To Get Annoyed with people who always think they can keep my children under control..

[Blueflowers2011]

So... are you one of these people that insists they can keep other people's children controlled? Or do you get this said to you all the time... in a nutshell..

I have 2 boys, 5 and 3.5. Both great boys, lovely natured - they are mega energetic, highly demanding and always need something to be doing, playing with, climbing etc. Both me and DH have our work cut out but we do a pretty good job in general, in my opinion.

So when those, especially at the school gate keep insisting 'leave them with me for a few hours, they'll soon behave' or my husband wont allow any of that, just bring them round etc just annoys me sooooo much.

No - you cannot just turn on a button and control any child in a couple of hours, ours can be complex in their mad moments like any vibrant children and both myself and DH know what generally works and what doesnt. A few hours might do it but its not the same as 24/7.

Why do other people - and for me its the parents at my school with one child or extremely well behaved children - that just dont ever consider that other children may actually be different to theirs? It drives me mad.

So aibu to get so annoyed? I am close to snapping and saying something but of course that would be the wrong thing to do.

if you're children can't sit for 20 minutes to eat their food, then something isn't quite right, are they diagnosed with anything?

And as for PPs labelling of your children, all they had to go on was
"they are mega energetic, highly demanding and always need something to be doing" and "ours can be complex in their mad moments"

You failed to mention things like "perfectly behaved, teachers say they are great to teach, totally not disruptive"

if they are perfectly behaved and totally not disruptive at school, this means they can sit down quietly for 20 minute to do their work, follow instructions, etc.

So why can't they do this with you?

Well, one of them is only 3 - not being able to sit still for 20 mins is hardly evidence of special needs.

Op, do your children stop doing something if you ask them to? Do you tell them off if they are deliberately naughty? Do you have effective boundaries in place to reward good behaviour and punish if necessary?

There is a huge difference between your offspring being energetic and spirited compared to if they are running wild completely out of control. I'm guessing that you won't be back but if you are still reading can you honestly say that there is no reason why people have said these things to you?

Typical aibu

Op - aibu?

MN - yes

Op - no I'm not / flounce

At school - perfectly behaved, teachers say they are great to teach, totally not disruptive. Otherwise out of school need constant stimulation, run around, climb trees, want to play, will not sit in a restuarant longer than 20 mins. All pretty normal stuff imov- but constant.

As a PP says: The fact that they can't sit in a restaurant for 20 mins at their age is indicative of a problem with how you manage their behaviour. Either they sit quitely and behave appropriately at a restaurant, or you don't take them to restaurants if they can't behave. They absolutely should not be there and misbehaving (although I suspect they are allowed to behave however the heck they like).

Secondly, if your childrens' teachers are saying they behave perfectly correctly for them, then the problem is the way you parent them when you have charge.

Thirdly, calling other posters vulgar when you're the one with such badly behaved children that people are regularly commenting on it suggests a good hard look in the mirror may be in order.

OP, I am with you!!

Someone saying their husband would get them under control is weirdly sexist, hugely undermining, as well as very threatening.

Saying a few hours in their house would get them under control is again threatening. Why would it - what will happen in those few hours?

Children are humans, not robots to be controlled. Sure, make sure your children are behaving appropriately. But meet their needs too, and don't seek to control them. The emphasis on controlling in this thread is shocking.

I hope this thread hasn't upset you too much OP.

I think ops update has answered any questions on whether she intends to improve her children's behaviour.

Yeah I've had this with DD3, she's Autistic so good f*cking luck "teaching her how to behave"
My mother has a wonderful motto If you can't say anything nice shut the hell up !!!!!!!!
I also used to get this with DS1, now 22, who was also vibrant and energetic, he also cleaned his room, helped with dinner and loved giving me sly kisses, so I could live with the energy and noise all of which he grew out of.

user1469914265 Thu 25-Aug-16 10:44:16
Your kids sound awful.

No. YOU sound awful. I can't believe the amount of abuse the OP has received here.

But i completely agree the person who said her husband wouldnt stand for it makes her husband sound like a bully.

Ex teacher here. I've only ever encountered one child who I couldn't keep in line. They had problems going on in their home life that were truly horrific.

So in answer to your question, I think YABU. If you find that people are often disapproving of your DC's behaviour, then they're probably on to something.

Only you know if they have a point or not. If they do have a point, and you struggle to manage their behaviour, you can always learn new strategies. It's never too late.

"don't seek to control them. The emphasis on controlling in this thread is shocking."

It's called parenting, not controlling. As the parent, you are responsible for your child's behaviour. Of course you need to be in control.

Your children are badly behaved and these people are telling you in a passive aggressive way that they could do a much better job and that you need to pay heed and get a grip of your children.

OP, what a wonderfully, vibrant reply.

You sound like an absolute delight, as do your children.

kids do behave differently at home to what they do at school....

the 20 min in a restrant thing i dont know my kids have never played up in restrants ..but then do they have activies to do or anything like that.

dont know why im posting really op has gone

OP "AIBU??"
Most posters " yes YABVU!"
OP "no i'm not!" "see ya"!

Have several friends who teach in primary schools. I know their heart's sink if a new parent describes their 4 gear old as 'spirited' or 'vibrant' as it just means the child will be a real handful.

It's perfectly possible to have a child who has plenty of 'spirit' but also knows how to behave appropriately in the situation at hand.

So....lively and 'vibrant' racing around at the park...but much quieter and sitting still at a restaurant table.

shiveringhiccup completely agree with your post.

If join are astonished, OP, you must be new to mumsnet. I could have told you exactly how this was going to go just by reading your subject line.

Wow. Let me say, I just had a good laugh. OP, are deluded.

Eh, "You, OP, are deluded."

Damn it Thatsme, it's in my head again!

Well I asked for more detail and I certainly go it! That reply probably tells us all we needed to know.

BeingATwat

The lengths that I will go to ....