To Get Annoyed with people who always think they can keep my children under control..

[Blueflowers2011]

So... are you one of these people that insists they can keep other people's children controlled? Or do you get this said to you all the time... in a nutshell..

I have 2 boys, 5 and 3.5. Both great boys, lovely natured - they are mega energetic, highly demanding and always need something to be doing, playing with, climbing etc. Both me and DH have our work cut out but we do a pretty good job in general, in my opinion.

So when those, especially at the school gate keep insisting 'leave them with me for a few hours, they'll soon behave' or my husband wont allow any of that, just bring them round etc just annoys me sooooo much.

No - you cannot just turn on a button and control any child in a couple of hours, ours can be complex in their mad moments like any vibrant children and both myself and DH know what generally works and what doesnt. A few hours might do it but its not the same as 24/7.

Why do other people - and for me its the parents at my school with one child or extremely well behaved children - that just dont ever consider that other children may actually be different to theirs? It drives me mad.

So aibu to get so annoyed? I am close to snapping and saying something but of course that would be the wrong thing to do.

FFS, it isn't glee. When several people are suggesting to your face that your children are badly behaved, then they probably are.

Everyone's children misbehave at times, no one is disputing that, but if your childrens' behaviour invokes comment then there is probably a problem!!

If you post about this on a public board, then you will get varying opinions. This is Mumsnet, not Sheepnet.

seems like sheepnet to me. one person makes an unkind comment the rest follow.

Yeah, but we don't know who these people are who have been so rude to OP in rl do we? They could be unpleasant bullies. We just don't know.

We do know that there are people queuing up to criticise others' parenting, as evidenced on here. So are you guys only this vile when you're hiding on the internet??

MNer a psychologist wrote a book called "Pink Brain, Blue Brain"?! That's horrid. Not sure I could respect someone who used that title.

maqueen i described my ds to his new teacher as 'really hard work!' I wonder what your teacher friends would think of me

Honeysuckle I would suggest you read the book before you judge the title but it actually talks about both the differences and the astounding similarities between boys and girls.

But why bother to read something evidence based that could alter the way you think and give you a good educational grounding for why kids behave the way they do?

Why write something as you describe and then give it such an offensive title? Happy to read it on your description, but the title would not entice me too. Eugh. I presume they cover the effect that socialisation has had on the observed behaviours?

Calleigh they'd probably be relieved that you actually know what your DS is really like

'Pink Brain Blue Brain'

Is the title really that bad boys and girls are not the same.

sunshine there is huge debate about why that might be, but it's generally considered offensive to suggest it's to do with their physical brain.

I agree I wouldn't be enticed by a book called 'Pink Brain, Blue Brain', unless it had the sub title of 'Dismantling the myth of 'Lady Brain'.'

Honeysuckle I don't know why they gave it the name they did but it is really thorough account of child development from fertilisation through to the teenage years and covers the known effects of hormones, neurological differences, socialisation... It looks at everything - studies on the brain, studies with twins (fraternal and identical)... and it admits where the evidence simply isn't available to be definitive.

I am half through it and have found it a real revelation. It is an absolute bible on child development and I am so pleased that the health visitor pointed it out to me. It was the most useful health visitor appointment I have ever had - she was reassuring that everything he was up to was just part of him learning and wanted me to read this book to give me the courage and the knowledge to support my son within the boundaries that we will have to continually outline to him. I would heartily recommend everyone to read it.

Btw MNer please do t take my distaste at the title as a slight to you. I didn't suggest you shouldn't read academic literature, i merely said I don't like the title. Unless of course you are the publicist and came up with the title

I prefer the title raising boys and raising girls. It's gets straight to the point.

Cross post MNer : what a shame you aren't the publicist! It sounds fab!

I think I need to follow my own advice and stop caring what others think (this is my own continual learning journey). The book is amazing. I don't care what the title is as long as it is evidence-based, critical in its evaluation and thorough, which it is.

It is up to you guys whether you want to climb out of your judgey pants and learn something that actually counts rather than jumping on the bandwagon or jumping on something just because your own experience doesn't match what you read on MN.

I am only posting because I want the people reading/lurking in my situation to know they are not alone, that not everyone is judging them and yes it is bloody hard work raising exuberant children, we could indeed do with a break.

what a nasty thing to say mrsmarge

Women are from Venus and me from Mars I think that is a dreadful title. I read two pages and then I put the book down. What a load of rubbish.

Maybe I should try to get some royalties Honeysuckle? haha. Not a publicist, not an author, just a convert

I have reported your message mrsmarge. That is too far even for AIBU.

Mner it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks you got your point across and that's all that matters. I come across old threads all the time when looking for advice.

Sunshine she also recommended a book called "raising boys" which has arrived but I am still in the midst of the other.

I think you should, MNer! Write to the publisher for your cheque.