DP messing around at meal times

[Pinkjenny]

I can't decide whether I'm being irrational but this irritates the shit out of me. Whenever we sit down to eat, he spends at least 5-10 minutes messing about. Goes to the loo, replies to text messages, checks the sports news, while I sit there, staring at his meal while it goes cold, wanting to punch him in the face.

I consider myself quite relaxed most of the time, but this makes me fume. He says its like he's a child being forced to sit at the table.

AIBU?

I'm going to try both approaches. Eat and ignore him, and faff about when he cooks. Seems like the mature thing to do

Just give him jobs to do like making drinks, getting plates ready, setting the table etc so he can't wander off and faff.

Eat yours.
Start on his and say u assumed he didn't want it.

I have literally never known a male that doesn't do this. My dad, every BF I've ever had. The least worst is my DH but it still goes like this.

Me: dinner will be 5 minutes
DH: ok

5 mins later

Me: Dinner's ready, I'm putting it out now.
DH: ok, I'm just going to the toilet, change my pants and wash the car

WHY??!!

Just give him jobs to do like making drinks, getting plates ready, setting the table etc so he can't wander off and faff.

But why should the OP have to put time and energy and strategies in place to trick her DP into sitting down to eat when she wants him to? If he wants to faff around, let him! I don't see the problem. He's not a child.

I always tell DC & DH that dinner is on the table just as I start serving up. By the time the food really is on the table they've finished faffing. They get there just as the last plate goes down. My timing is impeccable!

DW does this, when I serve dinner it takes her about five minutes to get off social media. I find it annoying too.

I just grab my dinner and eat my family can be faffy it is rude and annoys the hell out of me I'm genuinely past caring if they FAFF they are adults and know better they don't do it all the time tbf but drives me nuts

I mean, it's not a massive problem, I just think it's a bit ignorant.

The problem for me jinkx is I like to eat food very hot and I don't like waiting for someone else to stop mucking about. It is also very useful if dh gets things ready. I do those things when he's cooked.

Dh cooked last night I faffed for a minute I know ots tit for tat nonsense

You are right Pink its rude somebody has cooked food there is no need to FAFF

I give everyone a shout a few minutes before it's ready, so they have a chance to appear at the table/faff about before I serve it.

He faffs in every area of his life, when we're leaving the house is the worst one, but I've come to accept it, I'm so used to it now.

I negotiate the timing of the meal, but then fume while DH still faffs, however it does work mostly as he works shifts so I ask when he would like to eat

Either don't cook or tell him it's ready 10 minutes before it is.
Does he even lay the table?

To be honest, we don't usually sit at the table, we usually prefer a tray on knee situation.

Perhaps that's exacerbating the issue.

Yanbu. I find it disrespectful to not come and eat when food is ready. Even worse when I get asked what time dinner is.....I tell DH and Ds when it'll be ready .......then tell them I am putting dinner out out.........then tell them dinner is out..........I can be nearly finished mine by the time they appear. Pisses me off no end. My DH is worse than 19 year old. Sometimes he doesn't respond when I tell him dinner is ready, so absorbed in whatever he is doing. He's usually heard me, he just doesn't answer. He's also a bit deaf so I have to tell him again in case he hasn't heard me. Does my head in😡

Yanbu. I have this too. I give him timings like I'm dishing up in 5 mins, dishing up NOW but he always fancies about for ages when it's ready. We used to wait for him but now we just eat and can be halfway done by the time he starts. I find it really annoying.

It's rude and disrespectful does he realise that? Have you asked him why he feels it's acceptable to be like this with you when he wouldn't dream of being so with other people? Why does he think you, his partner, is less deserving of respect and courtesy?

Emotions - I don't think it's really as bad as that, I think he's just a pita .

Same. DP decides he needs to go to the toilet, get some water, put some music on etc whilst the food is sitting there.

I just d oa 5 min warning - "dinner is about to be ready so if you want to sort some music please do it now"

My DH is the same. It annoys the shit out of me! However, he does make more of an effort nowadays, as he has realised how much it bothers me. I give him a 10 minute warning too, which helps with the 'Oh I need the loo now' thing.

In his case, his father is exactly the same - he will sit on his ipad and you have to repeatedly tell him to come to the table while the food gets cold. It's really rude! So I think it is learned behaviour.

I want to punch him as well now that I have read this.