day of doom. My mum bought something for me for the same reason when I had my first period.

At primary school my dd was planning a proud announcement to her class (!) but by the time her period actually started in secondary school she preferred to keep it on the dl

I like the idea of reclaiming and celebrating the feminine but probs too hardcore for the average teen!

I would have been absolutely mortified if my parents had "celebrated" the start of my periods.. Urghh.

If you want to celebrate and your DC don't think you are a freak I suggest taking them out individually and having a day out/ lunch which might be a nice way of sharing grown up time without embarrassing them the the far ends of the earth.

My kids haven't hit puberty yet. I'm positive my oldest (she's 11) would smother me in my sleep if she thought I was going to plan anything.

My mum gave me a ring that her mum had given her when I started my periods. I think it is nice t ocelebrate somehow.

Tworing First moon party!?!

www.xojane.com/family/my-first-moon-party

I think there is a bit of over reaction going on on this thread... We let our girls get their ears pierced roughly when their periods started more as a way of compensation than celebration. We also bought them a nice pair of earrings. It was very casual.

I didn't realize it would be so disapproved of. It was not talked about as our DDs would not have liked that and it's no one else's business than theirs.

My Dad bought me a lovely belt when my periods started. We didn't discuss it but my mum must have told him. I thought it was really sweet and have remembered it all these years.

Surely Starting your periods does feel like a big deal to some girls - is quietly acknowledging so wrong?

When I started my periods, I remember calling to tell my mum. She confirmed that, yep, I'd started, gave me a big hug and shouted downstairs to my dad 'Our Luckiest is all grownup!! Go get her some chocolate!!'

Then got a big hug and a Mars Bar from my dad.

I think it's a nice idea to want to 'celebrate' your child's milestone but not sure that a party is a bit overkill though! my parents wanted me to know that there was nothing embarrassing or shameful and this was all part of growing up which I think is what you're getting at.

I was baffled that some of my friends were mortified and found periods hideously embarrassing (notably when I rang my friend to cancel swimming as I'd just got my period - her dad answered and I explained. There was utter silence and I wondered if I'd offended him in some way before muttered something & rang off.

My parents have always been open & honest about bodily things and I just had no idea that other families found even mentioning periods as embarrassing or inappropriate. This was back in the dark ages of the 80s though

I would have hated this. Best thing for me was my mum giving me painkillers, hot water bottle and a cup of hot chocolate and no fuss.

I think it depends.

A friends little girl started early, at nine, and was really upset about it. People who knew kept telling her she was 'becoming a woman' and 'wasn't a little girl anymore'. But she was still a 'little girl' in every other way, she just had periods. She was happy being a child and it was kind of like this new status was being thrust upon her, when she didn't ask for or want it - it was just a quirk of biology. I know that's probably an extreme example but I do think kids are having periods younger nowadays so may not necessarily want to feel grown up.

Having said that, I think at an older age, a small token that you acknowledge that they are growing up is nice.

Also, you know your daughter and will have presumably already had conversations about periods with her - so you would hopefully have an idea of what she would be comfortable with.

I'm not sure it's as easy to recognise boys puberty though - my brothers voice was in the throws of breaking for about two years. Although he did once, in an argument about being too young to do something, announce that he clearly wasn't as he had pubes.

Italian - I can see where you're coming from. It's a big right of passage, and a time potentially associated with a lot of emotional upheaval, so it would be nice to mark it as a positive event too, not something shameful to be hidden, or something to be brushed under the carpet in a "just carry on, nothing to see here" sort of way. But at the same time, having a menarche party when none of your friends are would freak out quite a lot of teenagers, I think.

So I second all the posters saying "talk to your teens about what they want" - they might feel a party was actually quite a cool idea, or a sleepover with close friends, or a trip to the cinema/for pizza with a parent, or a gift of some sort to mark the occasion.

Not if the kid is happy with it but be sure it's the right approach first.

