Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to celebrate puberty!

199 replies

Italiangreyhound · 02/09/2016 01:59

AIBU to want to celebrate puberty!

My children's, not mine!

For girls it would be the start of their periods; for boys, voice breaking?

I don't mean without their consent, e.g. telling people they've started their periods or their voice has broken! I mean finding out ways to celebrate these miles stones.

Any ideas?

I would like my daughter to feel proud her periods once they have started and not sad or that it is 'unmentionable'.

Interested to hear any people experiences.

Thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 03/09/2016 02:47

Nooka, glad it was all sorted. Can I ask what painkillers. My DD had to have a tablet painkiller recently (for an unrelated area, a hurt foot) and she could not swallow it!

"Poor dd, it certainly wasn't something to celebrate. But a part of being a woman and I think something to acknowledge and not to hide." Sounds like you got it completely right, well done.

OP posts:
Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 03/09/2016 02:48

GiddyOnZackHunt sounds like your mum got it completely right for you too. Great.

OP posts:
MapleandPear · 03/09/2016 02:56

It was just that it seemed to be treated as a big deal, "oh, you're a WOMAN now" etc and I didn't want a massive fuss as if there were huge step changes in my life. I just wanted to potter along, growing up one step at a time with nobody making a fuss. That's what I'll do with the DDs. No embarrassment about sex and bodily functions here.

This.

nooka · 03/09/2016 03:07

Ibuprofen for the periods Italian. I think they are by far the best non prescription painkillers for period pain. She has for the cysts, but they knock her right out, so no good if she wants to go to school.

I think that we did get it about right, and it was a nice conversation to have. I hope it helped having something good to associate with starting periods.

We didn't do anything for ds, but puberty really hasn't been an issue for him. His voice deepened without any squeaky moments, and he's only very recently got spots at 17. No wild hormonal swings, no pain, no mess. Being male is much easier!

sykadelic · 03/09/2016 04:49

TBH I think your need to celebrate it, is a bit weird. Obviously this is because it's not what is "done" by anyone I know, but also because I think puberty is an odd thing to celebrate. The idea of a special item or piece of jewellery "this was from when I first started to shed my uterine lining" is also odd. I might however consider going out to lunch AFTER the first period is over as a "congrats on getting through it" thing and a "life goes on" type deal.

Puberty happens to everyone. In some cultures it's celebrated because the boys become "men" so hunt and do manly things, and in girls it means they're "women" so old enough to be married/have kids. It's a bit sad to me that this involuntary bodily function means the end of childhood in those cultures. Like a ticking time bomb.

Talking about it as being normal, about something coming up, is definitely a good idea. But though your OP mentioned a son AND daughter, this is obviously more about a DD than a boy.

The one thing I wish my mother had done differently is NOT treat it like any other day when it came to school. I was not a fan of tampons so of course I wore a bad and the sensation of the pad and essentially feeling wet (ah the memories) had me running to the bathroom all the time. While no-one said anything to my face, I found out some years later that everyone knew (well guessed) why I kept going to pee Blush so my advice would be to allow your child to take time off school (at least for that first day) so she knows what it feels like and that it's not as bad as it might feel.

Oh and yes, I'd have been mortified if my mother made a bigger deal out of it than she already did (she told Dad).

sykadelic · 03/09/2016 04:52

Cross post re pain killers. I get some wicked cramping (not so much the mood swings though) I SWEAR by Ponstan (Mefenamic acid). Not actually a pain killer if I recall correctly, it actually stops the cause of the pain rather than blocking it.

Brokenbiscuit · 03/09/2016 08:51

I was prepared for it. Thanks Mum :)
It happened. Stuff was provided. Thanks Mum :)
It was a non event. Thanks Mum.
It was just part of growing up. She laid the groundwork so it wasn't a 'thing' and I can't even remember how old I was. I love her for making it boring.
She's brilliant, my mum.

What a lovely post. Made me a bit teary.Blush I hope I can do the same for my dd.

dementedma · 03/09/2016 08:59

God no. Let your dd get on with it without you making a bloody fuss. I would have been mortified and so would my DDS!

SoupDragon · 03/09/2016 09:36

Ibuprofen for the periods Italian. I think they are by far the best non prescription painkillers for period pain.

It also helps reduce bleeding

Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 03/09/2016 10:32

Skyadekic thank you tip about school. I don't see periods as the bend of being a child or the dart of being a woman. And you said 'my need';.I said I want to celebrate puberty. I only want to celebrate this of my dd does; I don't want to embarrass her and I want her to handle it her way.

OP posts:
Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 03/09/2016 10:35

dementeda I think you'd need to define 'fuss'. Fuss to me is going OTT. Are you saying any acknowledgement is fuss?

OP posts:
Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 03/09/2016 10:37

brockenbiscuit it's great you appreciated the post.

Sky how does that drug work to stop the cause?

