AIBU to want to celebrate puberty!

[Italiangreyhound]

AIBU to want to celebrate puberty!

My children's, not mine!

For girls it would be the start of their periods; for boys, voice breaking?

I don't mean without their consent, e.g. telling people they've started their periods or their voice has broken! I mean finding out ways to celebrate these miles stones.

Any ideas?

I would like my daughter to feel proud her periods once they have started and not sad or that it is 'unmentionable'.

Interested to hear any people experiences.

Thanks.

Hoppinggreen Re "...more a marking of the occasion." I like that phrase, that sounds good.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude the medication you mention, is that once you've established it's going to be difficult etc, I never had really painful periods so it was not that bad, I know I was lucky (my sister also had endometriosis, so I was very lucky to escape that).

dementedma thanks for explaining.

Skydelic wish I had known all that when I had periods. I went through a time of 'flooding' when I bled like a stuck pig, but it was a quiet specific time in my life, in my late 30s or 40s, so I always wondered why it was so heavy at that time. I actually wondered if I might be losing more than just a period as we were trying to get pregnant at the time, and it just seemed so odd.

monkeygone I know boys voice breaking is a drawn out process but there must be a first time it happens at all. Plus I could not think what one could 'celebrate' for boys in terms of puberty.

"ejaculation of semen around 13 (involuntary- so wet dreams). Are you thinking of celebrating both?!" No, was not, Bountybarsyuk if you don't want to know the answer maybe don't ask the question.

littlefrenchonion re "hmm Come on, really?! Don't you remember how you felt at this age?" I odn;t know that I remember feeling bad about starting periods.

"Regardless of cultural and social attitudes, most teens are hyper aware of their bodies and feeling very self conscious." perhaps all the more reason to at least allow for the fact that it does not need to be a source of embarrassment. Not in an age when people are displaying their hemorrhoids on TV's 'embarrassing bodies!

Re "My mother presented me with a period gift at the age of 13 in front of the whole family. I was really flipping annoyed with her and felt she was actually being quite thoughtless!" I am very sorry your mum did that but my opening post expressly said I don't mean without their consent, e.g. telling people they've started their periods or their voice has broken!

acasualobserver no, I won't be celebrating my son's first wet dream.

I think for little girls the onset of periods is far more significant than a boy having a wet dream. As a feminist I see this as a feminist issue to not be embarrassed about our bodies etc. Boys, I think, are much less worried by all this. I'm not sure what you are getting at really, seems a bit mean to want to drag an answer out of me because I forgot to address what was, I assumed, a rather sarcastic comment by you a few pages back. But if you seriously wanted an answer you now have it.

Actually, acasualoserver maybe the first wet dream should be the time for dads to mark the occasion!

I wonder if any cultures do that? That is a genuine question. You brought it up first, so you may know. I had assumed you were being sarcastic but you have a point.

Many cultures are far more aware of changes and stages in children's lives. Just curious.

The stronger ones are for when you know it's going to be painful. However, unless you can't take it for other reasons, I would always start with ibuprofen for normal period pains rather than paracetamol. Ibuprofen tackles the cause of the pain not just the symptoms.

DS's voice never broke, it drifted down gently over a period of about 8 weeks. Only noticed in retrospect.

Don't confuse "embarrassing" with "private". My mother was annoyed that her kids weren't nudists. She thought we were stupid to be embarrassed. We thought she lacked dignity.

(as an aside: mefenamic acid was a life saver for me, phew, luckily I didn't need it after I had babies)

I understand celebrating things that people achieve & work at. But something that just happens? Meh.

lljkk I am 100% behind privacy. Our son is adopted and we are big on family 'privacy' because some things are not for everyone to know.

I am just curious what people think themselves, because I know that actually people often can feel differently to their parents. My mum was a real path of least resistance, not make a fuss person, and I am quite different. So it is very possibly my dd will be like my mum but my grandchildren might be like me!!

Please. No .

Actually, why not celebrate the first wet dream? I've heard men talk about being embarrassed about standing up in class because the had a random erection and were paranoid it would be noticed (yes, I know they can happen before puberty but it seems like it was more embarrassing as a teenager). Periods and wet dreams etc are all about becoming sexually mature so if celebrating it is partly to add a positive counterweight to feelings of negativity then it would be good to do it for both sides, what is the difference? If you have a DP perhaps they could handle if for your son, if that is the issue? It might help them freely discuss things they might not have otherwise.

Ha, I see this has already been covered - teach me not to skim read.

If you realise your son is having wet dreams then get your DP on the case with something - why not? You wanted to celebrate for both your DCs. Or ask your DP what he found most significant (and possibly needed reassurance about) during puberty and go with that?

you need to ask your kids.

