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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to celebrate puberty!

199 replies

Italiangreyhound · 02/09/2016 01:59

AIBU to want to celebrate puberty!

My children's, not mine!

For girls it would be the start of their periods; for boys, voice breaking?

I don't mean without their consent, e.g. telling people they've started their periods or their voice has broken! I mean finding out ways to celebrate these miles stones.

Any ideas?

I would like my daughter to feel proud her periods once they have started and not sad or that it is 'unmentionable'.

Interested to hear any people experiences.

Thanks.

OP posts:
ParadiseCity · 02/09/2016 10:22

I am one of those 'any excuse for a celebration' people so I am sure I will do something with DD, just the two of us and a ton of chocolate I expect. Not sure about DS and voice breaking. Maybe a Barry White Karaoke Night Grin

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 02/09/2016 10:22

The male equivalent to a first period.....
When they have their first wet dream? When you try to change their bed and find the sheets are glued to the duvet, then get out the bunting and party.
Tehe Grin only joking OP

A piece of jewellery is a nice idea but I would hate for this to catch on if I'm honest. My parents wouldn't have been able to afford something like that for all their daughters and a period present is just another thing for teenage girls to be competitive about.

Pagwatch · 02/09/2016 10:22

It's a perfectly normal experience. It doesn't need a song and dance.
My DD started a few months ago. She's cool about it. She's a swimmer so it's a faff but she coping. We are open and talk about it but it's not celebration worthy. I take her out for dinner as a treat sometimes but there was no particular point when my boys hit puberty so taking her out is odd.

It's a little counter intuitive to me to take her out to celebrate, as if it is an achievement, something which I spend the rest of the time discussing with her as a perfectly ordinary if rather tiresome aspect of getting older.

Fwiw she would regard it as batshit.

EddieStobbart · 02/09/2016 10:25

I would avoid new bedding.

DelicatePreciousThing1 · 02/09/2016 10:27

OP
I would have curled up and died. CRINGE

Inertia · 02/09/2016 10:28

Periods are not something to be embarrassed about; however, bodily autonomy is incredibly important, so it's vital that this process is controlled by your daughter, not you.

Rather than doing something which may make your daughter feel uncomfortable, or as though you are making declarations about her body, she might just appreciate some time with you (eg lunch out) and reassurance that you'll be there to support her, answer questions, not judge.

CRazzyyAce · 02/09/2016 10:29

Is this for real whatever next a party to celebrate losing her virginity Hmm end of the day puberty is a very personal thing for boy or girl I don't think they require a gathering to celebrate the event it's extremely embarrassing for a young person. Its not a taboo subject it's just a private and personal one.

Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 02/09/2016 10:30

user1471552005 re "Your body is in shock and you're emotional.

Really? My DD took it in her stride, Barely a thought about it. You sound as if all women are faint with hysterical vapours."

I think periods are very different for all. I had little pain but was very emotional and my sister got very angry and had pain. We are all so different and part of being able to talk about it with my dd will be to help her know her experiences will not be unique etc.

I think people have translated the word 'celebrate' into party. Maybe I should have used the word 'acknowledge'.

Whoknows re ". In her older DD's primary school class there was a mother who thought it would be nice for all the girls to celebrate as each reached this milestone, it had gone down like a lead balloon, imagine if you were a really late developer how you would feel." What a truly awful and self-centered idea on the part of the parent. I can't imagine anyone I know suggesting anything remotely like this.

Tangerino lovely idea about the engraved bangle.

Thanks DeadGood for noticing what I didn't say... I can't imagine having a party but lots seemed to think celebration meant party. If I was posting about this again I would be clearer.

LunaLoveg00d re "Having periods isn't something to be proud of though - it's just something which happens. We don't have parties when a baby starts to walk, or when a child loses their first baby tooth." I never said anything about a party personally. We do celebrate babies first steps, we might take a photo or note the date. We keep a lock of hair from hair cuts, we keep first tooth. We measure height. We celebrate in a million ways. I've already noted that my use of the word celebrate was not excellent!

OP posts:
Middleoftheroad · 02/09/2016 10:33

God, noooooo!

I was so embarrassed when my mom told my dad.

Can just picture the Aunt Ruby Hallmark cards now...

acasualobserver · 02/09/2016 10:33
Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 02/09/2016 10:35

Eddie why avoid the bedding?

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties lovely idea (NOT)! Wink

Pagwatch re "Fwiw she would regard it as batshit." What would she regret?

DelicatePreciousThing1 re "I would have curled up and died. CRINGE" At what?

Are these comments about the 'party' I never mentioned?