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 03/09/2016 11:04

Italian
NSAID like ponstan and ibuprofen damp down the build up of prostaglandins which in excess cause inflammation. The key if you have painful periods is to start taking the NSAID the day before your period starts so the prostaglandins get a chance to build up to agonising levels. The downside is that NSAID can cause gastric irritation especially the stronger ones like diclofenac and naproxen so often have to be taken with omeparazole to protect your stomach.
I have endometriosis so have looked into this quite a lot.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 03/09/2016 11:05

don't get a chance

dementedma · 03/09/2016 12:58

greyhound for me any sort of formal acknowledgment with gifts etc would be a fuss, but we are all quite private individuals in this family so it would seem fussy to us.

sykadelic · 03/09/2016 15:11

OP from here: www.netdoctor.co.uk/medicines/aches-and-pains/a7366/ponstan-mefenamic-acid/

"Ponstan and Ponstan forte contain the active ingredient mefenamic acid, which is a type of medicine called a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug (NSAID). NSAIDs are used to relieve pain and inflammation.

Mefenamic acid works by blocking the action of a substance in the body called cyclo-oxygenase (COX). Cyclo-oxygenase is involved in the production of various chemicals in the body, some of which are known as prostaglandins. Prostaglandins are produced by the body in response to injury and certain diseases and conditions, and cause pain, swelling and inflammation. Mefenamic acid blocks the production of these prostaglandins and so reduces inflammation and pain.

Mefenamic acid may also work by preventing the action of prostaglandins after they have already been formed.

Mefenamic acid helps with heavy and painful menstrual periods because period pain cramps are caused by the production of prostaglandins in the lining of the womb. Prostaglandin production is also known to be increased in women who suffer from heavy periods. By opposing the production and action of prostaglandins, mefenamic acid relieves period pains and also reduces blood loss in women who have heavy periods."

monkeygone · 03/09/2016 15:17

The fact that people think that boys voices just suddenly "break" and they wake up one morning with a deeper voice is testament to the poor levels of education on this kind of thing in schools.

SoupDragon · 03/09/2016 15:19

The fact that people think that boys voices just suddenly "break" and they wake up one morning with a deeper voice is testament to the poor levels of education on this kind of thing in schools.

Given that the people on this thread probably went to school a good few years ago, no it isn't.

monkeygone · 03/09/2016 15:22

The fact that people think that boys voices just suddenly "break" and they wake up one morning with a deeper voice is testament to the poor levels of education on this kind of thing in schools in the past (and possibly still today!).

Better?

Bountybarsyuk · 03/09/2016 15:24

Puberty is a process, it takes about 4 years. You are talking about the onset of menstruation which is only part of what puberty involves.

According to Wiki, the most distinctive event for girls in puberty is menstruation around 12, for boys it is ejaculation of semen around 13 (involuntary- so wet dreams). Are you thinking of celebrating both?!

(I actually don't want to know the answer)

Doggity · 03/09/2016 15:30

I think it depends on the young person and how they react. I was 12 when I started my periods but the first of my friends and I was devastated. I sobbed, got back in my PJs and took myself off to bed for the rest of the day which was unheard of for me. I would have been horrified if I'd had anything but cuddles and reassurance. I'd been distressed by needing bras also, so my mum was able to pitch the support at my level because she'd had a warning sign.

My best friend, on the other hand, was 15 and the last of her friends to start and she announced it to the whole train carriage when she joined us at the stop after the rest of us on the way to school. She was delighted and I'm sure would have loved something like others mentioned e.g. perfume.

littlefrenchonion · 03/09/2016 15:36

Hmm Come on, really?! Don't you remember how you felt at this age? Regardless of cultural and social attitudes, most teens are hyper aware of their bodies and feeling very self conscious.

My mother presented me with a period gift at the age of 13 in front of the whole family. I was really flipping annoyed with her and felt she was actually being quite thoughtless!

Don't do it.

Witchend · 03/09/2016 16:40

And sometimes girls get their first period then nothing for ages. I did.
I think. If I'd had a major fuss about the first one it would have made me very stressed about not getting the next for over 6 months.

Anyone remember that dreadful Sweet Valley Hgh book with the twins where Elizabeth gets her period and her parents say that she can do something because they know she's grown up now. So Jessica pretends she has her period so they say she can do it too.
I thought when I read it how stupid the parents,were thinking it made that difference.

acasualobserver · 03/09/2016 16:44

the most distinctive event for girls in puberty is menstruation around 12, for boys it is ejaculation of semen around 13 (involuntary- so wet dreams). Are you thinking of celebrating both?!

I made the same point several pages back. It seems it is one the OP would prefer to ignore.

Hoppinggreen · 03/09/2016 17:06

I bought DD a watch that she had wanted for a while.
I dot necessarily think she should be proud of starting her periods ( or ashamed) so it wasn't really a celebration, more a marking of the occasion.
Funnily enough it happened the day she left Primary so I suppose we were marking that too