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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or did I actually ask her to babysit?

442 replies

Crisscrosscranky · 28/08/2016 18:17

This is possibly massively outing.

DH and I went to a well known swedish furniture store today to pick some bits up. Our DD (9) didn't really want to come and I was having a text conversation with a good friend whilst we were discussing it. Friend mentioned she was having a day at home and I cheekily I suppose asked if DD could come over and play with her DS (also 9) for a couple of hours. She said yes and I thought nothing of it. DD and her DS are good friends - he's often come here to play including full days in Xmas hols when I am not working and his mum is.

Dropped her off at 11 and picked her up at 2 so 3 hours in total - she did have a sandwich there but I'd also packed her off with some malteasers to share with DS's son. They spent the whole 3 hours playing Lego.

When I picked DD up my friend asked me if I could have the £20 for her tomorrow as she's a bit skint Confused. I asked "what for?" and she said "babysitting- it's normally £10 per hour on a Sunday but as she came here I'll do it for less". I said yes because I was a)embarrassed and b) shocked. I never would have asked anyone to actually babysit so we could go shopping - I thought she was doing me a favour Blush

She is a childminder for her FT job but she's not my DD's minder. DD goes to school with her DS and I see mum socially without the kids normally to get drunk. Thinking about it DD has never been there to play without me but like I say her DS has been to our.

AIBU to think I was asking for a playdate hate that termor did I actually ask her to babysit?!

OP posts:
Bagina · 28/08/2016 18:30

I think she's taking her frustration out on you. I'd distance myself; friends wouldn't do that. She's implying you've been a cheeky mare.

expatinscotland · 28/08/2016 18:31

She should have told you before you left her there. I'd text her back, 'I know I agreed to pay you, but I did so out of shock. You hadn't mentioned that it was a babysit, and I've had your son even full days in the holidays and wouldn't have dreamed of charging you. I won't pay you because you didn't give me a chance to accept or decline any sort of paid childcare arrangement.'

Original poster
Crisscrosscranky · 28/08/2016 18:34

Minions the kids she minds are younger - all pre school - and our kids are older (9). My DD and her DS have been friends since they were around 3 so I don't mind having him for the day while she entertains the younger ones- it's actually easier for me as he and DD amuse themselves! She actually pays for her DS to go to holiday club when she's working normally!

OP posts:
Fizzer123 · 28/08/2016 18:34

If I was your friend I would be a bit pissed off that you had asked me if your dd could come around when you found out I was having a quiet day in too, so you could shop in peace. That is v cheeky imo.

dustarr73 · 28/08/2016 18:36

I'd pay but would send an itemised bill for when you had her kid.Cheeky mare.

IsItGinTimeYet · 28/08/2016 18:36

She is not your friend, a friend wouldn't do that.

rollonthesummer · 28/08/2016 18:36

She actually pays for her DS to go to holiday club when she's working normally

How odd! Most people I know who have become childminders do it for the sole reason that they they DON'T have to use paid childcare for their own kids!

When you've had her son before-has she asked you or did you offer?

MinonsMovie · 28/08/2016 18:38

I think it depends on if she has asked you to do these days or you have invited her DS to come over. If the former it's definitely unfair, but if it's an invite then this is the first time one person has asked the other to babysit and it could be different values. Hmm

I would not pay though, as she didn't agree a price beforehand.

converseandjeans · 28/08/2016 18:39

Perhaps you could suggest repaying the favour by having her son another day rather than pay any cash? Agree with others she should have either said 'no' or 'I'll have to charge you as it's Bank Hols'

MinonsMovie · 28/08/2016 18:40

But I also think inviting your kid on a play date to childminders house on the weekend is unreasonable. If she knew you were going out she would have offered if she didn't mind.

Laiste · 28/08/2016 18:41

I think this is down to you asking if DD could go to hers while you went out.

Presumably when her DS has come to you it was purely for the actual play date, IYSWIM?

If not then you'd be within your rights to bring up past occasions when you've had her DS at yours and say you didn't charge ect.

However - it's up to you at the end of the day if £20 is worth loosing a decent drinking buddy over.

Original poster
Crisscrosscranky · 28/08/2016 18:42

roll her DS is a live wire- I think it would be difficult for her with little ones and him. Anyway, I have offered in the past because it seems silly for her to pay for holiday club when I'm around and don't mind having him- I won't be offering going forward as I have a feeling she doesn't see our friendship the same way I do!

Thanks for all your advice- I did know I was being cheeky but I really did think we were good enough friends she'd have told me to eff off if she didn't want DD to go over!

OP posts:
amprev · 28/08/2016 18:44

I would invoice her for the Maltesers you sent, based on her DS eating 50% of the packet. She sounds like a bellend. I can't believe she thinks this is fair - she is behaving as if your dd is aged

BlackCatSleeps · 28/08/2016 18:45

I think you're equally cheeky! I'd be pretty irritated with a friend who wanted me to have their child so they could shop! Work, when stuck, yes, but shopping, nope!

amprev · 28/08/2016 18:45

Charging not harging

Mojito6 · 28/08/2016 18:47

I would definitely pay it just to save awkwardness now but would 100% charge her £10 an hour next time she expects you to have her child over Christmas.

MinonsMovie · 28/08/2016 18:48

It sounds like she has never asked you to babysit. You have offered.

But today you asked her to babysit.

hollyisalovelyname · 28/08/2016 18:49

OP as has been said before- she is not your friend.
No way would a friend do that.
Give her a fright the next time she asks you to mind her ds and say it'll be £x per hour but you'll give her a discount.
The cheek of her.
However it has backfired as you won't mind her ds anymore

dustarr73 · 28/08/2016 18:49

Well to be fair the friend could have told the OP no.But she probably had pound signs in her eyes.

amprev · 28/08/2016 18:50

I don't think it's cheeky if you're a friend and the children concerned are friends. I think it's cheeky if the two children wouldn't ordinarily play with each other. When my dd's friends come here play I don't have to do anything different other than make an extra sandwich for the extra children - mine are 6 and 9. They play in garden, lego, minecraft, dvd, come on a dog walk, drawing. If it's a child I don't know or doesn't know the house or a child who can't seem to just play with other children and needs to ask me questions constantly then that is a different matter and it becomes a ballache and I clock watch until pick up time.

DownWithThisSortaThing · 28/08/2016 18:51

If your DD was toddler, I might see where she's coming from, but your DD is 9. Did she really even have to watch them? They played Lego together. At that age they're no bother. And she's a good friend?!

I would say I thought it's nice for them to play together at each other's houses and her DS is welcome round yours whenever he likes or if she ever needs a favour, you will repay her and watch him/feed him - which is surely better than charging each other for babysitting?

cardibach · 28/08/2016 18:52

Would you BlackCat? My DD is 20 now, so it's a while ago, but I'd have been happy to have her friends if their parents wanted to do something not child friendly and I was at home anyway. I'm pretty certain I did. What's the harm?

Choceeclair123 · 28/08/2016 18:54

What's wrong with asking if your child can go over and play with their friend?! There's no need to complicate things here, the woman's a cheeky bitch and is not your friend.

MinonsMovie · 28/08/2016 18:55

Cardibach You weren't a childminder though

MerylPeril · 28/08/2016 18:55

Unbelievable- who cares if she is a CM you have a different kind of relationship.
If children have friends whose parents who are CM do they get charged whenever they go round then?
Pathetic.