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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or did I actually ask her to babysit?

442 replies

Crisscrosscranky · 28/08/2016 18:17

This is possibly massively outing.

DH and I went to a well known swedish furniture store today to pick some bits up. Our DD (9) didn't really want to come and I was having a text conversation with a good friend whilst we were discussing it. Friend mentioned she was having a day at home and I cheekily I suppose asked if DD could come over and play with her DS (also 9) for a couple of hours. She said yes and I thought nothing of it. DD and her DS are good friends - he's often come here to play including full days in Xmas hols when I am not working and his mum is.

Dropped her off at 11 and picked her up at 2 so 3 hours in total - she did have a sandwich there but I'd also packed her off with some malteasers to share with DS's son. They spent the whole 3 hours playing Lego.

When I picked DD up my friend asked me if I could have the £20 for her tomorrow as she's a bit skint Confused. I asked "what for?" and she said "babysitting- it's normally £10 per hour on a Sunday but as she came here I'll do it for less". I said yes because I was a)embarrassed and b) shocked. I never would have asked anyone to actually babysit so we could go shopping - I thought she was doing me a favour Blush

She is a childminder for her FT job but she's not my DD's minder. DD goes to school with her DS and I see mum socially without the kids normally to get drunk. Thinking about it DD has never been there to play without me but like I say her DS has been to our.

AIBU to think I was asking for a playdate hate that termor did I actually ask her to babysit?!

OP posts:
MinonsMovie · 31/08/2016 14:00

Now dustarr, do you really think that, or are you just into mean mode now?

MinonsMovie · 31/08/2016 14:01

(Plenty of posts have said the same as me - you just ignore them! Hmm )

JacquesHammer · 31/08/2016 14:01

Interesting Minons what are the inverted commas around ladies in aid of.

But - going forward I am now going to remember that asking for favours is an error.

Oh - and I am not the asker. But I get asked for quite a few favours. I either say "yes of course" (and don't charge) or "not this time sorry".

Neither has caused an international incident yet

dustarr73 · 31/08/2016 14:04

No in not I just don't understand your stance on this.It just seems to be you making up sceneries that are nothing like the ops.To me it was a simple case of friend asking another friend for a favour.

Which had a yes or no answer,certainly didn't deserve this drama

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/08/2016 14:06

Minions I'm certainly not a sheep either. My username isn't accidental -DD takes after me Smile. Just because intelligent people don't agree with your brand of logic, it really doesn't have to get personal, which your comment was. Hence my response.

MinonsMovie · 31/08/2016 14:08

I've said many times that we don't need to agree.
I just don't think this is a good guy/bad guy situation.
I can't imagine the person that nurtures a friendship for years, just waiting for that day when she can 'scam' her friend out of £20.

It just doesn't add up to me.

JacquesHammer · 31/08/2016 14:10

I can't imagine the person that nurtures a friendship for years, just waiting for that day when she can 'scam' her friend out of £20

No neither do I - but she manipulated this situation in her favour which is incredibly tasteless to do to a friend, no?

MinonsMovie · 31/08/2016 14:12

Indeed it is.

which is why I can't imagine that it isn't either a strawman situation, or a misunderstanding.

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/08/2016 14:19

No this isn't good guy/bad guy. However, this woman has never been a provider of childminding service to op and as far as we are aware, op had no intention of asking her for a childminding service. Before entering into a contract, whether verbal or written, it is customary to agree which goods or service is being provided and the price of said goods/service.

Had this woman acted in a professional manner, op would have made an informed decision as to whether or not she wished to enter into a contract. But she didn't.

Most of us on here agree that she didn't put all of her cards on the table in the beginning and chanced her hand. Op was too embarrassed to refuse to pay and took responsibility for the other woman's gaffe.

