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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP messing around at meal times

185 replies

Pinkjenny · 31/08/2016 11:21

I can't decide whether I'm being irrational but this irritates the shit out of me. Whenever we sit down to eat, he spends at least 5-10 minutes messing about. Goes to the loo, replies to text messages, checks the sports news, while I sit there, staring at his meal while it goes cold, wanting to punch him in the face.

I consider myself quite relaxed most of the time, but this makes me fume. He says its like he's a child being forced to sit at the table.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MissElizaBennettsBookmark · 31/08/2016 11:22

YANBU

He's being very rude

SaucyJack · 31/08/2016 11:23

Chicken and egg from where I'm sat.

I'd find being in either position equally annoying meself.

Firmly on the fence here.

gamerchick · 31/08/2016 11:24

Just eat yours and let him crack on. If he wants cold food let him get on with it.

QuintessentialShadow · 31/08/2016 11:24

Exactly what POINT do you reckon he is trying to make?

I suppose you made the meal?

LizzieMacQueen · 31/08/2016 11:25

Rude of him but is this his silent protest over the timing of the meal? Is it at a time equally convenient for both of you?

Original poster
Pinkjenny · 31/08/2016 11:26

I agree it's rude. If I've prepared a meal I expect him to sit nicely and eat it, goddamnit! Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkjenny · 31/08/2016 11:26

He's just a world class faffer.

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 31/08/2016 11:27

Stop making the fucker any food!

Trifleorbust · 31/08/2016 11:27

I think if someone cooks a meal for you, it is common courtesy to sit down and eat it when it's ready.

Original poster
Pinkjenny · 31/08/2016 11:29

I agree. He does it with takeaways too, to be fair. It also pisses me off because it means we don't eat together, I'm usually almost done by the time he starts! There was a roast dinner incident on Sunday which has tipped me over the edge.

OP posts:
GeneralBobbit · 31/08/2016 11:29

I ask in advance if we're eating together. That's code in my house for when I call you, hop to it immediately.

Happy to not eat together, where I either won't cook for them or won't dish up.

I HATE sitting waiting on people while my food goes cold, so I don't do it.

Trifleorbust · 31/08/2016 11:30

I would just tell him that there aren't many things you are prepared to insist on, but if he wants you to continue making him food, he needs to have the basic respect to sit down with you and eat it.

Original poster
Pinkjenny · 31/08/2016 11:34

I suspect the more he knows I want him to sit down, the more he feels compelled to mess around. He always does eat and enjoy it, but honestly, I can feel my blood pressure spiking while I watch him.

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 31/08/2016 11:37

Then just don't cook for him, let him sort himself out, then he can faff as much as he wants.

Original poster
Pinkjenny · 31/08/2016 11:39

He cooks a fair bit too, I think a dose of his own medicine might be worth a try. Although that goes against all my natural greedy instincts.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 31/08/2016 11:40

What's he like if he's eating out in a restaurant or a friend/family's house?

Is he generally a bit hyperactive? Can he sit and read a book quietly or watch the TV for half an hour without interrupting or walking off?

blushrush · 31/08/2016 11:42

Do you give him a countdown before the food is ready. My mum does that with my step-dad so he has time to faff before it is 'sit down' time.

Like "dinner will be ready in 5 minutes" so he knows he has got 5 mins to get ready.

It doesn't always work but he gets it in the neck if he's not there when that 5 minutes is up!

OrlandaFuriosa · 31/08/2016 11:42

It's a male trait that used to be commented in extensively in the past, cf women's diaries, letters etc. and irritation of crusty generals in novels when people don't arrive promptly.

My son and Dh too. I have started to say " supper in five minutes/ two minutes" now. And like you I think it is only courteous to wait to start eating when everyone is there.

How about buying a gong? Grin

Original poster
Pinkjenny · 31/08/2016 11:43

I honestly think he just does it to annoy me. He's fun like that. He wouldn't do it at a friend's house, no. But then we are generally all sat together at the table. Maybe I'll have to ditch the trays and lay the table, sit there looking all lonely eating my dinner while his waits.

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 31/08/2016 11:44

do it to him then when he cooks just sit there an say be ther in aminute let him see how he likes it

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 31/08/2016 11:45

Do what i do.
I remind Himself that dinner will be ready in 5 minutes. That gives him time to faff about, and hopefully appear in time for meal.
Then relax.
Eat when meal is ready.
Don't wait for him.
Don't keep it warm.
Put his meal on table and let it go cold. Looks like he doesn't care if it's cold or not.

JinkxMonsoon · 31/08/2016 11:49

Just start eating!

I realise you find it tremendously annoying, but if he is indeed trying to wind you up, wouldn't it be better to ignore him and eat your meal?

I'd also question why you've fallen into this parent-child dynamic where you expect him to sit and eat when called and he feels the need to rail against it?

Original poster
Pinkjenny · 31/08/2016 11:50

Interesting question, I'm not sure, that's clearly what he thinks.

OP posts:
Diddlydokey · 31/08/2016 11:51

Erm, tell him dinner is ready 10 minutes before it will be, then he should finish faffing by the time it is ready?

sianihedgehog · 31/08/2016 11:51

Mine does this. Turns out that he doesn't like the food "too hot", which is anything above lukewarm. Weirdo.