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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or did I actually ask her to babysit?

442 replies

Crisscrosscranky · 28/08/2016 18:17

This is possibly massively outing.

DH and I went to a well known swedish furniture store today to pick some bits up. Our DD (9) didn't really want to come and I was having a text conversation with a good friend whilst we were discussing it. Friend mentioned she was having a day at home and I cheekily I suppose asked if DD could come over and play with her DS (also 9) for a couple of hours. She said yes and I thought nothing of it. DD and her DS are good friends - he's often come here to play including full days in Xmas hols when I am not working and his mum is.

Dropped her off at 11 and picked her up at 2 so 3 hours in total - she did have a sandwich there but I'd also packed her off with some malteasers to share with DS's son. They spent the whole 3 hours playing Lego.

When I picked DD up my friend asked me if I could have the £20 for her tomorrow as she's a bit skint Confused. I asked "what for?" and she said "babysitting- it's normally £10 per hour on a Sunday but as she came here I'll do it for less". I said yes because I was a)embarrassed and b) shocked. I never would have asked anyone to actually babysit so we could go shopping - I thought she was doing me a favour Blush

She is a childminder for her FT job but she's not my DD's minder. DD goes to school with her DS and I see mum socially without the kids normally to get drunk. Thinking about it DD has never been there to play without me but like I say her DS has been to our.

AIBU to think I was asking for a playdate hate that termor did I actually ask her to babysit?!

OP posts:
Nocabbageinmyeye · 28/08/2016 19:17

I'd drop her too, this would just totally leave a sour taste in my mouth

MinonsMovie · 28/08/2016 19:20

All this talk of dropping people over £20 and possibly a misunderstanding. She might say "I didn't see it that way, I'm sorry. Forget I ever asked for £20"
Don't just drop a good friend, talk it out... If you can't resolve it then thats different but true friends are hard to come by. It's really sad to lose one over this.

LazyFemme · 28/08/2016 19:26

My friends and I do this regularly, if one has a doctor's appointment or a hair cut or needs to go shopping or whatever they'll send the kids over to play for a couple of hours and then it's reciprocated later. Friends help each other out. I think it's really sad the amount of women here who don't seem to have that support network and think it's "cheeky" or "sly". It's been an absolute life saver for me and my friends, and great for our children who all love playing with one another. I wouldn't be without it.

RepentAtLeisure · 28/08/2016 19:27

I'd pay her, but I'd also remember. I wouldn't be in a rush to do her any favours in future.

WiddlinDiddlin · 28/08/2016 19:30

Hmm..

If you reverse this though from the other Mums point of view..

Other Mum: So I was chatting with a friend via text earlier today and she was telling me how they'd planned to go to Ikea but their DC was chucking a strop because she didn't want to go.

I am a child minder and I was planning a quiet day in, all summer I have had cheeky buggers asking me if their kid can come for a play date with mine as a way of getting free child minding so I knew where this was going.

Sure enough she asks if her DD can come over, like a fool ive said yes but I really wanted a day off minding other peoples kids... what would MN do?

All of Mumsnet: When she comes to pick up child, ask her to pay the going rate.

No?

lotusbiscuit · 28/08/2016 19:32

Can you say you'll pay but ask for clarity when favours are being exchanged or business being arranged, so you know for next time.

I think he has shot herself in the foot here.

MinonsMovie · 28/08/2016 19:33

WiddlinDiddlin that is such a fair point.

Happyinthehazeofadrunkenhour · 28/08/2016 19:33

minions In an ideal world that may happen as a suitable outcome but I bloody well doubt it. The friend was not a true friend, she was an opportunistic cheeky cow taking advantage of the OPs good nature.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 28/08/2016 19:33

True Widdlin but then they would all call massive drip feed and change their minds once the op revealed the friend had had her ds for several full days Wink

Katedotness1963 · 28/08/2016 19:36

I don't think this is the way friends should treat each other. I'd pay this time, but in future I'd let her go ahead and send her child to holiday club rather than have him at mine all day.

