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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or did I actually ask her to babysit?

442 replies

Crisscrosscranky · 28/08/2016 18:17

This is possibly massively outing.

DH and I went to a well known swedish furniture store today to pick some bits up. Our DD (9) didn't really want to come and I was having a text conversation with a good friend whilst we were discussing it. Friend mentioned she was having a day at home and I cheekily I suppose asked if DD could come over and play with her DS (also 9) for a couple of hours. She said yes and I thought nothing of it. DD and her DS are good friends - he's often come here to play including full days in Xmas hols when I am not working and his mum is.

Dropped her off at 11 and picked her up at 2 so 3 hours in total - she did have a sandwich there but I'd also packed her off with some malteasers to share with DS's son. They spent the whole 3 hours playing Lego.

When I picked DD up my friend asked me if I could have the £20 for her tomorrow as she's a bit skint Confused. I asked "what for?" and she said "babysitting- it's normally £10 per hour on a Sunday but as she came here I'll do it for less". I said yes because I was a)embarrassed and b) shocked. I never would have asked anyone to actually babysit so we could go shopping - I thought she was doing me a favour Blush

She is a childminder for her FT job but she's not my DD's minder. DD goes to school with her DS and I see mum socially without the kids normally to get drunk. Thinking about it DD has never been there to play without me but like I say her DS has been to our.

AIBU to think I was asking for a playdate hate that termor did I actually ask her to babysit?!

OP posts:
takesnoprisoners · 28/08/2016 18:55

You did not even pack a lunch for your child. You were being really sly and you got caught because she did one better. :) Well played to your friend and YABU

KC225 · 28/08/2016 18:56

I don't think you asked her to babysit. She didn't come over to your place, no price was agree beforehand. You asked a friend for a favour and she could have said 'no' at the time.

Her being a childminder is irrelevant to this situation. It was not a work situation. You are (were) friends, the kids are friends and have enjoyed playdates for years. I think she is trying to score £20.00 or maybe she has decided to put a stop to you asking.

Glastonbury · 28/08/2016 18:56

You were being cheeky to ask her in the first place.

dustarr73 · 28/08/2016 18:56

Yes it's nice to be nice,something the op friend will learn in time.

PlotterOfPlots · 28/08/2016 18:57

Is it possible she's done you a few favours in a row and feels it's your turn?

I think you're right to pay up this time, and in future maybe stick to explicit tit for tat childcare swaps and check if she's planning to charge you!

Ditsy4 · 28/08/2016 18:58

I think if they are friends and OP has minded her DS then why not ask. My friends and I have often asked each other including shopping. "We are going shopping but x doesn't want to go would it be ok if he went to yours for a few hours?"
OP
I think you asked a favour of a friend. I would be inclined to hand it over and say I'm sorry I was asking a favour i didn't realise you were charging me. Next time DD will come with me whether she likes it or not and laugh.
When she asks you to have DS say oh I'm sorry we have something planned. Even if you are happy to have him just don't make yourself available every time.

cardibach · 28/08/2016 18:58

That's true. But I think it's a bit different with older children of friends. It didn't cause her more work I wouldn't have thought. I'm a teacher and I help friends children with exam prep for no charge which is a similar thing.

jay55 · 28/08/2016 18:58

Asking her to mind your kid on her day off was cheeky when that is what she does for work.

NancyJoan · 28/08/2016 18:59

I think you've got a fair bit of front asking her to look after your child for three hours on a BH Sunday, when she told you she'd got a quiet day planned. She looks after kids all week long, it's a bit busman's holiday for her.

I wonder if you're not the first person to ask her 'just for a couple of hours' since 'you'll be at home anyway', so she felt she might as well get paid for what is usually her job.

I've seen plenty of SAHMs on MN this summer be told to charge an hourly rate when working friends have asked them to have their kids for them.

MinonsMovie · 28/08/2016 18:59

Merylperil no charge if they are invited. Of course you charge if someone asks for your services... But you state your rate before providing the service.

Original poster
Crisscrosscranky · 28/08/2016 19:01

Thanks all- just want to point out this is the first time I have asked her for any kind of favour! I've text her and apologised for the confusion/being cheeky- I have said I'll pay her but I really wasn't expecting her to work on a Sunday- it was just a chance for DD to play with friend so I didn't have to drag her round IKEA and that I'd be happy repay the favour any time or if she just wanted a few hours peace.

Is that not what friends do? I'm genuinely a bit sad about all of this.

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 28/08/2016 19:01

It was a bit cheeky of you to ask her, but you have accepted that and to be honest-I would say the same to my mum/sister in law/close friends and they have said similar to me-so not actually that awful.

I suspect that

  1. She's had people taking advantage of her before so is trying to put down boundaries.
  1. She hasn't actually ever asked you to have her child so she is seeing the two things in a different way.
  1. She doesn't see you as a good friend. Good friends don't charge each other money.
MinonsMovie · 28/08/2016 19:01

Cardibach that is really lovely and I'm sure they appreciate that. I genuinely mean that. But do you offer, or do they solicit your services?

KC225 · 28/08/2016 19:03

Has she replied OP?

Happyinthehazeofadrunkenhour · 28/08/2016 19:04

I don't think op has been cheeky at all, She was popping to a 'well known swedish furniture shop' aka Ikea Grin and while chatting to a friend suggested her dd could pop over for a couple of hours, Its what good friends do, I do it all the time and have done it for my friends..this friend is a cheeky cow of the highest order! I would prob pay what she's asking and never ask again.

Arfarfanarf · 28/08/2016 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Roussette · 28/08/2016 19:05

She is greedy. I would hand it over but honestly say you were totally taken aback as you have had her DS over to yours lots and you are just very disappointed that she has introduced hard cash into your friendship.

dustarr73 · 28/08/2016 19:07

Crisscrosscranky that's exactly what friends do.You don't come across as entitled.You come across as a nice friend who has saved your friend a few quid.No harm in asking.

Your friend could have said no or even told you she was charging but she pulled a fast one.Which has backfired on her somewhat.

acasualobserver · 28/08/2016 19:08

Pay up. Drop 'friend'. Your relationship isn't what you thought it was.

Jizzomelette · 28/08/2016 19:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sonjadog · 28/08/2016 19:09

I wonder if she has had a stream of people wanting her to look after their kids at the weekend and she has gotten a bit annoyed about it all? I imagine as a child minder, she isn´t really enthusiastic about minding kids in her free time too. She might have decided that she is going to charge people to stop them taking the piss, and unfortunately you have been subjected to her new found resolution, even though in your case it isn´t really right to charge you.

I think I would probably just give her the 20 pounds, and from now on make sure it is clear what arrangement you have.

ImperialBlether · 28/08/2016 19:10

In the last year, how many times have you had her son and how many times has she had your daughter?

Crunchymum · 28/08/2016 19:10

If you you are close enough to ask for her to have your child for a few hours (there are very few people in my circle I'd spring my kids on with such short notice) then you are close enough to discuss the money issue.

SuperFlyHigh · 28/08/2016 19:12

Should have said no if she didn't want to childmind or name the price then.

To do so afterwards is petty and a bit grasping. OP she is not a good friend of yours. However I would give her the £20 but cut down on the friendship part.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 28/08/2016 19:14

Sly?? She asked ffs, nobody sends their 9 year old with a packed lunch!

I don't think you were cheeky, different if you asked regularly but you clearly don't so a rare request in fine.

She is super cheeky though

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