DP messing around at meal times

[Pinkjenny]

I can't decide whether I'm being irrational but this irritates the shit out of me. Whenever we sit down to eat, he spends at least 5-10 minutes messing about. Goes to the loo, replies to text messages, checks the sports news, while I sit there, staring at his meal while it goes cold, wanting to punch him in the face.

I consider myself quite relaxed most of the time, but this makes me fume. He says its like he's a child being forced to sit at the table.

AIBU?

He's just asked me what's for tea, I told him what I and the dc had, and he said, 'what about me?'

I said, 'something cold after you've fucked about for an hour.'

Have a no phone rule whilst eating.
He's being bloody rude

I said, 'something cold after you've fucked about for an hour.'

I think it's the combination of him expecting something, "what about me?" then pissing about when it's ready.

FIL did this at Christmas. Took DH and DD out on a walk before lunch, even though DH is normally sous chef. Then came back late. Then refused to sit with everyone, "I'll wait for the children to get settled". They are settled!!! Because they have table manners. Now everyone is waiting for you!!! He's a narc, though.

I'm using multiple exclamation marks. That's not like me.

Do you always cook?

I'm always when women do all of the cooking. Or anyone one person in a relationship.

No, I said earlier he cooks a fair bit too, he faffs then as well

DH does this, faffs around making salad dressing or some other extra for the meal (no matter how much notice he is given). Rude and fucking irritating.

When oh cooks we eat really late. DS and I are both hangry. I cook, he clears up, hoovers, empties the dishwasher and makes a cuppa. If I make a roast he helps peel the veg.

I posted something very similar and was told in no uncertain terms that iwbu. Apparently he's an adult and who am I to tell him what to do and why does it bother me?

I do all the cooking. I will give a 10 minute warning (he's often in the bath, and will have been for 30-45 minutes) I then give a nearly ready warning, then I say it's ready. Often he will appear 10-15 minutes later. I find it incredibly rude.

Next time he does it, I feel I have to now say, 'Oi dp, is this some deliberate thing for some fucked up reason?'

Best line ever

so what did he think to his cold dinner ?

YANBU. I'm always irritated when my MIL dishes up dinner and makes every single person come to her, tel her yes they do want that piece of beef (same beef for everyone), carry their own plate to the table, and sit down one by one.

No-one should expect that. But serving up dinner for someone and them not appearing to eat it is so rude.

I would put it in the fridge after a while and say you wanted to keep it for another day as he doesn't want it. Or throw it out. Or eat it, pick out all the best bits.

Or tell him straight. Any time he doesn't arrive promptly for his dinner and thank you and help with clean up, results in no dinner the next day. He acts like a spoilt brat, he gets trained like one.

My dad did this. You would give him a five minute warning to which he would say "righty ho" and then a few moments later you would see him pass by on his ride on lawnmower with ear defenders on so he couldn't hear you shout him. I made a very tricky and time sensitive Christmas brunch with duck eggs amongst other luxe ingredients. The mad bastard watched me plate up then decided that was the perfect time to go and light a bonfire in a neighbouring field . He is much better now as he has to cook for himself now and he gets right mardy if anyone is late. Definitely a control thing. My DH is always sitting ready for dinner - his mum had a gong and if you weren't downstairs within 5 minutes your dinner went into the casserole thing they made for their dogs. She was not to be tested on this Splendid woman.

at riding by on his lawnmower

OP 2 evil suggestions:

a) while he's faffing around, take some of the nicest bits from his plate, e.g. a bit of the steak, or his Yorshire ....
Him: "why is my steak so small / why don't I have a Yorkshire ?"
You: "I / the mice ate it"

b) Tell him you'll book him a prostate exam, because he obviously has a problem going to the loo.

DH is a faffer, but he used to go off and phone his parents five minutes before dinner was ready and it used to drive me spare. He went through a phase of phoning nearly every night and I would always end up eating dinner alone because he was never 'just five minutes' on the phone.

I asked him several times to wait till after dinner, and he thought I was making a fuss about nothing. Then I massively lost my shit over it, threw his cold dinner in the bin, and he finally understood and stopped, thank god.

I've been through this. I was able to sort it with assertive conversation, but if that had failed, my next step would have been to say 'dinner's ready' once, then, if the person didn't come, to ditch the meal (but really put it in lunch container for myself).

My mum and my DH both do this. Both for different reasons though I think

My DH cannot stand anything that is hot and will happily sit in the sofa for a good ten minutes with it sat next to him while it cools down enough for his delicate little mouth I'm always finished before him because I like to eat my dinner whilst it's hotter than the sun.

My mum seems to have to psych herself up almost to eat the dinner. She just wanders around for at least 5 mins till she's got into the mindset of eating. You know when a dog turns round and round in a basket to get settled? She's exactly like that until I bellow 'sit the fuck down!' At her.

They are both arseholes.

My father is certainly a character! Capable of extreme bampottery but often very amusing with it.

I can;t remember the last time I served up a meal to OH. I sometimes make him a bacon buttie on a Sunday morning but that's it. I cook for me and the kids he'll have sometimes have some leftovers when he gets in, but often just pick at stuff in the evening.
I never plate up food for him.

I had no idea this was such a widespread problem. I thought it was just my dp and his particular brand of joy!