MinonsMovie · 28/08/2016 19:36

How has OP shown she has a good nature to be taken advantage of?

Katedotness1963 · 28/08/2016 19:37

Also, I think there's a big difference between cheeky buggers and a friend who looks after your child too.

somekindofmother · 28/08/2016 19:38

Criss did she text back?

can't imagine her son gets his friends over to play often if his mum is charging their mums for the pleasure!

dustarr73 · 28/08/2016 19:41

But as MN love to point out,no is a complete sentence. You can't have it both ways.If you send your kid on a play date it should be recepricol on some level.Its not as the OP friend just sees free childcare and is not willing to do it back.

Hockeydude · 28/08/2016 19:42

I'd give her the £20 and cull the "friendship".

PinkissimoAndPearls · 28/08/2016 19:42

How exactly did you word your request for your DD to come over to be looked after?

I think "play dates" (hate that term) are suggested, they are always at the home of the inviter. I wouldn't ask any of my DCs' friends parents (well when they were smaller) if my DC could go over to their house to play, unless it was an emergency eg someone having to go to hospital. Wanting to go to IKEA on a BH weekend and asking with short notice as your dd didn't want to go, is cheeky IMO.

I tend to think fair play to the other mum, but it does depend greatly how you asked.

Happyinthehazeofadrunkenhour · 28/08/2016 19:42

Well the fact that she has had the childminders kid for whole days for free (as friends do) and that she considered this woman to be a good friend. The childminder friend must have some nerve! And to not suggest she would be charging for her time until OP came to collect! Its Bonkers!

ChicRock · 28/08/2016 19:44

Your relationship is not what you thought it was. That's sad. She's not a friend. Friends don't treat other friends like clients.

Pay her the £20 and in future treat her exactly as she is - the parent of a friend of your DD's.

Don't put yourself out for her, she's happy to pay for holiday club for her child so let her, unless it suits you to invite her child over.

heron98 · 28/08/2016 19:44

I think it makes fuck all difference that she's a childminder.

You'd have asked her the same question if she were a nurse/teacher/SAHM/whatever.

It's the fact she's expecting payment for a favour that seems weird to me.

Yellowbird54321 · 28/08/2016 19:47

I think I'd feel a bit sad and hurt (and then angry) about it too OP. I think she's brass necked, I'd give her the money with a stony look on my face then drop her. Shame for the kids if they have been friendly up to now but hopefully they have other friends they can have 'play dates' with.

manyathingyouknow · 28/08/2016 19:48

You need To tel us what her reply was!!

MinonsMovie · 28/08/2016 19:51

Wow yellow you'd stop your dc friendships over a small issue youve had with their parents? That seems petty and a bit mean.

InfiniteCurve · 28/08/2016 19:51

Perfectly reasonable to ask a friend to have your child,if your child and theirs are friends,I've done it and wouldn't think twice about it if a good friend asked me for whatever reason.
For someone who wasn't a good friend I'd expect to have a more important reason ( hospital appointment etc), but not for a good friend.
And you expect friends to say no,if they don't want to!
Childminder friend should have said upfront that she would be charging,wrong not to do so.

clare2307 · 28/08/2016 19:54

I don't think it's cheeky to ask a friend to have your child for a few hours... I regularly have my daughters friends over (and happily feed them if they are here over a meal time!) and their parents do the same as we are also friends. Sometimes it's as a favour, sometimes it's just so the kids can play and sometime it's just to be nice and let them have some child free time. I don't think OP has been out of order at all. I would be a bit annoyed to be honest and it would probably put me off doing any favours for her in the future. I'd pay up to keep the peace but not ask again. I can't imagine a 9 year old ruined a day of peace, if anything like my house, I get more peace when my daughter has a friend over!

gamerchick · 28/08/2016 19:55

Bide your time, Christmas babysitting is a tenner an hour.

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