Inertia re "Periods are not something to be embarrassed about; however, bodily autonomy is incredibly important, so it's vital that this process is controlled by your daughter, not you." I am 100% with you on that. re "(eg lunch out) and reassurance that you'll be there to support her, answer questions, not judge." That is what I am thinking of.

OP posts:
celeryisnotasuperfood · 02/09/2016 10:36

I think that culturally we have in the past brushed this away as something that isn't discussed. I don't think that the solution to this is to go the other way and make a fuss about it.
It should be discussed as part of normal life - my 3 year old knows that sometimes I bleed and need tampons and not to be scared of a normal bodily process and will learn more as appropriate as she grows up. I like the idea of it being normal and the PP that said her daughters were comfortable to shout out that it had happened and then life continued.
Yes if my daughter seems to be upset or worried then I would probably talk to her - maybe over cake or chocolate but not sure I would be encouraging a special present or celebration.

RachelRagged · 02/09/2016 10:37

Good Grief, movies? Restaurants? We just got on with it

wisemonkey · 02/09/2016 10:38

Your daughter may talk to you about everything at the moment Italiangreyhound but probably won't for much longer. Puberty is part of growing up when teenagers naturally become more private. I have 4 daughters and every one of them would have been mortified by a "celebration". It's not a big deal, just another milestone. Have a talk in advance and provide pads/ tampons/ painkillers/ hotwater bottle/ chocolate, then back off. Or are you planning to celebrate the first time she has sex too?

Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 02/09/2016 10:38

Middleoftheroad I don't think you've read anything after my OP so I won't reply to your comment.

I;ve tried to reply to as many people as possible.

Thanks for all the input.

NO I am not talking about a party or embarrassing my dd or putting it on national TV.

It is only an achievement in that it is normal, it is existing that all is well.

We celebrate birthdays and that is simply the achievement of remaining for another year on planet earth. but in some cultures birthdays are very important, others not so much.

I shall not be bringing out a line of 'your on' cards!

Thank you to all who have contributed so far, especially those who saw what I was getting at and got around my rather clumsy use of the word 'celebrate' - I thank you!

OP posts:
AliveAlone · 02/09/2016 10:40

I think it's a lovely idea op. I was quite proud when I started mine i think I would have enjoyed some sort of celebration of the fact that I was becoming a woman. Not banners outside the house announcing my menarche or anything, but some special time with my mum maybe. When dd(9) starts I might take her out for lunch or something like that. I also quite like the idea of giving her something she can keep, like a small piece of jewellery.

Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 02/09/2016 10:40

wisemonkey thanks for your wise words but no I won't be celebrating her first sexual encounter and I will back off when and if it is appropriate.

OP posts:
Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 02/09/2016 10:41

Thanks Alive.

Must go out, will pop back later.

OP posts:
Stopyourhavering · 02/09/2016 10:41

Maybe won't be celebrating puberty when they become moody, sulky teens who hate everything to do with parents/adults!! and eat all the chocolate

BertrandRussell · 02/09/2016 10:43

I gave my ds a piece of jewellery to mark the event.

But the most important thing is to help them take it in their stride.

imwithspud · 02/09/2016 10:46

I wouldn't celebrate it as such but I'd get her a few nice treats and gifts to acknowledge it in a no big deal sort of way. Some sanpro, some nice bath stuff. Stuff to make her feel as comfortable as possible whilst she gets to grips with it.

IggyPopsicle · 02/09/2016 10:47

I know a guy whos voice didn't break until he was 21. Now HE should have got a party for that..and a medal for putting up with all the jibes. Poor sod Grin

imwithspud · 02/09/2016 10:48

Oh and chocolate, can't forget the chocolate!

FairyDogMother11 · 02/09/2016 10:50

I thought I was dying the first time I had my period. I knew logically I wasn't obviously, but I went crying to my mum and if she had tried to tell me it was something I should celebrate, that we should make a fuss about it, I would probably have had some sort of breakdown. As it happened she provided me with some chocolate, a hot water bottle and some ibuprofen. Believe me I appreciated that more than anything!

EdmundCleverClogs · 02/09/2016 10:53

I don't think acknowledging is the right term either. It doesn't matter if it's a party or just the two of you - why on earth does it need a special gift or day out? Can just imagine it - coming home, walking in to the tune of 'Girl, you'll be a woman soon' and a lovely engraved 'period bangle' on a crimson cushion....

It's just as awful as bloody 'push presents' for having a baby. 'Well done on having a functioning female anatomy, have something shiny and don't worry your little head about it, it's empowering'. What a load of bollocks.