My mum bought me a gold ring when I got my period - this was a lovely gesture. And celebrating privately with your daughter or son is a nice idea. But my mum also told her friend who we were on holiday with at the time and told me I wasn't allowed an alcoholic drink because drinking on one's period was a bad idea. She said it in front of everyone, my dad, her friend and her friend's family - this was less lovely and made me embarrassed. I don't know why 'You're not having any booze because you're still a kid' would not have done.

Weird weird weird

DS1's voice has been gradually sinking through the registers over the past 6 months. Not sure it's quite there, yet. He's shaping up into a pretty deep baritone!

He was dead scared of the potential changes before they happened. He's decided he quite likes his tash because it's even better than mine and is somewhat impressed with the thick, dark man hair that's replaced the fine blond stuff on his legs as well as the stuff under his arms but he's rather suspicious of the hairs sprouting on his chest. He definitely doesn't want a fuss made about any of it, simply quietly checking in with me for reassurance that all is going to plan when something new sprouts somewhere.

Re "It might help them freely discuss things they might not have otherwise." Eddie, that is an excellent point, thank you for making it. I think talking about these things can be helpful.

Freedom2016 I am sorry your mum embarrassed you a bit. I am a mum, of course, and we do tend to do this, but on this subject I will not embarrass. if at all possible. That is why, I think, thinking and discussing about it really helps. You guys don't know me or my kids so discussing here is safe.

Horsegirl1 thanks - so - helpful helpful helpful.

Pickachew your son sounds like he is taking it all in his stride. DD has done that about many changes. She is slightly embarrassed about bras but actually also pleased to be wearing them. Funnily, a few years ago I would have thought 11 too young for bras but it's not. I was quite skinny as a child and I don't think I developed any boobs until 12.

Seems a weird thing to celebrate or be proud of. I would have been mortified.

PlymouthMaid1 I'm proud of my body for producing a baby, a perfectly natural thing which I didn't really have any control over. My body just did it, a bit of sperm at the right time helped.

Things like this are all very important, very basic and nitty gritty but I still feel proud of the miracle of our bodies.

But as I said in my OP and over and over again, I would be cautious, I'd not want my dd to be mortified. Nothing without her agreement.

I don't think that there really are any equivalents of starting your period for boys. Most of the changes boys have are gradual, and similar to girls changing shape, more hair/hair in new places, spots etc. I asked ds about wet dreams and he couldn't really remember the first time he had one or even if he had really had one at all. For girls/women your first period is the start of a pattern you will have for a huge chunk of your life, and for many of us it's a pretty shitty one.

Yes, I am seeing that nooka but I guess the assumption is that periods will be shitty for all, especially if they were for you (or anyone else). They had their shitty element for me too, but having had trouble conceiving my periods had a very important significance. I don't miss them now but when they were 'dying out' shall we say, I did feel a kind of sadness. That one phase of live was changing.

life!

My mum was determined that I would feel having periods was something to be "celebrated". She took me out and bought me some make-up (because I was more "grown up" now). She never announced it to anyone - I remember her asking me if I wanted her to tell my dad. However she certainly beamed at me a lot as if we were sharing some wonderful secret. I found that all a bit cringe-worthy and embarrassing. I knew she was trying to make me feel it was something very positive because her own experience had been so different, and I understood that. But I think I felt really that it was something private and that what she was doing was a bit like celebrating any other bodily function!

I wasn't embarrassed about having periods, I was quite interested and excited by the idea. But her reaction embarrassed me a bit, and her assumption that it was also to do with her.
So I will tread carefully with my own dd. I think she would also not want me to be involved in "celebrating". She'll probably be far more interested in chatting to her friends about it. I like a previous pp's idea of getting together some sanitary products and a big bar of chocolate though.

I can understand that Italian. I was lucky enough to conceive very easily, although that had it's downsides too. I'm just grumpy today because my current period has come very early and has been unusually painful (and I know mine are tame compared to many other women). I very much hope I'm perimenopausal now.

Anyway more on topic, I asked dd how she felt about her period 'celebration'. She said that she'd told all her friends about the cake and they all thought it very funny (dd is big on cakes and now is a great baker). Her girlfriend told me that her mum had given her a big hug and been a bit tearful about her 'becoming a woman' and that had been OK too.

I suspect the important bit is really making sure that they are informed and prepared and then that you support them with any issues that crop up later. But I think most teens like presents and chocolate is always nice, whatever the occasion.

I've not got time now to read all the other replies so sorry if I'm repeating anything already said.

I think it's a nice idea. When I started my periods my mum and her two close friends took me out for a hot chocolate and cream scones. I also was bought a small teddy which I still have.

It was a little embarrassing but it was nice they cared and made the effort and I do still remember it all these years later.

thanks that is lovely.

nooka hope period not too painful. Hugs smilie face suggests hot water bottle!

May be a treat on a one to one basis but anything more than that NO WAY

Haven't had chance to read all the replies but I think a little celebration with just you and your daughter sounds lovely if she's up for it.