GemmaWella81 · 31/08/2016 15:43

Grip can be found in aisle 3, just next to the cello tape.

bumsexatthebingo · 01/09/2016 00:50

I don't think it's about being 'adult' enough to say no. The cm was caught on the hop. I wonder what the op would have said if she did mention charges? That she'd just take her dd with her then because she's not worth paying? Also not sure how the op would know she played Lego the whole time or why that would be an issue? She paid for her child to be babysat not taught Mandarin!

frokingst · 01/09/2016 00:53

gemma is the cello tape next to the violin strings? Grin

SwearySwearyQuiteContrary · 01/09/2016 02:09

Her F/T job is looking after other people's children. On her day off you asked her to look after your child so you could do something else. Of all the kids your DD knows, this is the one who's mum doesn't do play dates at her home. Why would you think that suddenly this wouldn't apply to your DD on a rare day off from other people's children?

Yes, she should have been clear from the outset, however, you put her on the spot!! In any case, it's worked as I guess you won't be asking for childcare again.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/09/2016 05:32

The childminder acted unprofessionally by not entering into a contract as I have already stated. This is no way to manage a busines or a friendship for that matter. All waffle or passive aggressive "grip" and "sellotape" comments do not detract from this.

Aeroflotgirl · 01/09/2016 07:23

At the end of the day whether your caught on the hop or not, really no excuse. If she can ask £20 after, she can be upfront and say no. She is probably used to friends asking. Op paid, quite rightly will cool the friendship, that would make me think less of this 'friend', especially when op has had her ds to help her out, you wou,d think a good friend would help out too, obviously not in this case. Op shoukd lower her expectations of this woman.

LyraMortalia · 01/09/2016 07:42

Op dumped her child on someone who wanted a quiet day I charge for my work I would have expect to pay for someone else to work for me. Not everybody on this thread thinks the Op is right there's been a real mixed bag of opinions but it's very interesting how upset some posters are at the idea there is two sides to this.

I only worked odd hours (self-employed) and always had two weeks off in August, I always had far more friends in the holidays just ringing to see what I was doing' my kids would rarely have had a quiet day. One 'friend' who I had swopped a couple of previous play dates with left her dc with me for five hours when she'd asked to leave them while she popped out turned out she went out for lunch and shopping with her mum. I had to get really assertive which isn't my nature. In the Op's case I think there is a lot more backstory than we've been told.

Aeroflotgirl · 01/09/2016 08:13

Lyra she asked, she did not go there and leave her dd at friends.surely you would tell the person no, or yes but I will change x amount, giving op the opportunity to decline! It sounds like it is the first time friend has had op child, mabey next time op shod charge friend if she has her son for her.

LyraMortalia · 01/09/2016 08:21

My point is its sometimes very hard to say no without the full story I think the cm must have had a reason to be annoyed and hence to charge, whatever actually happened these two aren't 'friends' who swop playdates and the cm has made that clear.

JacquesHammer · 01/09/2016 08:53

If she has the brass neck to charge retrospectively I don't think we need to worry she's the type of shy, retiring violet who can't say "sorry OP, we can't today - planning a family day - but would love to have her to play another time"

Johnny5isAlive · 01/09/2016 09:36

But sweary they are friends. Pre-kids friends. She asked this particular person because they are good friends. And watch each other's kids..... Or were and did
No longer, I suspect

MinonsMovie · 01/09/2016 09:37

Oh my goodness, I'm so relieved to read other people considering both sides. It was becoming a bit of an ambush!

No one is saying cm friend is squeaky clean, but this story hasn't been told in full. Why has OP failed to come back and clarified more? Confirmed or denied the many assumptions we have all been making?

MinonsMovie · 01/09/2016 09:38

(Where does it say they are pre kids friends? Hmm)

Aeroflotgirl · 01/09/2016 09:42

Now this is piss taking, I am shocked at some of the piss taking going on here. Yes friend is big enough to say no, we are having a family day today, if she can ask for payment.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2721606-To-be-quite-annoyed-about-these-childcare-requests?

Aeroflotgirl · 01/09/2016 09:43

Meant piss taking going on that other thread.

Johnny5isAlive · 01/09/2016 09:49

Oh sorry, she said they've been good friends for 6 years, not 9. So not pre-kids
My mistake