Just buy her a bag of Maltesers and a box of Kleenex, tell her you're there to talk if she needs you and and heed the words of Yvonne Karib: "Never apologise for the anger, feel it in your womb and learn to use it"

The male equivalent to a first period must be the ability to ejaculate, surely? Good luck organising that coming of age party.

Oh God, I think if my mum had tried to do this when I started my periods I'd have holed myself up in my room and never come out.

It's an awkward, slightly embarrassing time and most teens would rather it passed without comment, let alone a "celebration".

I felt just like the kid I'd been the day before but with less comfortable pants (before slim line towels were invented). I wanted people to fuck off with the "becoming a woman" chat.

Completely with you op. Completely. When my DD started I gave her a necklace as a mark of the rite of passage of turning into a young woman. It was just between me and her, there was no fuss or anything, and I will be doing the same with my younger DD. I also have friends who ha ve done similar.

Really, party and presents for your first period . I agree, girls should not be embarrassed by them, a good chat about what's happening, talk through products, what's normal and what's not, is great. This idea of needing to 'celebrate it' is embarrassing and odd. No wonder women are still not taken seriously, when we buy presents for normal bodily functions! Did you have cake for 'first poo in the potty', a day out for your boy's first facial hair? If you make it a big deal, it becomes one (even if you think you're being 'positive).

SabineUndine re "Maybe you should just listen to what we are all telling you? You did ask if you were being unreasonable. Yes, YABU. Puberty is an extremely private process and the best thing you can do is be sensitive to that. My mother told everyone when my periods started. I was furious and humiliated. It was nobody else's business but mine."

I am listening. Maybe you should read my OP, "I don't mean without their consent, e.g. telling people they've started their periods or their voice has broken! I mean finding out ways to celebrate these miles stones."

claraschu that's interesting, thanks.

ittooshallpass re "Maybe if you explained how you would celebrate that would help?" OK good point, I did not want to skew the thread....

I DO NOT mean embarrassing them in any way at all. I do not mean drawing attention to the fact they have started when friends may not have.

I do mean taking them out for an ice cream sundae or lunch or dinner, a kind of slightly grown up outing which no one else outside the family would know as anything of significance.

I do mean buying a gift like a small piece of jewellery or some beautiful new bedding.

VioletBam re "I've told my DD that when she starts hers she can have a ring with a small diamond in it." I love it. Great idea.

NoobThebrave re "Many years ago I read a book about raising boys and many cultures have a celebration of maturing and a right of passage; camping in the wild, a gift...... " That is so great. Both my kis love camping (I am not so keen!).

I wonder when exactly the boy's puberty is 'celebrated'.

Sorry you felt neither child nor adult, NoobThebrave. But I guess there is a bit gap, a moving through teens when you pay full fare places, and take up an adult space and yet are still a kid.

Houseconfusion just Googles 'menarche party'. looks interesting but I expect would only work for me if dd wanted that (doubt she would) and her friends were all in same stage of development as her. But for some it would be fine.

Philip re "I will be letting Dd lead in how it's handled." I will totally be letting Dd lead in how it's handled. I am sorry I did not make that clearer in my opening post. I would not want to do anything to embarrass her.

donajimena sorry you felt 'late', my dd asked me when was normal and I think 'normal' is normal for the individual girl.

Yes, soisolated privately celebrated, excellent, I do wish I had made that clearer in my opening post but I did not want to sway what people said or examples they left here!

I took DD out for afternoon tea at a rather naice hotel on the Sunday afternnon after she started last summer. She had been feeling a bit tearful and unwell for a few days. It was a nice little treat for her and I didn't particularly say it was to 'celebrate' it, I just wanted to cheer her up a bit. She loved it (and we went back three weeks ago). I hope she'll remember it now for that lovely afternoon which helped soften the blow of her periods starting (which she hated, and still does). My mum bought me the Grease album when I started bless her, I found it on my bed after school in a woolies carrier bag.

A body function party???? Eeeewww. ...

In our culture maturity and puberty are years apart.