AIBU or did I actually ask her to babysit?

[Crisscrosscranky]

This is possibly massively outing.

DH and I went to a well known swedish furniture store today to pick some bits up. Our DD (9) didn't really want to come and I was having a text conversation with a good friend whilst we were discussing it. Friend mentioned she was having a day at home and I cheekily I suppose asked if DD could come over and play with her DS (also 9) for a couple of hours. She said yes and I thought nothing of it. DD and her DS are good friends - he's often come here to play including full days in Xmas hols when I am not working and his mum is.

Dropped her off at 11 and picked her up at 2 so 3 hours in total - she did have a sandwich there but I'd also packed her off with some malteasers to share with DS's son. They spent the whole 3 hours playing Lego.

When I picked DD up my friend asked me if I could have the £20 for her tomorrow as she's a bit skint . I asked "what for?" and she said "babysitting- it's normally £10 per hour on a Sunday but as she came here I'll do it for less". I said yes because I was a)embarrassed and b) shocked. I never would have asked anyone to actually babysit so we could go shopping - I thought she was doing me a favour

She is a childminder for her FT job but she's not my DD's minder. DD goes to school with her DS and I see mum socially without the kids normally to get drunk. Thinking about it DD has never been there to play without me but like I say her DS has been to our.

AIBU to think I was asking for a playdate hate that termor did I actually ask her to babysit?!

Really odd that she expected to be paid!

I suspect that, as a childminder, she's had a lot of people asking for "play dates" during the summer holidays and she's going on the offensive.

I don't think you did ask her to childmind her but I can see why she made that assumption.

That is pretty strange if you have never had a babysitting arrangement or paying arrangement with her before! I think if she is a good friend I would have to speak to her about it. If you don't then wait until she next needs childcare help and say is ten pounds an hour OK?

No you didn't aske her to babysit, send her a text with a request for belated " babysitting " you have done.

Tell her she can deduct it from your babysitting charges for the WHOLE DAYS you have looked after her child. Cheeky fucker.

She should have made it clear.

Did you word it to come and play, or to watch her? Bloody cheeky if it's the former!

If it's her job I think you probably did, obviously you will think twice before having her DS in future though.

Wow. That is cheeky.

I'd maybe send a text along the lines of "I know I agreed to pay at the time, but I was so shocked that you expected to be paid. I thought it was a favour, like when I looked after DS".

I bet she is on MN, has read this exact advice, and is using it in the wrong context. I suppose you will have to send her an invoice next time her kid goes to your place.

I think she's probably found an exceedingly effective method of stopping people cheekily asking her to babysit!

She should have told you her price before you dropped your DD over.Give you a chance to say yes or no to it.

I hope she realised what a clanger she's done.You have her dc during Xmas,well I'd say that stops now.She's ruined herself over a few quid.

I'd actually send a text saying

'Dd just mentioned payment? Has she got that right? I assumed it was a play date like the ones they have at Xmas when your working?'

Tbh asking for a play date at hers was pretty cheeky in itself. If you want a "play date" you invite the other child to yours.

I honestly wasn't- I asked if DD shed mind DD coming to play with her DS for a couple of hours as knew she was staying in! I wouldn't have thought anything of it if it was the other way round! I don't want to lose a friend over it so I will just pay this time and not make the same mistake again!

YABU you asked a childminder to have your dc so yes you should expect to pay. A friend who just happens to be a child minder who offered to have your dc would not need to be paid. You asked, she didn't offer, you benefited she didn't. She lost her probably precious one to one day at home with her dc so you could go shopping in peace I can see why you are surprised but I think she was right to charge you.

I would pay the £20 and say i thought you were a friend doing a favour for a friend. It would have been nice for you to tell me when i asked for your help that you were going to charge for it.

This ^ Then offer a rare card if she wants you to have her DS again.

You did ask her to babysit, however I wouldn't expect a friend to charge me for babysitting, especially after the event without being clear beforehand, so she was the one who was BU.

OP at xmas why did you look after her ds while she was at work if she works at home as a childminder?

I hope she realised what a clanger she's done

This.

I would rise above it with just a raised eye brow if it is mentioned again.

HOWEVER-should she ever ask you for childcare again, I would immediately reply with, 'sure, that'll be £80' or whatever. I would pay good money to be a fly on the wall when she got that text !!

Presumably she is stopping people using her as unpaid childcare which is fine UNTIL you piss people off who you need in the future!

Why did she need you to have her child though whilst she worked, if she is a childminder?